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Title: A Book In Progress - Free Preview Post by: caffeinewriter on October 12, 2012, 04:45:39 PM I've been working on this book for a while, and I figured I'd share my in progress book with the community :) I hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it so far.
https://cdn.anonfiles.com/1350060199443.pdf It's definitely a work in progress, and the formatting got a little screwy in the conversion, but I'm proud of it. Let me know what you guys think! Title: Re: A Book In Progress - Free Preview Post by: FirstAscent on October 12, 2012, 06:11:53 PM It reads kind of like a Michael Crichton novel, but not as good. No doubt your writing style needs work. It's not bad, but it needs improvement. I think you have potential, with practice and work.
The prologue is amateurish. It just screams that you have a political agenda to share with your readers. Awful. Themes and messages should be layered and vague and require thought to discern. The writing style in chapters 2 and 3 is better. I didn't read any further. Keep up the good work. Title: Re: A Book In Progress - Free Preview Post by: FirstAscent on October 12, 2012, 06:16:22 PM I know the above sounds harsh. It isn't. I do think you have potential. I'm trying to help you. As I said, in chapters 2 and 3, it almost reads like your typical thriller, which is saying, you're doing well.
Title: Re: A Book In Progress - Free Preview Post by: caffeinewriter on October 12, 2012, 06:31:13 PM I know the above sounds harsh. It isn't. I do think you have potential. I'm trying to help you. As I said, in chapters 2 and 3, it almost reads like your typical thriller, which is saying, you're doing well. Not harsh at all! Quite a helpful critique actually. I posted it here because I wanted to hear what people thought of it. No doubt some of it is poorly written, and even downright naïve. I'm planning on essentially redoing entire chapters. I've been reading my favorite authors' books in order to improve my own writing style by understanding theirs. I'm flattered that you said my work was quasi-Crichton, and this only serves as encouragement. I'll post revisions as I get them done. Thank you! Not bad at all. The steps from one time to the next at the start where a bit irritating and its a little disjointed but I didn't feel like putting it down. Guessing your planning on fleshing it out as much as continuing it on, things where happening way too fast to keep a clear picture and some parts (such as how easily Ellie said 'ok, I'll team up') didn't gel. Was a bit disappointed the video's propagation wasn't covered too, it seems to set the stage for a big buildup that doesn't arrive. The 2 Zack's coming into the story one after the other confused me and the tech angle seemed wrong but I'm a Neil Stephenson fan and that's a hard act to follow. Keep up the good work, hopefully will get to read the full version sometime. Enjoyed reading it so sent a few bitcents as a thank you :) Thank you so much for the tips! In both literary and monetary instances. Most of this was written during sleepless red-eye cross-country flights. I'm definitely going to go through and clean this up. Thank you again! Title: Re: A Book In Progress - Free Preview Post by: FirstAscent on October 12, 2012, 06:51:52 PM As an aspiring writer, you may not have found your voice yet, but you might want to find one. Most great authors have what you might call an attitude. What I mean is, they don't just tell who their characters are and what they're doing - they do a little more.
The following prose is stuff I've made up on the spot, and I don't claim it's good, but it should illustrate what I'm driving at. Introduction of character without attitude: Quote Robert flicked a piece of lint off his jacket, checked his reflection in the glass of the storefront, and continued walking down the sidewalk. He had three minutes to get to his appointment, and the thought of being late caused him to pick up his pace. Introduction of character with attitude: Quote Robert was one of those kinds of guys who couldn't let a speck of lint exist within his world. He plucked the offending piece of fuzz from the front of his jacket as he admired his form in the storefront window. Time was of the essence. He couldn't be late to his appointment, lest the powers that be think he was not a punctual man. The first example is more matter of fact, and without a true voice. In the second example, I show a little bit of attitude, and a hint of opinion about the character. Again, I just banged this out, and I'm not claiming either example is good. I'm just trying to point out writing style. Tons of authors have attitude. Most probably do. Two come to mind: Stephen King and Neal Stevenson. Title: Re: A Book In Progress - Free Preview Post by: caffeinewriter on October 12, 2012, 06:58:01 PM As an aspiring writer, you may not have found your voice yet, but you might want to find one. Most great authors have what you might call an attitude. What I mean is, they don't just tell who their characters are and what they're doing - they do a little more. The following prose is stuff I've made up on the spot, and I don't claim it's good, but it should illustrate what I'm driving at. Introduction of character without attitude: Quote Robert flicked a piece of lint off his jacket, checked his reflection in the glass of the storefront, and continued walking down the sidewalk. He had three minutes to get to his appointment, and the thought of being late caused him to pick up his pace. Introduction of character with attitude: Quote Robert was one of those kinds of guys who couldn't let a speck of lint exist within his world. He plucked the offending piece of fuzz from the front of his jacket as he admired his form in the storefront window. Time was of the essence. He couldn't be late to his appointment, lest the powers that be think he was not a punctual man. The first example is more matter of fact, and without a true voice. In the second example, I show a little bit of attitude, and a hint of opinion about the character. Again, I just banged this out, and I'm not claiming either example is good. I'm just trying to point out writing style. Tons of authors have attitude. Most probably do. Two come to mind: Stephen King and Neal Stevenson. Very true! Thank you for the tip :) I'll definitely work on developing it. |