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Well, I'm not talking about physical stuff, but more emotional and phsycological stuff.

Some people ask you about something, and you take time out of your day to provide them with an answer, because they're a friend or an acquaintance. They write you an e-mail, phone you, or come to your house, because they need help with something or need something to be solved.

Apart from this they never get in touch with you.

It might even be an acquaintance from out of town that suddenly calls you to ask if they can stay over for the weekend (free accomodation), but previously to that you haven't heard from them in years.

We could call these people leeches or selfish people.

How do you relate to people like that? Personally I tend to lose interest, and then I make up white lies to avoid accomodating them, or to avoid going somewhere to watch them do something or to help them with something.

Bottom line, individuals who just drain me for energy and is so obviously selfish and selvserving are people whom I don't enjoy spending time with.

I think what I'm looking at is lack of genuinity thereof. People who just use you for some kind of help and never return it, and never even calls to ask: "How're you doing?", in my opinion those are not friends.

Sometimes I really get discouraged by the amount of selfish selvserving bastards I'm surrounded with, and likewise with friends or acquaintances that I always need to initiate contact with. In the end, it always leads to me dropping contact with them. I'm thinking along the lines of: If they never get in touch with me, I'm not important to them, and then it really does not matter at all.

Sometimes it's really shocking how little people care about others. For instance, I went to my home town, had not been there for years, and lots of people didn't even ask me how things were or what I was doing, they just went about their day like I was invincible.

When I see someone I haven't seen in a long time, I usually spend a few minutes greeting them and giving them some attention.

So - not writing this because I want any sympathy - or to have someone psychoanalyze me, but simply to see what others think of the same.

There are plenty of people I could hang out with if I just wanted to do silly things like watching a soccer game, go out on a saturday evening, go to a concert or whatever, but I find that very few if any in my social circles are interested in world politics, cryptocurrencies, computers, philosophy, nutrition, training etc. I mean, the world is so rich, with all kinds of things you can explore, and yet it seems to me most people are only concerned with themselves and their little bubble of mundane things.

Heck, I would rather talk about something that's intellectually stimulating than talking about some reality thrash tv show, or watching a soccer game.

So - how do you deal with the leechers, the people who always want something from you, be it a service or stuff or emotional support, but never gives anything in return?

Personally I withdraw from it all, and sometimes I just sever the relationship completely by telling them the truth, something that usually greatly annoy people and make them hostile towards you. Try saying the following to such a person: "You make me tired, you only think of yourself and you're extremely selfish and you want everything to happen on your terms, always - you never try to go the extra step for anyone else, and never considers anyone else and how your actions might effect them".

And then there's the white lies, which are used quite frequently. Sorry, can't meet you - family coming into town, have to participate in family events. And if I can't afford something, I might say: "Sorry, I just came down with the flu, I am very sorry I can't make it to your wedding". Which by the way is halfway around the world, and it's expected that I pay for the flight, transport and accomodation to participate in someones wedding that I barely know.

What's up with all those people? I'm sure half of them are half asleep and don't even realize that they're acting in a very selfish way. So many people lacking social skills.

How do you deal with such people?

I just have a great story to add:

It's about my wife, who was asked to be the bridesmaid of a woman that was about to get married. This woman was someone she knew from university studies years back. Long story short: She was asked to attend the bachelorette party and this was on the opposite part of the country. Then the same woman made the following demands, some of them more visible than others:

1. She'd have to get transport for herself to this womans house. The house of this woman was a long way from the airport, and when asked if she could be picked up at the airport, the bride to be declined and said it was too much bother. Mind you it was about a 3 hour car trip from the airport. Taxi fare or rental car would be expensive..

2. My wife asked if she could stay in this persons home during the festivities, but the person declined and said she could stay at a nearby hotel, the house was already crowded. And then in the same breath pointing to the fact that my wife had such a good job and could afford it. Not sure about anyone else, but I never make any speculations in regards to the financial situations of others, and no matter if I think a person is well off or not, I would not use that against him or her.

3. As for plans for the bachelorette's party, there where none. And there were pauses hinting in the conversation that it was almost expected that it would turn out as in the days of studying where my wife did most of the work in the university projects, since nobody else bothered.

So there, she was, being asked to arrange everything for someone she knew from uni many years back, in a remote place of the country, expecting to pay for flight, transport, accomodation and accessories, and some kind of gift was probably expected as well.

- She declined.

If anyone has some good stories, I'd love to hear'em as well.

It may sound harsh but you should always sever your ties with backstabbing scumbags like that as fast as possible because all they're going to do is drag you down and make your life miserable and that's just the honest truth. I haven't had to deal with leechers like that, but I've certainly had to deal with backstabbers a lot who say nice things to your face and then talk shit about you behind your back, but guess what? If you haven't even done anything but confront them openly about it they're likely to have done it to other people as well. I have had cases where I've done this and they'll either leave me alone and never hear from me again or their friends realise what a two-faced cunt the person I was talking to was and leave them or sometimes even hang out with me instead because they've realised I'm the honest one.

You can't always win with those kind of people, but it's better than letting them drag you down and making your life miserable, fyi, this is why I admit I can sometimes come across as an evil bastard on these forums, I do not like self-righteous people because they're often the ones who act the way you've described or even worse.

I can relate to much of what you posted about.  When people act shady it bothers me way more then someone who makes it clear that they don't like.  Me even though that is shady in a sense it far better then people who smile in your face and stab you in the back over and over again.

I don't have much contact with old friends at the moment but that was buy choice due to frustrating times I've been experiencing but they know it's all good and they are my friends no matter what.  But it can get hard when you need to have a real discussion about life and there is nobody you can turn to because they just don't go there.  So many people fill their lives with trivial matters that the can't even imagine being bothered by real deep issues it seems. 

Glad ur wife declined the wedding sometimes you just have to do what you got to do.  You know what they say your damed if you do and damned if you don't.  Hope you find some good folks around to stimulate your intellectual interests, cheers.

This resonated well with me. I want those deep conversations as well, but I find few if any of my friends go there. My wife does, so I think I'm lucky in that regard. Also agree with those old friends, but still all friends have their different skillsets and things they accept or not. Some are very closed, while others are more open - some you can talk about man stuff with, others not.



Not harsh in my eyes, i drop them at a blink of an eye. Even when they try to 'get me back' for long times, I just refuse any contact. I know old dogs can hardly be changed. Better to get new dogs.

As for intellectual stimuli, I read a lot, and I find the bitcoin community and hacker news and similar sites of good interest, and within the tech community in general there's plenty to use my brain on.

I'm just a bit surprised that so few of my friends have developed to the point where they aren't interested in other stuff than their own house, family, job and superficial stuff. If somebody has a new car, it interest me very little, if they just had a vacation at their cabin, it interest me similarily little. All in all, those superficial things are quite uninteresting.

It's like when you have some issues you go through, the last thing you're interested in is all those superficial things.

And I'm also surprised of the fact that so many people seem to be totally negligent or uninterested in the fact that they're in fact part of a larger society and that everything is interconnected, sustainable development, how aminoacids affect your body and brain, how producers of light bulbs deliberately makes the life cycle of the light bulbs short so they can make more money and how that affects the environment, how lack of exercise and good nutrition affects the body, having self insight, being interested in culture, language, body language, social dynamics, how governments works, how much is double-standard, how companies always lies, discovering the real reasons people behave the way they do, watching a dog carry a stick, watching a cat stretch its body, watching some children jump in a puddle. Helping an old lady accross the street....

I mean, there's so much more to life than reading tabloid papers, watching a soccer game and gossiping about who bought a car, who's with which girl and so on. Sometimes I try to go deep with other men, and I often get just a blank stare back. Emotions - dude lost his girlfriend, telling him I have no issues talking about it. So many have troubles open up, and so many have self limiting beliefs that short cut their own life and the abilities they have to make a great life for themselves.

An open and curious mind, not stiffening into a limited world map - not accepting everything you hear from authority, not accepting status quo by default. Where are these people? Sometimes I feel like I'm surrounded by idiots (no offence).

You are preaching the story of my life like seriously.  I always go out of my way to help anyone that needs requests my help especially since everyone comes to me for my connections but really they're just taking advantage of my generosity because I'm always there to depend on regardless of how I feel about the other person.  Funny how they always act like you're best friends with them when they need you but only seems to talk or meet with you when they need something other than that then they never bother to keep in touch with you.  I never ask people for anything but on the rate occasion that I do, my supposedly close friends either ignore or decline to help.  I don't try to dwell on nonsense because they're not worth thinking about because there are good people out there, I just haven't met them yet.   :D

I agree with you - there are some good people out there. They all have different qualities. For instance I have a friend who always says yes if I ask him to help move something or help me with anything, and he also comes by for an occasional dinner. But he can't talk about the more deep man stuff, and bails out completely on though emotional issues, and is kind of boring as well since he does not have any own opinions and bows to my every command, lack of confidence probably. It's a bit troubling to always have someone agree with you, and not have resistance in opinions. Sometimes I joke a bit with him, which makes him quite nervous, but I clasp him on the back and say I'm just joking. Like he says: "Can I take some milk from the fridge?" And I say with a serious look on my face: "No, you can't". And he nervosuly goes: "Oh... okay". And I just smile and balk: "Hah, just joking with you - take all the milk you want!". Funny thing is that those jokes never gets old, and he never stops asking politely. *s*

Hi
Found this forum by accident and I have no idea what it is all about but my goodness there ARE so many selfish people in my community.
I have given up now.
What I have discovered is that the worst of them are female - they take and take and take.
Men seem to be much kinder in my experience.
I have much more in common with men than women even though I am female through and through.
My neighbours are the worst - strangers are more helpful than my dammed neighbours.
But I am forever hopeful that one day these people will become human beings, but alas I doubt if it will be in my lifetime. ;D

That's the truth

i can also relate to your story mate i have met a lot of people like them a hundred indeeds some of them is from my circle of "friends" if i can call them a friend :D
before they always called me or send me a message to come over to their house to have some booze
as far as i know they only do that because i can buy them a drink :D
and after that they will never get in touch to me again even a single message telling where am i or what im doing or hey are you still alive?
some even swore that they will never change friends until the end but when they found some new friends they will even forget about you
one time i went to my friend birthday party i saw some of them and they dont even speak to me or even greet me they just talking to other like i dont even exist at all
i feel out of place and just walk away and went to my favorite spot and have some drink or two and then go home
sometimes its much more ok to drink alone rather hang out with those kinds of people

All I can say is thats just a shame. Esp, the long years of relationship of knowing someone to do this, but I`m not surprised because all my friends are of what I less expect them to do. So I dont expect so much such as those small favors anymore, esp that "take" only trait.

i guess only 20% out of 100% people have a good attitude when it comes to give and take issue
the rest is just a parasite :D

People have diff characters

U need to learn how to take revenge

Ruin their lives slowly but surely

Start by slashing the tires

Then hang their dog/cat

Leave love letters between the couple, make them think one of them is cheating, ruin their relation


Take it from there , people who hurt u destroy them

Yeah that is very true, it goes for money also,  and families.  I actually love to give more then receive, but is good to receive once a while.

your a psycho!!
dude leave the animals alone they have nothing to do with this
and for revenge i rather avoid them because i strongly believe in karma
as zolace said its better to give than to recieve because time will come that all those you spent to those people will return to you just wait and be patient

This has been my experience as well.  Men want sex.  Women want money.

OP Here. Thought this thread was pretty much dead, but interesting it's still alive.

Most people are selfish by default, some are less selfish, and there's some saints walking among us that are very altruistic as well.

I mean, there's nothing wrong with being selfish, as it's important to do the things in life that you need to do to have a good life, so you can't go around fix everyone elses life as well, but I mean, there's small things that anyone could do instead of just complaining about it or not taking action. Sometimes we see people in need, and then we can help. Sometimes we see something is wrong, and then we can do something about it, it could be as simple as some litter on your local street, instead of just complaining about it, take it and toss it in a garbage bin near by. Sometimes, when you have the time and energy, call and old friend, and be genuinely interested and ask how he or she's doing. Take care of a stray cat, whatever that can be valuable for the local community and others. The danger is that when everybody don't give a shit, it creates a hostile environment where everybody is discontent and unhappy.

If you're a woman rainbowpot, and if you're attractive (I don't know), but don't be surprised that men are very helpful and women are less helpful..

And sometimes, if you start showing the good side to those neighbours, they might show a good side back - I know that can be very hard - as it's the same problem in my street.


This is a generalization, and as for most generalizations, that's just not very constructive, productive or adding to an intelligent conversation. Both women and men have values and opinions that stretch from one end of the spectrum to the other. While some women go after power, money and fame, other women would not look twice to such a man, but would rather find someone that lack these qualities, but someone which they truly love.

Same for men. Some men would rather have a meaningful relationship where sex is not the primary reason they're in that relationship. Closeness, love, tenderness etc. It's not all about intercourse.


First of all - animal violence has no place, anywhere. And it's not an animals fault that the owner is a complete jerk.

Now, that being said - I can understand your thoughts. We've all been there at one point or another, but most don't act on such toughts. There are several reasons for this:

A. A lot of what you say is illegal to do, and may eventually put yourself in trouble, after all, it's not always so difficult to find a suspect in such cases unless you're very subtle about things..
B. It might escalate into a complete war between the neighbors - you slash their tires, they slash yours, you break their windows, they break yours... etc... Very destructive and uncivilized.
C. If you're miserable because of your neighbors, I'd rather look into eventually moving away than spending your own time trying to make life miserable for them. If the neighbours are happy or unhappy - what difference does it make in your life? I pitty anyone who actually feels better about himself having destroyed the life of someone else. I guess it depends on the amount of wrongdoing the other person has done, but most conflicts in a normal neighborhood is not that big that they need to escalate into an outright war.


Let's say you're miserable - and you spend a lot of time, energy and resources to make the life of your neighbors miserable. What will happen? Most likely your own life will suck even more, and perhaps even the police and other authorities will be involved, and a lot of energy and time will be wasted on arguments and shit that's counterproductive to any meaningful life. And if you really ruin the life of one of your neighbors and break up a marriage or a couple for whatever reason, one of them might as well become insanely pissed on you, and then making your life miserable in return. The same methods and strategies you can use towards anyone else, they can use towards you. The only way to wreak mayhem in someones life without them being able to do the same back to you is to stay anonymous, which is hardly doable in a small neighborhood.

And also consider whether it's worth spending time and energy on the case. If somebody annoys you, why let their actions consume you so much that all of your awake time is spent thinking how to get back at them.

Personally I think it's best just to ignore them. They do not provide anything constructive to your life, so why give them any power? The best revenge is to have a good life, and spend your own time and energy on creating that for yourself to the best of your abilities.

Karma makes u wait 50 years ull likely be dead by then.

Take things in ur own hand and be karma itself

You were molested when you were a little boy, weren't you?

People will use you for what they want. I'm sure you're no different really. It's just a human thing but there's always going to be at least one party that gets hurt.

Ramton
Surely it cant be as hopeless as you say.
Hope I spelled your name correctly - sorry if I havent
I have been doing a bit of thinking around this subject
The problem is that there isnt enough empathy around
If eg someone has suffered at the hands of their parents - if they have children they may be determined not to repeat their parents behaviour because they now have empathy.
If you break into my home - am I not less likely to break into the home of another person because  because I now know what the emotional consequenses are to the person whose home it is?  :-\
 

This is oversimplifying and a black & white view on the world. If you make some more effort, I'm sure you can contribute better to the discussion.

There are many relations where both parties give and take, so that both parties are mostly happy with the relation in question.

Some people are mature responsible adults that are able to put themselves in others' shoes and see a situation from several angles.


Good point. A very simple exercise would be to imagine what it would be like or how it would feel like if what happens to some other people happened to you. If a person is unable to do this, perhaps he's a psychopath? But very many people lack compassion because the affected issues don't affect themselves.

Let us take a very easy example. The war on terror with the drone attacks done by the USG. If everyone involved here realized that the kid losing its parents, or a kid getting hurt for life, they could turn it around and picture this affected child to be their own child, their sister or their brother. And then the very simple and rhetorical question would be: Would you wish this to happen for your own child, or your brother or sister? If not, why are you doing it?

Instead innocent deaths caused by drones are called 'bugsplatter (http://www.aljazeera.com/indepth/opinion/2011/11/201111278839153400.html)'. So instead of realizing that real innocent people with families, lives and hope and dreams for the future is demolished and killed, it's just called a 'bugsplat'. And on the operator's screen it's not too much detail, so the horror unfolding, a child lying on the ground screaming it's lungs out bleeding out of bodyparts that's blasted of and surrounded with dead relatives, it's not something the operator sees.

The operator might as well be deliberately brainwashed, told he's doing a great service for his country, and that he's conducting surgical drone warfare and that everything is precise and well done. So the brainwashed operator might 'squash a few bugs', then go out with his buddies and have some beers and then watch a soccer game, all the time without thinking about what he really does and realizing the real impact of it.

Any would-ber operator should be put on the ground to see the horrors first hand, and they should be presented for molested childs before they sign up for the job, then they could chose whether they wanted to live off a small wage killing other innocent people in distant countries.

But over to the give-take thing in relations. I think those who are compassionate and considerate will care about other people and also contact them without having selfish motivation for doing so. Those who are cold and just exploit other people will eventually end up lonesome and unhappy. Nobody wants to be around those who only exploit others.

I think what is needed for certain people is to see the other side of the coin to wake up. Some people can on an intellectual level imagine and understand the viewpoint and situation of others, while others needs to be put in their shoes and experience what they experience to try to put themselves in their position and to develop some empathy.

Here's more from the bugsplat article above:

you know I seen people want, and there are less that give.  Giving is the best thing you can do for a person who is not fortunate.

Yes, I have had people do that to me. I get onto my kids for it to. It's seems they only call or come around if they need something. I've gotten to were I just say no a lot.

everybody knows somebody like that, and society is littered with people like that. and that's why our world is turning to shit. greed and competition.

Did you ever explain to them that this is how you view it? It might be the case that they just take you for granted and just come to you whenever they need something. Perhaps if you explained it to them, they would realize and perhaps be more 'present' and appreciative for what you do?

It's very easy to not appreciate those around us, until they're no longer there. In the daily life it's easy to be caught up in all the stress and chores, and not really see what's around us.

I think we should try to not take those close to us for granted, although sometimes they're really a pain in the ass. And I think it's also a matter of investing into a relationship. When people feel valued and appreciated, we increase their sense of self confidence and self worth.

But I agree that when people exploit you, or you get a feeling that they do, withdrawal is the natural response.


Although not being good, that's a good point. However, to keep sane and lead a productive and good life, I think it's necessary not to be bogged down by such toughts, but rather try to change what we can change in our own lives and work to make it better. After all, nobody else is going to do it!

Don't be too hard on yourself. You trusted someone that didn't deserve your trust and loved someone that didn't return your love. That doesn't make you stupid or weak. That makes you someone who believes in the goodness of people and has faith in humanity which are really good qualities. So, remember to love yourself, take care of yourself and know that the right person is looking for you. Really!

you are young, and still believe there is some justice in this world, in time u will see that is not the case.
everything we do will not be judged, atleast that is what i believe in.

I happen to know such leeches. Only I call them family members. You know the ones that expect you to help them clean their house, watch their kids, provide transport to places, basically for free. After a while, you just have to put your foot down and make it clear to them that you have a life, too, and can't drop everything to do what they want.

Yes, people are different. Some never say no - those are easy to exploit for others, while some people are good at saying no when it is required, and yet other people never contribute. I think it is very easy to take it for granted when some people always says yes, or does things for you.

Missed is only what you've lost..

Parasitic relationship doesn't last regardless if it is physical or emotional.