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Hi my friends,
Would you tell me a good joke, please?
I just want to laugh  ;D
Thank you!

a bit nerdy but I like this one so much :

Einstein covers his eyes and begins counting. While Heisenberg and Pascal run off and hide, Newton takes out some chalk and marks a square on the ground with a side length of exactly 1 meter, then sits down inside the square.

When Einstein is finished counting and sees Newton sitting on the ground, he yells, "Ha, I've found you, Newton!". Newton however replies, "No you haven't! You've found Pascal!

(ɹǝʇǝɯ ǝɹɐnbs ɹǝd uoʇʍǝu 1 = lɐɔsɐd 1)

A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and and said, "Bow-wow!" The cat ran away. "What was that, Father?" asked Baby Mouse. "Well, son, that's why it's important to learn a second language

:))) It's a good one. Thank you.

 ;D One of the best motivation to learn a forigner language. :)))

face left

face right


congrats, idiot

My life a very interisting joke My all friend journey by tran.

A woman asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 12:30 train.”
The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 12:00 one. ;D ;D ;D

Q. A girl fell off of a 30-foot ladder, but she didn't get hurt at all. How is this possible?

A. She fell off the bottom step!

top kek

True story:

My supermodel girlfriend (women like money) was bending over in the freezer to grab some meat, and it turned me on so much I just had to take her right there.

Now we are banned from that grocery store...  :/

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?


I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

huehuhe

True nerd you are, I like this joke so much lol.

Hahahahaha... I love this joke... 

One day Adam is talking to God, and he asks, "God, I've been wondering. Why did you make Eve so pretty?"
God replies, "Because I wanted you to like her."
Then Adam asks, "But why did you make her so stupid?"
God answers, "Because I wanted her to like you."

First cowboy: Why did you carry only one log for the campfire when the other hands carry two?

Second cowboy: I guess the others are too lazy to make two trips.

It's not even a joke after all, if you can see this then it means you are alive after all

Click for the Joke of the day 👉 |BIG JOKE (http://tinyimg.io/i/V6jTHqF.jpg) | SMALL JOKE (http://tinyimg.io/i/V6jTHqF.jpg) | MEDIUM JOKE (http://tinyimg.io/i/V6jTHqF.jpg) | FINAL JOKE (http://tinyimg.io/i/V6jTHqF.jpg)|

so there are three cowboys, walking through the desert, thirsty and starved.

they stumble across a river and rejoice, finally water!!!! they run to it and start drinking.

It turns out the river is owned by some native indians and they take them hostage.
Their chief appears and tells the cowboys: You've crossed into our borders, do you want the good news, or the bad news?

one of the cowboys responds: what's the bad news?

Chief: The bad news is that we're going to kill you and use your skin to make canoes.

Cowboy 1: and the good news?

Chief: We appreciate freedom of choice and will allow you to decide what weapon we use, and if you kill yourself, or we do.

Cowboy 1: well, doesn't matter either way, you guys can do it.
 - cowboy 1 is killed -

Cowboy 2: It's my life and i want to be the one to end it, get me a gun.
 - cowboy 2 shoots himself -

Cowboy 3: I'll kill myself too. Get me a... knife. no a.. hrm. a fork. yes. get me a fork.

The indians, confused, get the man a fork, and he suddenly starts laughing maniacally, stabbing himself in the chest repeatedly screaming:

"WAHAHAA!!! SO MUCH FOR YOUR CANOE IDEA!!!"

A man was interviewing for a job.
“And remember,” said the interviewer, “we are very keen about cleanliness. Did you wipe your shoes on the mat before entering?”

“Oh, yes, sir,” replied the man.

The interviewer narrowed his eyes and said, “We are also very keen about honesty. There is no mat.”

Haдпиcь “выпoлнeнo 99%” paдyeт тoлькo пepвыe тpи чaca .

Men like to lay down to sleep beautiful, so beautiful and wake up. And women somehow get spoiled for the night ...

I'm too handsome.

Bolt's uncle asked bolt while going to America on Eid Holidays -
Mama: The nephew, what will you bring from America?
Boltu: A clay soil.
Mama: What? Everybody wants mobile, watch, laptop to maternal uncle. And you want to clay soil?
Boltu: Huh, take the soil for me. I do not want anything else
Mama: Why?
Boltu: Because I have a foot on your ground, I will say, 'I also laid feet on Eid Eid in America.'

A boy asked his Bitcoin-investing father for 20$ worth of bitcoin.
Dad's reply: "18.32$ ? What do you need 23.47$ for??

I have three jokes for you.  ;D

JOKE JOKE JOKE ;D ;D

Jane: Hi John; what type of Jean excites you the most?
John: Oh sweety, It has to be a ripped Jean

On John's birthday, he woke up to Jane ripping most of his Jean trousers with scissors and then she greeted;
"Happy Birthday Honey"
The rest were stories!

A gay man introducing his son to his mother: Mummy, meet my son
The mum: Biological, Chemical Physical or Legal son?

this is a tagalog (philippine) joke but ill translate it in english

What did daddy donut say to the baby donut in the top of a tree?

Ans. Bavarian (baba riyan) translate it in english hehehe.

Im a genius. Thats it

I'll give you a Yo Momma joke.

Yo Momma is sooo fat......

When she passed by the television...

I missed 7 episodes! xD

We want to live like Donald Duck. Pants suck.

Why dont blind people skydive?
Because it scares the crap out of their dogs.

My life is a complete joke, and such that I already can not smile!

Defecating in class, when I was in elementary school. This is a joke or a disgusting thing  ;D

Q.Which day of the week do chickens hate most?

A.FRY-DAY.

A commercial cyclist who is not used to putting on helmets; decided to go in for his bathe on getting home; only to run out shortly from the shower and was shouting spirits!!!

Calming him down, he narrated his ordeal how water wouldn't touch his head because spirits were in his bathroom. He felt so stupid on people's reminder that he was still putting on his helmet ;D ;D ;D

Bayo and his wife Ola received a letter
from their
daughter who went to study modern
physics
overseas. SHE WROTE~My beloved Parents, I
miss u
so much & it breaks my heart to think that
by d time i
get back, you will be too old. So, enclosed
you will
find a bottle of a red portion i have
invented. It will
make u young, so when i return, you will
be the same
age as i left u. NOTE: "Pls, take only a
drop."GoodBye
i love u! So they opened the envelope & in
it, is a
bottle with a red portion. The man looked
at his wife
& says U go first". So Ola takes a drop,
thereafter
Bayo follows. Indeed d wife turns 5yrs
younger. Years
later, the daughter returned home to find
her mother
young & pretty, carrying a baby on her
back. The
mother proceeds to tell her daughter how
d portion
worked & made her look young. D
daughter was
happy & asks after her father . "Your
Father?
Hmmmmm,, ur father was so jealous dat i
was so
young and beautiful, so he drank the
whole bottle.
Whaaaat? So where is he?" replied her
daughter.
Hmmmdey my back...

This is really funny. I like this

Long ago I usually disturb my neighbors by pressing their door bell and run away
Till it got faulty and I touched it, and it shocked me.
I decide it Wont be only me that will get the electric shock. So I called my short friend Abu to press the bell. He was not able to reach so I carried him up.
Hmmn, what happened changed my life..
Since then I have never touch anything bell again..
Cow bell, door bell, church bell, house bell, school bell, even jingle bell, jingle bell,.... I don't sing it.
I don't even like the name Annabel, Mabel and Christabel again...
Because the fear of bell is the beginning of long life..

A woman takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work.

One day, her 9-year-old son hides in the closet during one of her romps. Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she shoves the lover into the closet.

The little boy says, "It's dark in here."
The man whispers, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside.  Want me to yell for him?"
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250."

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover end up in the closet together.

Boy - "It's dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
Man - Remembering last time, asks, "ok, How much?"
Boy - "$250."
Man - "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your ball and glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball."

The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."

The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

The son says "$500."

The father says, "It's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That's way more than those cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your sins."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, "It's dark in here."
The priest says, "oh no, don't start that crap again!"