I don't even know who you can try to get help from anymore. Doctors are drug dealers, I went to my doctors office and within 5min of talking to him the session was over and I walked out with some pills that I look up online and they basically make you kill yourself. Paxil. what good is this going to do me? I'm already thinking about it and now they are giving me meds to follow through with it. Can't go to family, they all have their own problems and I don't want to burden them with mine. So I guess I go online to an off topic forum to tell the internet and see if they will even listen, doubtful.
There are other services available that won't try to push drugs onto you.
Are you US based?
Just talking to someone who cares can really help. It is easy to get yourself into position where you don't see it getting better - but it will!
Focus your energy on something you care about. Bitcoin?
But who will get involved with someone that has these issues, and we start all over.
On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog! Or have issues like you or I and everyone else does...
I see Bitcoin as a great opportunity... if you put your mind to it.
PM me if you want to chat.
I appreciate the words but its not just a bad day, I feel like its a bad life. I've struggled my whole life and I just don't know how much I can fight it anymore. It leaves me helpless in a way. I've had the suit and tie job and I wasn't happy. I've lived in Philadelphia on the streets just about and I wasn't happy. I feel like no matter what I will never be happy.
Obviously there are good moments but overall I don't see the point.
I don't know how to put it in words how exactly I feel and it's harder than just talking to someone that cares. I feel like I am putting more problems on them. It's never the are you okay talk, it always brings more to the table. The only person that I feel truly cares is my mother. My father was murdered when I was young and the rest of my family is nothing like me. So I don't go to her with majority of issues because she struggles to and doesn't need extra bullshit on her mind.
Sorry this is all over the place, my minds racing and I don't know where I'm going with it all.
NumberFive,
I went through a similar situation as you a while ago, so I know how you feel, you may not believe it but I do.
What helped me? A therapist and some xanax/clamazapan, I have a null receptor on one of my genes that turns EVERY one of the depression drugs into worse depression drugs.
Here is what I learned:
It is ok to open up
It is ok to be sad
It is ok to be depressed
Learn to be truthful to yourself, really down deep truthful and really spot on honest with yourself.
Be truthful about your situation with somebody, anybody, if you don't things WILL get worse.
Really learn to open up about your situation, you would be surprised how many people are in the same or worse situations that you are in right now.
Learn to forgive yourself for the mistakes that you have made, Allow yourself to not feel guilty about your fathers murder, that was not your fault (if of course you didn't do it).
You cannot control anything or anybody else in this world other than yourself, your actions and your emotions.
Last but not least: give up on your conceptions of how you think life should be like and live in the now, right now, love and appreciate that you are alive, breathing, have food, shelter, clean drinking water.
The above may sound hokey or stupid, but you will not believe how helpful it really is to just let out what it is that is bothering you.
I am available via PM if you want, and if it is truly a desperate situation I will give you my cell # to call.
P.S.
The best drug out there right now believe it or not is endorphins, go for a jog or brisk walk or work out for 30 minutes and will start feeling better.
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