First, I appreciate your time you spent for preparing this great post.
On the escrow subject, BCShop offers a modified and improved solution of your Option 1. Thanks to usage of Ethereum smart contracts, BCShop never holds money of any party of a deal. Same goes for escrow – arbiters never hold money on their wallet.
Escrow smart-contract is in control of money flow between a seller and a buyer. What arbiters do (if there is a complaint) is assessing the situation and deciding about partial or full refund. By the way, smart contracts are audited by independent 3rd party auditor with the public report available.
BCShop highly welcomes competent and trusted arbiters from bitcointalk to moderate deals. I totally agree with your point here – trusted 3rd party arbiter is the best way to go for both buyers and sellers. In this case, as you state in your example, no one can run with the money or gold – it is just impossible by the design of the platform.