please don't.   why don't you give a try to a simpler hobby?

I don't think a 'certification program' is idiotic, ...  It bothers all because it goes against the beloved hippie "decentralization" concept.
If that is the case,  maybe don't see it as a mandatory thing but as an optional step that some coins can do with a third party service in order to provide security,  similar to a PCI compliance certification. 

MORE are required,... but not cloning scams... 
New features,  more exploration and more mistakes should happen until we can have perfect coins.

Here Darwinism applies.  The market at some point will be overwhelmed and the weak coins will get extinct.
So... it doesn't matter if people never stop launching coins,  at some point there should be an inflection point and a lower coins will remain on top.
 

is somebody selling?  I would like to buy some Doug. 

Its true they have delays and it can be frustrating and confusing when you want to move coins fast.
But they are constantly improving,  and their customer service worked well for me when I had problems with my balance.