Island Throne
There was once an island kingdom whose people were all fabulously wealthy. Even though they could have afforded to live anywhere they wanted, tradition dictated they stay on their tiny island home.
Eventually, their king became frustrated and called a meeting of the tribe's elders. He said he wanted them to figure out a way he could enjoy his wealth, and stay within traditional guidelines.
After much consideration, the elders suggested he build a magnificent throne. When he objected there was not enough room in his hut for a throne, the elders suggested he call in an engineer to solve the problem.
Soon, the king's tiny hut was rigged with an elaborate system of ropes and pulleys. He could lower the huge throne for use during the day, and at night, he could haul the throne up, and lower his bed. This was truly the best of both worlds for the king.
Unfortunately, after a few months of constant use the roopes frayed, and one night, the throne slipped and came crashing down on the king, killing him.
The wise men of the island recognized a lesson in this experience and added to the lore of their people this statement: "People who live in grass houses should not stow thrones."

What is the record for most Stanley Cups in a row?
The Montreal Canadiens have won the Stanley Cup 24 times, the most of any team. They also won the most in a row: five between 1955-56 and 1959-60. Henri Richard of the Montreal Canadiens appears the most on the Stanley Cup, 11 times.

When was the first Thanksgiving date?
In early autumn of 1621, the 53 surviving Pilgrims celebrated their successful harvest, as was the English custom. During this time, "many of the Indians coming... amongst the rest their great king Massasoit, with some ninety men." That 1621 celebration is remembered as the "First Thanksgiving in Plymouth."

Who discovered over 200 uses for the peanut?
George Washington Carver reputedly discovered three hundred uses for peanuts and hundreds more for soybeans, pecans and sweet potatoes.

Who named Pennsylvania?
Although Swedes and Dutch were the first European settlers, William Penn, a Quaker, named Pennsylvania in honor of his father by combining the name Penn and the Latin term sylvania, which translates as "woodlands," to come up with "Penn's woodlands."

4 mothers were sitting in a café having a catch-up.
Blonde Mother: how are your daughters going?
Red-Head Mother: alas not good I discovered some rather horrific objects in my daughter's purse yesterday
Black Hair Mother: same here
Brunette Mother: me too!
Red-Head: awful it was! A giant floppy dildo just lying at the bottom. It made me feel like honoring SO DISGUSTING I never know my daughter was so vulgar!
-all mothers shuddered in agreement-
Black Hair Mother: mine is worse! I looked in and saw tablets. But not just any tablets, BIRTH CONTROL TABLETS! I ant believe my daughter is already having sex with boys
-all mothers gasp and shake their heads-
Brunette Mother: that's nothing! I found a positive pregnancy test in my daughters handbag! Which means she has already gotten pregnant and not even told me. I can't afford to have another child to look after and she isn't ready.
-all mothers give support and pat her on the back-
Blonde Mother: you guys don't even have problems! In my daughters purse I found a pack of condoms! I can't believe that she is a boy!!!

Here are a few great quotes from the movie Full Metal Jacket:
"Tonight, you pukes will sleep with your rifles. You will give your rifles a girl's name, because this is the only pussy you people are going to get. Your days of finger-banging ol' Mary Jane Rottencrotch through her purty pink panties are over! You're married to this piece. This weapon of iron and wood. And you WILL be faithful! Port, hut!"
 "I wanted to see exotic Vietnam - the jewel of Southeast Asia. I, uh, I wanted to meet interesting and stimulating people of an ancient culture - and kill them. I wanted to be the first kid on my block to get a confirmed kill!"
 "My thoughts drift back to erect nipple wet dreams about Mary Jane Rottencrotch and the Great Homecoming F--k Fantasy. I'm so happy that I am alive, in one piece, and short. I'm in a world of s--t, yes. But I am alive. And I am not afraid."

Why does the earth act like a magnet?
Earth's magnetic field is mostly caused by electric currents in the liquid outer core, which is composed of conductive, molten iron. Loops of currents in the constantly moving, liquid iron create magnetic fields. From afar, the Earth looks like a big magnet with a north and south pole like any other magnet.

How many square miles is the state of Texas?
Texas is the second largest U.S. state, behind Alaska, with an area of 268,820 square miles (696,200 km2).

Which president could write in Greek and Latin?
Garfield was the first left-handed president of the United States. James Garfield could write Latin with one hand and Greek with the other, at the same time.

How much did the original nintendo cost when it first came out?
The Action Set, retailing in 1988 for US$149.99, came with the Control Deck, two game controllers, an NES Zapper, and a dual Game Pak containing both Super Mario Bros. and Duck Hunt.

How many languages are there in the world?
There are approximately 6,900 distinct languages in existence today, though there may be languages spoken in remote areas that we have yet to discover. No matter how many new languages we find, though, this number will be much lower in 100 years.

How many gallons of water does an average household use per day?
If your family's water usage is more than that amount, you need to look at your water-use habits. An average usage is 50 gallons/day/person. An average usage for a family of four for a 30-day billing period would be 6,000 gallons or 8 ccf. Teens tend to stay in the shower longer.

Who invented the kazoo?
It was on such an instrument that the kazoo, invented in the 19th century by an African American named Alabama Vest in Macon, Georgia, United States, is based. The first kazoo was manufactured to Vest's specifications by Thaddeus Von Clegg, a German clockmaker in Macon.

A new sandwich bar claims that it can make any type of sandwich immediately and are so confident that they promise to pay a thousand dollars to anyone who can think of a sandwich which they don't have.so the first customer walks up and asks for apple flavoured noodles in a sandwich, 30 seconds later the sandwich is served to him just like he asked. The second customer walks up and asks for a potato and seaweed sandwich. Again the sandwich bar owner comes straight back out from the kitchen with a smug look on his face and a potato and seaweed sandwich in his hands. Finally a very cocky looking customer walks up and asks for an elephant penis and camel hoof sandwich,topped with panda sperm and the shavings of an albatrosses claws,the owner is in the kitchen for a long time before he walks back out with no sandwich but just a thousand dollars in his hand.the customer starts celebrating and says he knew they wouldn't have them ingredients to which the owner replies "oh we have the penis the hoof the panda sperm and the claws,we just have no bread."

What nationality is Mark Wahlberg?
His father was of half Swedish and half Irish ancestry, and his mother is of Irish, English, and French Canadian descent. Maternally, Wahlberg is distantly related to author Nathaniel Hawthorne.

When did the first microwaves come out?
Raytheon later licensed its patents for a home-use microwave oven that was first introduced by Tappan in 1955, but these units were still too large and expensive for general home use. The countertop microwave oven was first introduced in 1967 by the Amana Corporation, which was acquired in 1965 by Raytheon.

How many miles do you have on Empty?
Some popular car models can make it between 30 and 50 miles after the fuel light goes on, according to a study by Pick Analysis. The average Chevrolet Silverado will continue for about 33 miles beyond empty. Smaller cars like the Volkswagen Jetta average about 43 miles and the Toyota Corolla tops the list at 47 miles.

Jesus and Saint Peter are golfing. St. Peter steps up to the tee on a par three and hits one long and straight. It reaches the green. Jesus is up next. He slices it. It heads over the fence into traffic on an adjacent street. Bounces off a truck, onto the roof of a nearby shack and into the rain gutter, down the drain spout and onto a lilly pad at the edge of a lake. A frog jumps up and snatches the ball in his mouth. An eagle swoops down, grabs the frog. As the eagle flies over the green, the frog croaks and drops the ball. It’s in the hole. Saint Peter looks at Jesus, exasperated. "Are you gonna play golf?" he asks "Or are you just gonna fuck around?"

"I know we've only known each other for four weeks and three days, but to me, it seems like nine weeks and five days. The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days. And the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days. But the fifth day, you went to see your mother and that seemed just like a day, but then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half. I have it written down, but I-I can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it. Anyway, I've decided that tomorrow when the time is right, I'm gonna ask you to marry me. If that's okay with you, just don't say anything. You've made me very happy."
The Jerk

How long is the chunnel under water?
The length of the tunnel is 31 miles long, but only 23 miles are underwater. The average depth is 150 feet under the seabed. The Eurostar only spends 20 minutes of its journey in the tunnel.

What was the first country to give women the right to vote?
Timeline of Women's Suffrage Granted, by Country. Learn the year in which women's suffrage was granted, organized by year. New Zealand was the first country to allow women to vote (in 1893), while the King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia granted women the right to vote in 2011.

When did the first restaurant open in the world?
The very first restaurant in the world was opened in Paris in 1765. A tavern keeper, Monsieur Boulanger, served a single dish -- sheep's feet simmered in a white sauce.

What kind of wine goes with spaghetti?
Cabernets are hearty and rich and thus go best with tomato-based red sauces. Chianti is a strong, bold red wine that is perfectly suited for flavorful, well-seasoned sauces. It pairs best with tomato-based red sauces, but will also work with cream- or oil-based sauces.

How many dwarf planets are there in our solar system?
The first five recognized dwarf planets are Ceres, Pluto, Eris, Makemake and Haumea. Scientists believe there may be dozens or even more than 100 dwarf planets awaiting discovery. The IAU recognized Pluto's special place in our solar system by designating dwarf planets that orbit the sun beyond Neptune as plutoids.

Which spider has the most potent venom?
Pholcids, or daddy long-legs spiders, are venomous predators, and although they never naturally bite people, their fangs are similar in structure to those of brown recluse spiders, and therefore can theoretically penetrate skin.

How many dwarf planets are there in our solar system?
The first five recognized dwarf planets are Ceres, Pluto, Eris, Makemake and Haumea. Scientists believe there may be dozens or even more than 100 dwarf planets awaiting discovery. The IAU recognized Pluto's special place in our solar system by designating dwarf planets that orbit the sun beyond Neptune as plutoids.

Which spider has the most potent venom?
Pholcids, or daddy long-legs spiders, are venomous predators, and although they never naturally bite people, their fangs are similar in structure to those of brown recluse spiders, and therefore can theoretically penetrate skin.

A hunter creeps through the forest. He eventually spots a black bear in a clearing. Carefully he takes aim and shoots the bear. He is congratulating himself when he feels a tap on his shoulder.
Turning around, he sees a massive brown bear behind him. "That was a terrible thing you did," says the brown bear, "and now you must pay the price. I will either rip you apart or rape you in the butt. Your choice." The hunter thinks for a moment, then drops his pants and bends over.
An hour later, the hunter staggers from the forest and limps to the hospital. The next day he hobbles home, thinking only of revenge on the bear. Soon he is back in the forest, stalking the bear. He eventually sees it by a river, and quickly he shoots it dead.
"Yes!" yells the hunter as he feels the thrill of revenge. But then, without warning, he feels a tap on his shoulder. Turning around slowly, he sees a gargantuan grizzly bear behind him.
"You have done a terrible thing," intones the bear in a deep voice, "now you have a choice: either I maul you to death, or I rape you in the butt." Shuddering, the hunter drops his pants and bends over.
Three hours later, the hunter crawls from the forest. He is released from the hospital after a week of anal surgeries to fix his colon. He thought of nothing but revenge on the grizzly bear during the ordeal. Now, he is back in the woods, looking for the grizzly.
He spots it catching salmon, and shoots it down from the forest. "Haha!" yells the hunter, jumping up and down. But then he feels a tap on his shoulder.
Quickly the hunter spins around, unable to believe what is happening. "No!" he screams in disbelief, for there is a gigantic polar bear right behind him. "Hey buddy," says the polar bear, "I'm starting to think you don't come here for the hunting."

"The details of my life are quite inconsequential... Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring, we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds - pretty standard, really. At the age of twelve, I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum. It's breathtaking - I suggest you try it."

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

Woops Sorry About That


Marvin, was in the hospital on his death bed. The family called Marvin’s Preacher to be with him in his final moments. As the Preacher stood by the bed, Marvin’s condition seemed to deteriorate, and Marvin motioned for someone to quickly pass him a pen and paper. The Preacher quickly got a pen and paper and lovingly handed it to Marvin. But before he had a chance to read the note, Marvin died. The Preacher feeling that now wasn’t the right time to read it put the note in his jacket pocket. It was at the funeral while speaking that the Preacher suddenly remembered the note. Reaching deep into his pocket the Preacher said “and you know what, I suddenly remembered that right before Marvin died he handed me a note, and knowing Marvin I’m sure it was something inspiring that we can all gain from. With that introduction the Preacher ripped out the note and opened it. The note said “HEY, YOU ARE STANDING ON MY OXYGEN TUBE!”

What does the word Pocahontas mean?
"Pocahontas" was a nickname, meaning "the naughty one" or "spoiled child". Her real name was Matoaka. The legend is that she saved a heroic John Smith from being clubbed to death by her father in 1607 - she would have been about 10 or 11 at the time.

How much does a space shuttle weigh?
The Space Shuttle weighed 165,000 pounds empty. Its external tank weighed 78,100 pounds empty and its two solid rocket boosters weighed 185,000 pounds empty each. Each solid rocket booster held 1.1 million pounds of fuel.

What does it mean all roads lead to Rome?
All roads lead to Rome definition. All paths or activities lead to the center of things. This was literally true in the days of the Roman Empire, when all the empire's roads radiated out from the capital city, Rome.

"You're no saint. You got a free cab. You got a free room and someone who will listen to your boring stories. I mean, didn't, didn't you notice on the plane when you started talking, eventually, I started reading the vomit bag? Didn't it give you some sort of clue like hey, maybe this guy's not enjoying it? You know, everything is not an anecdote. You have to discriminate. You choose things that are, that are funny or, or mildly amusing or interesting. You're a miracle! Your stories have NONE of that. They're not even amusing ACCIDENTALLY! 'Honey, I'd like you to meet Del Griffith, he's got some amusing anecodotes for ya. Oh, and here's a gun so you can blow your brains out. You'll thank me for it.' Oh, I-I could tolerate any insurance seminar. For days I could sit there and listen to them go on and on with a big smile on my face. They'd say, 'How can ya stand it?' And I'd say, ''Cause I've been with Del Griffith. I can take ANYTHING.' You know what they'd say? They'd say, 'I know what ya mean. The shower curtain ring guy. Whoa.' It's like going on a date with a Chatty Cathy doll. I expect you have a little string on your chest, you know, that I pull out and have to snap back. Except I wouldn't pull it out and snap it back - you would. Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! And by the way, you know, when, when you're telling these little stories? Here's a good idea - have a POINT. It makes it SO much more interesting for the listener!"

It is from Planes, Trains & Automobiles

Traditionally, the Scotch whisky is distilled twice and the Irish whiskey three times. For this reason, the Irish claim their whiskey is a smoother and purer whiskey.

How many square feet is the Winchester Mystery House?
Some statistics about the mansion: 24,000 square feet, 10,000 windows, 2,000 doors, 52 skylights, 47 fireplaces, 40 bedrooms, 40 staircases, 13 bathrooms, six kitchens, three elevators, two basements and one shower.

What do bananas grow on?
Bananas do not grow on trees. Rather, they grow from a root structure that produces an above ground stem. The plant is specifically classified as an arborescent (tree-like) perennial herb; in fact, it is the largest herbaceous flowering plant. The banana plant being an herb is that the banana itself is a berry.

How long does a caterpillar stay in a cocoon?
The process from egg to butterfly is weather dependent and also depends on the regional climate. It can take about four weeks in the peak of the summer in warmer climates. The egg takes 5 to 10 days, the larva/caterpillar and pupa/chrysalis each take about 10 to 14 days.

On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude they’ll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight.. Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his co-pilot, "What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a blowjob." All the passengers hear it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run toward the cockpit to tell the pilot of his slip-up, one of the passengers stops her and says "Don’t forget the coffee!"