Here is another quote from my long list of favorite movie quotes, it is from the movie Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
"The details of my life are quite inconsequential... Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring, we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds - pretty standard, really. At the age of twelve, I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum. It's breathtaking - I suggest you try it."

 - "Want some bacon?"
- "No man, I don't eat pork."
- "Are you Jewish?"
- "Nah, I ain't Jewish, I just don't dig on swine, that's all."
- "Why not?"
- "Pigs are filthy animals. I don't eat filthy animals."
- "Yeah, but bacon tastes good. Pork chops taste good."
- "Hey, sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I'd never know 'cause I wouldn't eat the filthy motherf--ker. Pigs sleep and root in s--t. That's a filthy animal. I ain't eat nothin' that ain't got sense enough to disregard its own feces."
- "How about dog? Dog eats its own feces."
- "I don't eat dog either."
- "Yeah, but do you consider a dog to be a filthy animal?"
- "I wouldn't go so far as to call a dog filthy but they're definitely dirty. But, a dog's got personality. Personality goes a long way."
- "Ah, so by that rationale, if a pig had a better personality, he would cease to be a filthy animal. Is that true?"
- "Well, we'd have to be talkin' about one charming motherf--kin' pig."

Two ministers doing missionary work in the South Seas are captured by a tribe and tied to stakes. The chief says to them, "You have a choice – death, or ugga bugga." The first guy says, "Well, I guess ugga bugga." The chief shouts "UGGA BUGGA!" and 30 members of the tribe attack and sodomize the first missionary. The chief then asks the second minister, "Now you have a choice, death or ugga bugga." He says "well, my religion does not allow me to choose ugga bugga, so I suppose it must be death." The chief says, "Very well," and shouts "DEATH. But first, UGGA BUGGA!

A duck walks into a store and asks the manager if he sells grapes. The manager says no, so the duck leaves. The next day the duck goes back to the same store and asks the manager if he sells grapes. The manager says,"NO, we do not sell grapes,"so the duck leaves the store. The next day the duck goes back to the same store and asks the manager if he sells grapes. The manager is furious now and says,"NO, WE DO NOT SELL GRAPES! IF YOU COME BACK AND ASK IF WE SELL GRAPES AGAIN, I WILL NAIL YOUR BEAK TO THE FLOOR! The next day the duck goes back to the same store and says to the manager,"Excuse me, do you sell nails at this store?" The manager says,"no, we don't sell nails." The duck replies,"That's good. Do you sell grapes?"

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."

What animal can live after being frozen?
Wood Frogs Can Survive Being Frozen Solid, Over and Over. Every autumn, the sanest animals head south, fleeing the encroaching winter lest they freeze to death or get torn apart by yetis.

What was the world's first computer called?
ENIAC. ENIAC (/ˈini.æk/ or /ˈɛni.æk/; Electronic Numerical Integrator And Computer) was the first electronic general-purpose computer. It was Turing-complete, digital, and capable of being reprogrammed to solve "a large class of numerical problems".

What spices are used to make pepperoni?
Pepperoni typically is made from a combination of pork and beef trim, spices and cultures. Pork and beef pieces might be blended with salt, paprika, white pepper, cayenne pepper, anise seed and allspice. Cured sausages may also be made from a combination of other meats, including turkey and chicken.

DWAYNE PERKINS: AWAKENED IN A HOTEL LOBBY
I was like, 'Damn, do I look homeless?' But then I thought about it, and you know what? It could have been my first day of homelessness. You see, because on your first day of homelessness, you don't look that homeless. You don't stink yet, your hair's not matted down, you don't have the imaginary friend -- it's day one.

KARITH FOSTER: LANGUAGE BARRIER
We had a bit of a language barrier problem. Like, one night I came home with these amazing shoes I had gotten on sale at Bloomingdales. And I was like, 'Honey, look at these shoes. Aren't they great?' And he said, 'Aw, girl, those shoes are bling-bling.' I was like, 'No, Bill Blass.'

One day a man was waking along the beach when he tripped over a lamp. He turned around and kicked the lamp out of anger. A few seconds later, a genie popped out of the lamp.
Reluctantly, the genie said, "Even though you kicked me, I still have to give you three wishes. However, because of what you did, I will also give twice what you wish for to the person you hate the most: your boss."
So the man agreed and made his first wish. "I want lots of money", he said. Instantly 22 million dollars appeared in the man's bank account and 44 million appeared in his boss' account.
For his second wish, the man wished for a couple of sports cars. Instantly a Lambergini, Ferrari and Porsche appeared. At the same time two of each car appeared outside of his boss' house.
Finally the genie said, "This is your last wish, you should choose carefully," and to this the man replied, "I've always wanted to donate a kidney..."

By the time he was five years old, Mozart had complete mastery of keyboards and violin, and had written his first five compositions. At six, he toured Europe as a child prodigy; by 16, he'd already written three operas and 25 symphonies.

What causes the holes in Swiss cheese?
That bacteria, more specifically P. shermani, releases carbon dioxide when it consumes the lactic acid and forms bubbles. The bubbles don't just disappear, they form little air pockets, resulting in the holes of the Swiss cheese.

How many tennis balls are used in Wimbledon?
Wimbledon organisers lose 50 tennis balls every day with many taken by fans who want a memento. Some 54,000 stamped Slazenger balls are ordered for the two-week Championships with almost 2,000 used every day.

Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn't hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It's Irv. "So there is an afterlife! What's it like?" Sid asks. 'Well, I sleep very late. I get up, have a big breakfast. Then I have sex, lots of sex. Then I go back sleep, but I get up for lunch, have a big lunch. Have some more sex. Take a nap. Huge dinner. More sex. Go to sleep, and wake up the next day." "Oh, my god," says Sid "So that's what heaven is like?" "Oh no," says Irv. "I'm not in heaven. I'm a bear in Yellowstone Park."

A Catholic teenager goes to confession, and after confessing to an affair with a girl is told by the priest that he can't be forgiven unless he reveals who the girl is. "I promised not to tell!" he says. "Was it Mary Patricia, the butcher's daughter?" the preist asks. "No, and I said I wouldn't tell." "Was it Mary Elizabeth, the printer's daughter?" "No, and I still won't tell!" 'Was it Mary Francis, the baker's daughter?" "No," says the boy. 'Well, son," says the priest, "I have no choice but to excommunicate you for six months." Outside, the boy's friends ask what happened. "Well," he says, "I got six months, but three good leads."

A man is driving his five year old to a friend’s house when another car races in front and cuts them off, nearly causing an accident. "Douchebag!" the father yells. A moment later he realizes the indiscretion, pulls over, and turns to face his son. "Your father just said a bad word," he says. "I was angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong. But just because I said it, it doesn’t make it right, and I don’t ever want to hear you saying it. Is that clear?" His son looks at him and says: "Too late, douchebag."

"The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" is an English-language pangram—a phrase that contains all of the letters of the alphabet. It is used to show fonts and to test typewriters and computer keyboards, and in other applications involving all of the letters in the English alphabet.

Octopuses have three hearts. Two branchial hearts pump blood through each of the two gills, while the third is a systemic heart that pumps blood through the body. Octopus blood contains the copper-rich protein hemocyanin for transporting oxygen.

Who said a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step?
In this quote, Lao Tzu is trying to express that great things start from humble beginnings. In the original, the text refers to "1,000 li journey". A li is an old Chinese measure of distance which converts to 360 miles or 576 km.e.

Two men, Jim and John, were walking their dogs when they passed by a restaurant. “Let’s go in and get something to eat,” Jim suggested. “We can’t” responded John, “don’t you see the sign says NO PETS ALLOWED.” “Aah that sign,” said Jim “don’t worry about it” and taking out a pair of sunglasses, he walked up to the door. As he tried walking into the restaurant he got stopped at the door, “sorry no pets allowed.” Can’t you see” said Jim “I am blind, this is my seeing eye dog.” But it’s a doberman pincher, who uses a doberman pincher as a seeing eye dog?” the man asked “Oh,” Jim responded “you must have not heard, this is the latest type of seeing eye dog, they do a very good job.” Seeing that it worked, John tried walking in with his Chihuahua. Even before he could open his mouth, the doorman said “don’t tell me that a Chihuahua is the latest type of seeing eye dog.” Thinking quickly John responded in a angry voice “You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?”

A duck walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender.
The bartender says "What can I get you?"
Duck: Umm. Do you have any grapes?
Bartender (looking surprised and finding the question odd):
No, I'm afraid we don't.
And the duck waddles slowly out of the bar.

The next day at the same time, the duck waddles into the bar, hops up on a bar stool.
Bartender: Hi. What can I get for you?
Duck: Umm. Do you have any grapes?
Bartender (a little annoyed): Hey! Weren't you in here yesterday. Look buddy, we don't have any grapes. OK?

The duck hops off the stool and waddles out the door.

The next day, at the same time, the bartender is cleaning some glasses when he hears a familiar voice
Duck: Umm.. Do you have any grapes?
The bartender is really ticked off.
Bartender: Look. What's your problem? You came in here yesterday asking for grapes, I TOLD you, WE DON'T HAVE ANY GRAPES!! Next time I see your little ducktail waddle in here I'm going to nail those little webbed feet of yours to the floor. GOT me pal?

And the duck hops off the bar stool and waddles out.

The NEXT day at the same time, the duck waddles into the bar, walks up to the bartender and the bartender says,
"What the heck do YOU want?"
Umm. do you have any nails?
What!? OF course not.
Oh. Well, do you have any grapes?

I love cocktails and one of my favorite is Longdog
This cocktail was invented by Steve "Longdog" Kemmo on a late night session in Milan, May 2004. A merge of a Long Island and a Bulldog, Longdog is a surprisingly refreshing drink that hits the spot.

For one serving you will need:
2 oz gin
2 oz tequila
2 oz triple sec
2 ozfresh lime juice
2 oz lemonade

All you have to do is to pour the gin, tequila, triple sec and fresh lime juice into a cocktail shaker half-filled with ice cubes. Shake well and pour into a collins glass, unstrained. Leave a little room at the top; fill with the lemonade. Stir briefly, garnish with lime and serve.

My favorite car is a Jaguar F-type, and here are some short review with some pictures from it. Enjoy

In both convertible or coupe style the high-performance Jaguar F-Type competes against smaller cars such as the BMW Z4, Mercedes-Benz SLK, and Porsche Boxster, as well as larger cars such as the Chevrolet Corvette, the new Mercedes-Benz AMG GT and the Porsche 911.
The F-Type is Exhibit No. 1 as evidence the British brand is back in the sports car business. Though Jaguar has produced a series of open-top two-seaters, they were really more grand tourers than sports cars.
The F-Type ushers in some new design themes for Jaguar. It sports a high front end--in part to handle European crash regulations--and LED front lighting, with some strong influences of Maseratis and Corvettes of the past. The taillamps are also LED units, and Jaguar says they're the thinnest shapes that could be manufactured. The cockpit has an asymmetric, driver-oriented theme, with the passenger fenced in by a large center-tunnel grab handle--a strong visual cue to the F-Type's dynamic intentions. There's a big LCD screen for infotainment and settings, while a set of rotary knobs controls some secondary functions. Not everything's been steered off into touchscreen interfaces, thankfully.
The two-seater received a sufficiently rapturous reception that the larger XK coupe and convertible went out of production soon after the F-Type was introduced. The F-Type essentially acts as that car's indirect replacement, sharing some of the XK's aluminum construction techniques as well.

A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"

There are a lot of series I am hooked on. Some of those are: the big bang theory, my name is earl, how I met your mother, friends and many others. When I have some free time I am always watching some episodes of a great series. There are also many great comedy series from the ex yugoslavian countries ))

Jesus and Saint Peter are golfing. St. Peter steps up to the tee on a par three and hits one long and straight. It reaches the green. Jesus is up next. He slices it. It heads over the fence into traffic on an adjacent street. Bounces off a truck, onto the roof of a nearby shack and into the rain gutter, down the drain spout and onto a lilly pad at the edge of a lake. A frog jumps up and snatches the ball in his mouth. An eagle swoops down, grabs the frog. As the eagle flies over the green, the frog croaks and drops the ball. It’s in the hole. Saint Peter looks at Jesus, exasperated. "Are you gonna play golf?" he asks "Or are you just gonna fuck around?"

Hot water is heavier than cold.

Plutonium - first weighed on August 20th, 1942, by University of Chicago scientists Glenn Seaborg and his colleagues - was the first man-made element.

If you went out into space, you would explode before you suffocated because there's no air pressure.

The original IBM-PCs, that had hard drives, referred to the hard drives as Winchester drives. This is due to the fact that the original Winchester drive had a model number of 3030. This is, of course, a Winchester firearm.

Sound travels 15 times faster through steel than through the air.

On average, half of all false teeth have some form of radioactivity.

Only one satellite has been ever been destroyed by a meteor: the European Space Agency's Olympus in 1993.

Sterling silver is not pure silver. Because pure silver is too soft to be used in most tableware it is mixed with copper in the proportion of 92.5 percent silver to 7.5 percent copper.

A ball of glass will bounce higher than a ball of rubber. A ball of solid steel will bounce higher than one made entirely of glass.

A chip of silicon a quarter-inch square has the capacity of the original 1949 ENIAC computer, which occupied a city block.

An ordinary TNT bomb involves atomic reaction, and could be called an atomic bomb. What we call an A-bomb involves nuclear reactions and should be called a nuclear bomb.

At a jet plane's speed of 1,000 km (620mi) per hour, the length of the plane becomes one atom shorter than its original length.

A woman and man get into a car accident. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of the wreckage, the woman says, "Wow, look at our cars - there's nothing left! Thank God we are all right. This must be a sign from Him that we should be friends and not try to pin the blame on each other."
The man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely."
The woman points to a bottle on the ground and says, "And here's another miracle. Somehow this bottle of scotch from my back seat didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this scotch and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, and drinks about a third of the bottle to calm his nerves. He then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police... I'll let them decide who's fault it is."

Here are some facts, enjoy reading them ))
The Bible is the most shoplifted book in the world.
Marco Hort has the world record for fitting 264 straws in his mouth at once!
Mel Blanc – the voice of Bugs Bunny – was allergic to carrots.
California has issued 6 drivers licenses to people named Jesus Christ.
According to Genesis 1:20-22 the chicken came before the egg.
In the Caribbean there are oysters that can climb trees.
Worms eat their own poo.
Squirrels forget where they hide about half of their nuts.
Over 1000 birds a year die from smashing into windows.
The inventor of the Waffle Iron did not like waffles.
George W. Bush was once a cheerleader.
In Japan, it is completely acceptable to name your child ‘Buttocks’ or ‘Prostitute’.
In 1895 Hampshire police handed out the first ever speeding ticket, fining a man for doing 6mph!
Each year, there are more than 40,000 toilet related injuries in the United States.
A tapir has the largest penis-to-body ratio of any animal.
Mewtwo is a clone of the Pokémon Mew, yet it comes before Mew in the Pokédex.
Every year more than 2500 left-handed people are killed from using right-handed products.
Madonna suffers from garophobia which is the fear of thunder.
China has more English speakers than the United States.
Samuel L. Jackson requested to have a purple light saber in Star Wars in order for him to accept the part as Mace Windu.
Paraskavedekatriaphobia is the fear of Friday the 13th!
Kleenex tissues were originally used as filters in gas masks.
In 1998, Sony accidentally sold 700,000 camcorders that had the technology to see through people’s clothes. These cameras had special lenses that use infrared light, which allowed you to see through some types of clothing.
Upon losing battles, apes will tend to masturbate.
Ronald McDonald is “Donald McDonald” in Japan because it makes pronunciation easier for the Japanese. In Singapore he’s known as “Uncle McDonald