I code in PHP/5.3.10+.
You just listed as a requirements a release that only has one bugfix in it, no new features.
This proves me that you don't know php enought to blame it.
That being said, it's certainly not the best language of the world, as none is, but it does fit some requirements pretty well.
You are trying to make me confess about which languages I code with. PHP. And I can recognise some C based variants enough to tweak/hunt and fix bugs.
But it's certainly NOT blameless. Not by a long shot. The worst one that comes to mind is security and data sanitation. You gotta do it all yourself.