HOW on earth can I get access to my bitcoins ASAP, preferably today?
Are you running on an encrypted filesystem? That will really slow things down.
With Bitcoin v0.7 you can load from a blockchain data file:
e.g., from the command prompt:
C:> bitcoin-qt -loadblock="C:\temp\blk0001.dat"
Get a current blockchain database here:
-
http://eu1.bitcoincharts.com/blockchainYou can even tell the client to not make any connections:
(add -maxconnections=0 to your bitcoin-qt command line)
[Update: Fixed. -loadblock not -loaddata
One other suggestion, you might find someone who can provide you with a fast download of a current blockchain and index. Or perhaps you can pay to have someone take your wallet and do a spend transaction that sends the funds to your EWallet. ]