It like a girl, you run to her, she runs away. But when you pay no attention to her, she cares about you.
It is indeed possible that as you said, when you are looking for merit, it may be difficult to find.
But when you feel that the merits are dispensable, and you don't pay much attention, maybe you will write some messages with your heart. Maybe the merits come at this time.
I also need merits, but I do not want to force it now.