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August 24, 2013, 01:12:47 AM |
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here I sit less then a month away from my 30th year on earth. I also celebrate the birth of my first son. I also remember my little brother who died in 2005. Over the years, he had been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, attention deficit disorder and post traumatic stress disorder. He would call me dailey as he delt with feelings of abandonment and rejection. His last contact with me I'll never forget. He told me "I find myself afraid, anxious, emotional and insecure. I try my best to maintain to exist but sometimes existence isn’t enough. I sit and think the words acceptance and unconditional are very important words both in general and to one’s self. I seek the help but my struggles always work against me. So, I guess I’m just speaking a piece of my mind to say that I cope and I’m seemingly ok.
I never called anyone, I never told my mother or my sister. My wife at that time was a real hardcore christian. I even failed to converse with her assumeing her answer would be a church situation. About 2 or 3 days after that phone call my brother drove to the west coast. He made his way to a family grave plot wher our Grandfather and Grandmother are buried. He soon after ended his life.
As you can imagine folks wanted to blame drugs, booze and the script meds he was on. Thing of it is he was surpriseingly even to me drug free. Furthermore my brother didn't drink. He would attempt to be social and bar hop with us. When bought a shot he would hand it to a randon hottie and say "Handle my light work".
I've been pondering lately how awesome it would have been to conspire with him in this community. I really believe if he had ohung on. This community would have been a great distraction. The LOLz, Education as well as the golden dream we all share. "When are we going to do something bigtime bro" he would ask.
Well bro if you are out there the later responce I used to give you. .. it's now. I hope you are enjoying the. Madness from that mystic veil that is the afterlife.
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