So what is the best easiest way to find out what's up and to try to find my coins. Please dumb it down, assume I know nothing because I don't. I'm baffled
I'm sorry, there's really no way to recover your funds, BTC tx's are irreversible. You may meet people who would tell you that they can recover stolen BTC, don't fall for it, they are scammers, if you pay them any money to recover your stolen funds, consider the payment as stolen funds too.
It is hard, but the only thing to do right now is take this as a lesson, anything online is prone to hacking, and for your funds to be safe, it has to be in cold storage.