Totally new. Without a clue.

[Grand_Voyageur]

Can anyone explain to me how Bitcoins work? How to safely purchase bitcoins? Also explain to me how they are electronically stored and where?

A search with Google could be an useful thing to do for you. As others here have already said, If you are totally new to the bitcoin then the best thing you can do is watch videos on youtube. Also I suggest you to look the following URLs: http://bitcoin.org/en/faq, https://bitcoin.org/bitcoin.pdf, https://en.bitcoin.it/wiki/ and https://bitcoin.org/en/choose-your-wallet.