Then-chemistry teacher Roger Bennatti unwrapped the treat in his classroom in 1976 and placed it on top of a chalkboard to see how long it would take to rot.
What the Hell kind of chemistry teacher expects baked goods to rot? Doesn't he know that cooking kills the microorganisms responsible for decomposition? And that that's part of the reason for cooking food in the first place? The only reason Twinkies have preservatives at all is to slow the growth of mould, but in a cool, dry place they won't go mouldy in the first place.
For confirmation, I checked a loaf of preservative-free bread in my kitchen, and it has no expiry date. Just a "best before" date, because
bread doesn't rot! It just goes stale! How stupid do you have to be to think that cooked food rots?