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Author Topic: God I hate the British  (Read 2410 times)
Third Way
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January 27, 2013, 06:07:02 AM
 #1


>go to England
>head to restaurant for food
>watch is set to timezone of hometown
>ask someone what time it is
>"TOYME? WOTS THAT?"
>notice he doesn't have a watch on
>no one in England has a watch
>Big Ben starts to chime
>everyone stops what they're doing to count the bongs on their fingers
>man swerves off road and crashes into grocery store and is still counting bongs after crashing
>waitress drops my order on the floor while counting bongs on her fingers
>man panting while running frantically down the street: "OI, EVERYWAN, IT'S 7 BONG"
>everyone inside the restaurant and on the streets start clapping and cheering

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January 27, 2013, 11:43:11 AM
 #2

please refrain from using 4chan copypasta here.
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January 27, 2013, 11:54:26 AM
 #3

I've lived in Britain for 22 years since I was a child and the only thing I like about it is the rain, I can think of much worse things than that list about it, actually I think I will write that list.


. Chavs ( Think rednecks but with knives instead of guns and British accents, they tend to wear sports clothing )

. Any girls where I live who you'd want to go date usually have about two guys following them already ( honestly, I'm not exaggerating, they hover around them ) or almost certainly have a boyfriend because of how small the damn island is

. London, perhaps in my view one of the most overrated cities in the world, maybe it was my visit, but I found very little to like about it there just didn't seem to be as much there as people said, I guess it may depend on what you want to do there but for me it was really dull

. The economy is really dead here, particularly in my town, thousands and I mean thousands of homes are up for sale or rent because of the hyper-inflated housing prices

. Schools seem to be nothing more than gang warfare zones, it's as bad if not worse than the U.S, the only thing schools care about are their statistics so that means everything else goes to shit

. Two party system of the Conservative and Labour party, yep, we have a seriously undemocratic democracy, these guys do everything to prevent anyone on the outside getting in, both parties want to build an empire through overspending and inflation, I also find both the leaders incredibly irritating and patronising

. State funded BBC ( British Broadcasting Corporation ) the news from this place is particularly stupid and patronising because they seem to have this obsession with political correctness and it just makes them look like jackasses who don't know the real world, they're often on the giving end of one parties propaganda, usually the side that's going to win, if you actually look at what they say and write properly you'll find they're like a more devious and better spoken version of Fox

. Charity muggers, don't know if you guys get them over where you live but these are people who have been nicknamed so because they basically infest town centres and sometimes supermarkets they often harass people for money constantly and they've become such an issue that the local councils have had to ban them if they get too aggressive etc. they claim to collect for charity but it's actually been pretty well documented they and their bosses get a pretty big percentage of what you give them

. I almost forgot about speed cameras! Yes, speed camera's everywhere, they have this absolute paranoia that speed kills and it's pretty funny that they rant on about it when they deliberately place the camera's at the bottom of a very steep hill ( just as you're about to slow down from a fast speed because of gravity ) and on top of a very steep hill ( the opposite of before ) so yeah I'm sure they care about us and pedestrians deeply.
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January 27, 2013, 12:31:41 PM
 #4

+1 to Lethn's write-up, although that makes it sound even worse than it actually is, it's pretty much the truth. The EUSSR is obviously bad news, although being in it is arguably more of a symptom of Britain's sociopolitical malaise than the major cause.

The Britain a lot of people overseas admire is the place that existed 50+ years ago...

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January 27, 2013, 03:16:36 PM
 #5

+1 to Lethn's write-up, although that makes it sound even worse than it actually is, it's pretty much the truth. The EUSSR is obviously bad news, although being in it is arguably more of a symptom of Britain's sociopolitical malaise than the major cause.

The Britain a lot of people overseas admire is the place that existed 50+ years ago...
About the first and last thing overseas people want from UK is an education degree. I say it's overrated though...you wouldn't imagine how easy it was to get in an UK university apart from Oxbridge, LSE, and Imperial.

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January 27, 2013, 03:27:17 PM
 #6

Living smack bang in the middle of the Irish/British debaccle for all my life.

Have very little to identify with on both sides.

Starting to see myself step away from both sides and both sets of people.

The latest is fighting over a flag, pronounced FLEG if your a local of belfast. Thanks for showing the rest of the world how ready we are for modern times again you drunk fucking farmers.

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January 27, 2013, 04:32:52 PM
 #7


>go to England
>head to restaurant for food
>watch is set to timezone of hometown
>ask someone what time it is
>"TOYME? WOTS THAT?"
>notice he doesn't have a watch on
>no one in England has a watch
>Big Ben starts to chime
>everyone stops what they're doing to count the bongs on their fingers
>man swerves off road and crashes into grocery store and is still counting bongs after crashing
>waitress drops my order on the floor while counting bongs on her fingers
>man panting while running frantically down the street: "OI, EVERYWAN, IT'S 7 BONG"
>everyone inside the restaurant and on the streets start clapping and cheering

Rumor has it, in The Netherlands, they, too, count bongs.  Grin
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January 27, 2013, 05:03:37 PM
 #8

About the first and last thing overseas people want from UK is an education degree. I say it's overrated though...you wouldn't imagine how easy it was to get in an UK university apart from Oxbridge, LSE, and Imperial.

Depends on Uni and the specific course but there's more than those three that are difficult to get in to. About top30 (depending on the course) may be difficult to get into.
For example in 2011 the acceptance rate for CompSci & Math related courses was 15% for Nottingham Uni (which scores around 20 in UK) and 21% for Cambridge Uni.
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January 28, 2013, 03:05:29 AM
 #9

About the first and last thing overseas people want from UK is an education degree. I say it's overrated though...you wouldn't imagine how easy it was to get in an UK university apart from Oxbridge, LSE, and Imperial.

Depends on Uni and the specific course but there's more than those three that are difficult to get in to. About top30 (depending on the course) may be difficult to get into.
For example in 2011 the acceptance rate for CompSci & Math related courses was 15% for Nottingham Uni (which scores around 20 in UK) and 21% for Cambridge Uni.
Well, based on my experience as a foreigner graduating from a college where students do their A-Levels and apply to UK en masse, the only requirement needed is the A-Level results. 3-4 A's including 1-2 A*'s will ensure your entrance to all universities in UK barring what I listed above. They don't really care about what you write in your personal statement, nor give a damn about your other abilities. Heck, even 1-2 B's coupled with other A's get you in pretty much easily. Compare this with the hassle and headache of applying to US universities, and you'll see the stark difference.

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January 28, 2013, 04:25:55 PM
 #10

It's refreshing to hear others rant their own country. It makes me more satisfied about my own shitty currupt down spiralling nation.

Other countries always sound better because you don't read their news papers.

Points for having a PM that fights the insanity in Brussels.


 
 
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John (John K.)
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January 28, 2013, 04:33:39 PM
 #11

It's refreshing to hear others rant their own country. It makes me more satisfied about my own shitty currupt down spiralling nation.

Other countries always sound better because you don't read their news papers.

Points for having a PM that fights the insanity in Brussels.
Yeah, good point there. At least they have a standing PM against that dying monster of EU.
Other nations seem to be sitting and waiting for its collapse.

PS: You know what's on your personal text tab, right?  Wink

My BTC Tip Jar: 1Pgvfy19uwtYe5o9dg3zZsAjgCPt3XZqz9 , GPG ID: B3AAEEB0 ,OTC ID: johnthedong
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January 28, 2013, 04:47:49 PM
 #12

It's refreshing to hear others rant their own country. It makes me more satisfied about my own shitty currupt down spiralling nation.

Other countries always sound better because you don't read their news papers.

Points for having a PM that fights the insanity in Brussels.
Yeah, good point there. At least they have a standing PM against that dying monster of EU.
Other nations seem to be sitting and waiting for its collapse.

PS: You know what's on your personal text tab, right?  Wink

I know whats on my tab and I'm not chinese but an Ai WEIWEI fan.

I don't want to start a hunt down on chinese Bitcoin users because of it though. So if there is some meaning in my Pic text that eludes me, please corret me!


 
 
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John (John K.)
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January 28, 2013, 04:54:34 PM
 #13

It's refreshing to hear others rant their own country. It makes me more satisfied about my own shitty currupt down spiralling nation.

Other countries always sound better because you don't read their news papers.

Points for having a PM that fights the insanity in Brussels.
Yeah, good point there. At least they have a standing PM against that dying monster of EU.
Other nations seem to be sitting and waiting for its collapse.

PS: You know what's on your personal text tab, right?  Wink

I know whats on my tab and I'm not chinese but an Ai WEIWEI fan.

I don't want to start a hunt down on chinese Bitcoin users because of it though. So if there is some meaning in my Pic text that eludes me, please corret me!
*tries to stay civil*

The text is a pun of a widely used swear sentence referring to the listener's mom.  
Now that you've added the BTC word either inadvertently or purposefully, the complete sentence refers to a female organ on the listener's mom. Wink

I did try my best, didn't I?

My BTC Tip Jar: 1Pgvfy19uwtYe5o9dg3zZsAjgCPt3XZqz9 , GPG ID: B3AAEEB0 ,OTC ID: johnthedong
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January 28, 2013, 05:28:16 PM
 #14

It's refreshing to hear others rant their own country. It makes me more satisfied about my own shitty currupt down spiralling nation.

Other countries always sound better because you don't read their news papers.

Points for having a PM that fights the insanity in Brussels.
Yeah, good point there. At least they have a standing PM against that dying monster of EU.
Other nations seem to be sitting and waiting for its collapse.

PS: You know what's on your personal text tab, right?  Wink

I know whats on my tab and I'm not chinese but an Ai WEIWEI fan.

I don't want to start a hunt down on chinese Bitcoin users because of it though. So if there is some meaning in my Pic text that eludes me, please corret me!
*tries to stay civil*

The text is a pun of a widely used swear sentence referring to the listener's mom.  
Now that you've added the BTC word either inadvertently or purposefully, the complete sentence refers to a female organ on the listener's mom. Wink

I did try my best, didn't I?


LOL, I thought that it was a Chinese anti government joke. I don't want to offend anybodys mum.


 
 
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John (John K.)
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January 28, 2013, 05:31:31 PM
 #15

It's refreshing to hear others rant their own country. It makes me more satisfied about my own shitty currupt down spiralling nation.

Other countries always sound better because you don't read their news papers.

Points for having a PM that fights the insanity in Brussels.
Yeah, good point there. At least they have a standing PM against that dying monster of EU.
Other nations seem to be sitting and waiting for its collapse.

PS: You know what's on your personal text tab, right?  Wink

I know whats on my tab and I'm not chinese but an Ai WEIWEI fan.

I don't want to start a hunt down on chinese Bitcoin users because of it though. So if there is some meaning in my Pic text that eludes me, please corret me!
*tries to stay civil*

The text is a pun of a widely used swear sentence referring to the listener's mom.  
Now that you've added the BTC word either inadvertently or purposefully, the complete sentence refers to a female organ on the listener's mom. Wink

I did try my best, didn't I?


LOL, I thought that it was a Chinese anti government joke. I don't want to offend anybodys mum.
It became an anti government joke when Ai Wei Wei recorded some stuff using this sentence if I'm not wrong. The phase you have literally means :'Fxxx your mom's XXXXXX'.   Lips sealed

edit: now it means the same sentence above minus the last XXXXXX.  Tongue

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January 28, 2013, 05:46:06 PM
 #16

The worst thing for me about being British is when I go abroad everyone blames me for colonialism. I can't argue with that, since since we're in Libya, Afghanistan, Mali, Iraq... and so it goes on...

I'm ashamed of my nationality and trade it for something else... if the trade-off wasn't too extreme of course (i.e. not penniless and destitute...)

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January 28, 2013, 05:47:04 PM
 #17

I've lived in Britain for 22 years since I was a child and the only thing I like about it is the rain, I can think of much worse things than that list about it, actually I think I will write that list.


. Chavs ( Think rednecks but with knives instead of guns and British accents, they tend to wear sports clothing )

. Any girls where I live who you'd want to go date usually have about two guys following them already ( honestly, I'm not exaggerating, they hover around them ) or almost certainly have a boyfriend because of how small the damn island is

. London, perhaps in my view one of the most overrated cities in the world, maybe it was my visit, but I found very little to like about it there just didn't seem to be as much there as people said, I guess it may depend on what you want to do there but for me it was really dull

. The economy is really dead here, particularly in my town, thousands and I mean thousands of homes are up for sale or rent because of the hyper-inflated housing prices

. Schools seem to be nothing more than gang warfare zones, it's as bad if not worse than the U.S, the only thing schools care about are their statistics so that means everything else goes to shit

. Two party system of the Conservative and Labour party, yep, we have a seriously undemocratic democracy, these guys do everything to prevent anyone on the outside getting in, both parties want to build an empire through overspending and inflation, I also find both the leaders incredibly irritating and patronising

. State funded BBC ( British Broadcasting Corporation ) the news from this place is particularly stupid and patronising because they seem to have this obsession with political correctness and it just makes them look like jackasses who don't know the real world, they're often on the giving end of one parties propaganda, usually the side that's going to win, if you actually look at what they say and write properly you'll find they're like a more devious and better spoken version of Fox

. Charity muggers, don't know if you guys get them over where you live but these are people who have been nicknamed so because they basically infest town centres and sometimes supermarkets they often harass people for money constantly and they've become such an issue that the local councils have had to ban them if they get too aggressive etc. they claim to collect for charity but it's actually been pretty well documented they and their bosses get a pretty big percentage of what you give them

. I almost forgot about speed cameras! Yes, speed camera's everywhere, they have this absolute paranoia that speed kills and it's pretty funny that they rant on about it when they deliberately place the camera's at the bottom of a very steep hill ( just as you're about to slow down from a fast speed because of gravity ) and on top of a very steep hill ( the opposite of before ) so yeah I'm sure they care about us and pedestrians deeply.

Tsk tsk, you hapless colonial! Yes, you have valid points, but the order is all wrong!

1) Yes the BBC is awful with it's mindless Orwellian PC propaganda and social engineering.
2) Yes speed camera are fucking *everywhere* in fact cameras are everywhere, its pretty much an open prison.  
3) Yes, the women are *howlers* and they behave even worse than they look.
4) London is indeed a grey shithole. It's on my doorstep and I never bother to travel in.
5) Yes we do still run the world. Americans didn't win the war of independence, we just let them think we did. After all, the best slave is the one that thinks he's free.
6) Yes we did invent all sport. We don't mind losing the game so long as you all play by our rules.
7) Never heard of a "Charity Mugger"
Cool Two party system? Ha ha ha!

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January 28, 2013, 05:48:54 PM
 #18

British humour rocks!

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January 28, 2013, 05:56:22 PM
 #19

The UK also has some of the strictest gun laws in the world, so the population would be essentially defenseless if, for example, the government decided to engage in genocide. This is one area where I'm definitely thankful to be in the US.

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January 28, 2013, 06:12:31 PM
 #20

Fuck England, but let's not say anything bad about Scotland.   Wink





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