Any native english speakers? I need help with a bitcoin-script

[neutrinox]

Edit: Here's the animation:
http://youtu.be/QyVeHC4X2eA

Hi!

I’m producing a short animation about bitcoin. Instead of making this one neutral, I want to boldly explain why bitcoin is better than the current monetary systems. Thus the video is slightly more political than some other bitcoin animations.

The animation part is actually already finished, but I will record the vocals for it on monday (with the help of a native english speaker/radio host). I’m not a native english speaker myself so I was wondering if you guys would like to help me fix any grammatical mistakes I probably have in the text? You can also suggest changes to the actual content if you feel that is needed! Here’s the text:

Bitcoin is the first decentralized monetary system, which is hosted on the web by regular people.

It’s based on an open source computer program that hundreds of thousands of people are running on their computers. These computers, often specifically built for bitcoins, are executing challenging cryptographic calculations by which a public ledger of all the bitcoin transactions is kept.

Bitcoin removes the need to use third parties, like banks or credit card companies, in monetary transactions. That means not only cheaper and faster payments, but also more financial freedom as governments or banks can’t freeze the funds of citizens for political or other reasons.

The number of bitcoins has been limited from the beginning so that there can never be more than 21 million bitcoins. As a result, many believe the value of bitcoins will rise when more and more people start using them. Bitcoin has indeed been possibly the best investment of the year because it’s value has gone up thousands of percents. Bitcoin has also become the most valuable currency in the world in just a few years.

When traditional central banks print large amounts of euros and dollars, inflation occurs in which the value of existing money decreases year by year and the prices in shops keep getting higher and higher. Bitcoin on the other hand is practically a deflationary currency. Deflation constantly increases the value of money, thus discouraging unnecessary consumption and the taking on of debt, whilst encouraging saving. The longer you can wait with your purchase, the less bitcoins it is likely to cost you.

Most people would rather teach their children to save money for purchases instead of using large amounts of credit. It is common sense to prefer a monetary system which rewards saving instead of debt.

There are three different ways of getting bitcoins:
-You can buy them from bitcoin exchanges and directly from other people
-You can exchange them for goods and services
-Or you can mine them yourself with a computer

It’s worth mentioning that mining has become more and more computationally intensive because of the huge growth in miners and improvements in their hardware. That has led to bitcoin network becoming the most powerful computer network in the entire world, which makes attacking it very difficult.

Many people believe that bitcoin is about to disrupt the monetary system in a similar fashion to how email changed the way we communicate. It’s a technological masterpiece and a demonstration of how smart technology can solve problems that once appeared impossible to solve.

You shouldn’t simply believe this video though, because that wouldn’t be smart. Read more about bitcoin in Wikipedia and other sources and study the system carefully yourself. Many people that have started out skeptical have been surprised by how brilliant the bitcoin system is.

Bitcoin is more than just a superb way of transferring money and storing value. It’s a new kind of protocol for storing distributed information in a reliable manner.

Bitcoin is about to change the world, because it’s an idea whose time has come.



Edit: Included suggestions!

[1714164613]

1714164613

[vpitcher07]

Hi!

I’m producing a short animation about bitcoin. Instead of making this one neutral, I want to boldly explain why bitcoin is better than the current monetary systems. Thus the video is slightly more political than some other bitcoin animations.

The animation part is actually already finished, but I will record the vocals for it on monday (with the help of a native english speaker/radio host). I’m not a native english speaker myself so I was wondering if you guys would like to help me fix any grammatical mistakes I probably have in the text? You can also suggest changes to the actual content if you feel that is needed! Here’s the text:

Bitcoin is the first decentralized monetary system which is hosted on the web by regular people.

It’s based on an open source computer program that hundreds of thousands of people are running on their computers. These computers, often specifically crafted for bitcoins, are executing challenging cryptographic calculations by which a public ledger of all the bitcoin transactions is kept.

Bitcoin removes the need to use third parties like banks or credit card companies in monetary transactions. That means not only cheaper and faster payments, but also more financial freedom as governments or banks can’t freeze the funds of citizens for political or other reasons.

The amount of bitcoins has been limited from the beginning so that there can never be more than 21 million bitcoins. As a result, many believe the value of bitcoins will rise when more and more people start using them. Bitcoin has indeed been possibly the greatest investment of the year because it’s value has gone up thousands of percents. (it's value has risen over a thousand percent) Bitcoin has also become the most valuable currency in the world in just a few years.

When traditional central banks print large amounts of euros and dollars, inflation occurs in which the value of existing money is weakened year by year and the prices in shops keep getting higher and higher. Bitcoin on the other hand is practically a deflationary currency. Thus it encourages cutting unnecessary consumption and saving money, instead of taking large amounts of debt, because in deflation the value of saved money is growing unlike in inflation. (This sentence sounds awkward and seems like a run on) The longer you can wait with your purchase, the less bitcoins it is likely to cost you.

There are three different ways of getting bitcoins: -You can buy them from bitcoin exchanges and directly from other people -You can exchange them for goods and services -Or you can mine them yourself with a computer

Although it’s worth mentioning that mining has become more and more computationally intensive because of the huge growth in miners and improvements in their hardware. That has led to bitcoin network becoming the most powerful computer network in the entire world, which makes attacking it very difficult.

Many people believe that bitcoin is about to disrupt the monetary system in a similar fashion that email changed the way we can communicate. It’s a technological masterpiece and a demonstration of how smart technology can solve even problems that looked impossible to solve.

You shouldn’t simply believe this video though, because that wouldn’t be smart. Read more about bitcoin in Wikipedia and other sources and study the system carefully yourself. Many people that have started out skeptical have been surprised on how brilliant the bitcoin system is.

Bitcoin is more than just a superb way of transferring money an storing value. It’s a new kind of protocol for storing distributed information in a reliable manner.

Bitcoin is about to change the world, because it’s an idea whose time has come.

For a non native english speaker this is quiet impressive. I've put a couple of changes that I'd personally recommend but I'm not a grammar expert. Also, about the "thousands of percents", is that even true? I'd double check that fact.

edit: typo, go figure...

[empoweoqwj]

You write better English than most native English speakers, including me, so don't worry about it, just publish. If you think any sentences are awkward your English language skills are certainly sufficient to alter them yourself.

[neutrinox]

Thank you for your feedback!

Bitcoin has actually grown close to 9000 percent since beginning of 2013 so we are being quite modest by just saying "thousands of percents"

I agree that the deflation sentence sounds a bit akward.

Would it be better if I formulate it like this:

"Bitcoin on the other hand is practically a deflationary currency. Thus it encourages cutting unnecessary consumption and saving money, instead of taking increasing amounts of debt. That's because, unlike in inflation, in deflation the value of saved money tends to grow."

[cr1776]

You have done a good job.  My only points would be:
1. "Crafted". I might say built or designed.
2. I agree about the "thousands of prevents" phrasing.
3. "Value is ... weakened".instead something like" The value of existing money decreases year by year..."
4. I'd rephrase this part slightly to read: "Many people believe that bitcoin is about to disrupt the monetary system like email changed the way we can communicate."
5. ... Money anD storing value.  It says "an" now.
6. Number vs amount.

I have to say you did a wonderful job here as a non native speaker, there are just a few turns of phrase that might tip someone off.  Good work!

[NUFCrichard]

I have suggested a few small changes.  Sorry if I am being picky, but I assume that is what you are after.  I am not very happy with the "in a similar fashion to" part.  It doesn't sound right, but then I can't think of an improvement either.

Bitcoin is the first decentralized monetary system, which is hosted on the web by regular people.

Bitcoin removes the need to use third parties, like banks or credit card companies, in monetary transactions. That means not only cheaper and faster payments, but also more financial freedom as governments or banks can’t freeze the funds of citizens for political or other reasons.

The amount number of bitcoins has been limited from the beginning so that there can never be more than 21 million bitcoins

Bitcoin has indeed been possibly the greatest best investment of the year because it’s value has gone up thousands of percents

Thus it encourages cutting unnecessary consumption and saving money, instead of taking large amounts of debt, because in deflation the value of saved money is growing unlike in inflation.

 
How about: Deflation constantly increases the value of money, thus discouraging unnecessary consumption and the taking on of debt, whilst encouraging saving.  

Although it’s worth mentioning that mining has become more and more computationally intensive because of the huge growth in miners and improvements in their hardware.

I would remove "although" at the start unless you have a contra point to end the sentence.

Many people believe that bitcoin is about to disrupt the monetary system in a similar fashion that to how email changed the way we can communicate. It’s a technological masterpiece and a demonstration of how smart technology can solve even problems that once looked appeared impossible to solve.

You shouldn’t simply believe this video though, because that wouldn’t be smart. Read more about bitcoin in Wikipedia and other sources and study the system carefully yourself. Many people that have started out skeptical have been surprised on by how brilliant the bitcoin system is.

Bitcoin is more than just a superb way of transferring money and storing value

[neutrinox]

Thank you so much for your constructive help! I included every suggestion you guys made! I'm now really looking forward to recording this on Monday!

[neutrinox]

I noticed there was one small part still missing from my text earlier:

"Most people would probably teach their children to rather save money for their purchases instead of taking large amounts of credit. It suites common sense to have a monetary system which rewards saving money instead of debt taking."

Could that sentence be improved?

[NUFCrichard]

It is common sense, or it makes sense.

On a side note, I think that what you are saying is the main fault of a deflationary currency. Everyone hoards and never spends = no economy

[cr1776]

My thoughts on that sentence are:

"Most people would probably rather teach their children to rather save money for their purchases instead of taking using large amounts of credit. It is common sense to have prefer a monetary system which rewards saving money instead of debt taking."

[neutrinox]

It is common sense, or it makes sense.

On a side note, I think that what you are saying is the main fault of a deflationary currency. Everyone hoards and never spends = no economy

I'm aware that many economists think deflation is bad because of that. But here's what I always respond:

You say nobody want's to buy due to deflation because price will be cheaper tomorrow. I say with the same logic nobody should want to sell due to inflation because price will be higher tomorrow. Yet people are selling things all the time. People are also buying massive amounts of phones and computers, even though they will be better tomorrow. In real life, very few people can afford to hoard and wait. We have needs as humans that can't be put on hold forever.

I do believe some unnecessary consumption might be cut, but some might argue that is exactly what our planet needs in order to better maintain the rising population.

[neutrinox]

My thoughts on that sentence are:

"Most people would probably rather teach their children to rather save money for their purchases instead of taking using large amounts of credit. It is common sense to have prefer a monetary system which rewards saving money instead of debt taking."

Thank you very much, I will edit your suggestion in!

[cr1776]

It is common sense, or it makes sense.

On a side note, I think that what you are saying is the main fault of a deflationary currency. Everyone hoards and never spends = no economy

I'm aware that many economists think deflation is bad because of that. But here's what I always respond:

You say nobody want's to buy due to deflation because price will be cheaper tomorrow. I say with the same logic nobody should want to sell due to inflation because price will be higher tomorrow. Yet people are selling things all the time. People are also buying massive amounts of phones and computers, even though they will be better tomorrow. In real life, very few people can afford to hoard and wait. We have needs as humans that can't be put on hold forever.

I do believe some unnecessary consumption might be cut, but some might argue that is exactly what our planet needs in order to better maintain the rising population.

I think that is a good explanation. SilkRoad was also a great counter example. People were buying there all the time for things they wanted (or "needed").

 Bitcoin's properties merely make people think twice as to whether they should buy something or not.  Since it is unlikely to replace all other currencies in the foreseeable future, it seems likely that any deflationary properties will be a large problem in the foreseeable future. 

[empoweoqwj]

Let us know when the animation is out.

[neutrinox]

Let us know when the animation is out.

Hi!

The finished animation is now online, you can check it out here:

http://youtu.be/QyVeHC4X2eA

Thank you so much for everyones suggestions!

[empoweoqwj]

Very good actually, especially the animation. How did you find "the voice"?

[neutrinox]

Very good actually, especially the animation. How did you find "the voice"?

Thanks! The voice actually belongs to my former teacher who happens to also host a radio show, so I thought he might be able to pull it off.