For Preventing the Depreciation of Bitcoin and For Ensuring that the Only Way is UP! UP! UP!
Since Bitcoin is backed by drama and lulz, the obvious approach would be to increase the available drama and distributed lulz circulating through the system. Therefore I think all intelligent observers educated in the means and ways of Bitcoin will readily agree with the wisdom and practicality of the following proposed measures:
- BFL should fire Josh forthwith. Of late he's been a sluggard and derelict in his drama duties, providing indeed very little of any value. Instead BFL should hire Uppity Tortilla, who is both more talented, more dynamic and more finnish than Inaba ever was. Payment can continue as before in betsofbitco.in stock and (slightly) used potato chips to which no self respecting Tortilla would object.
- The current holder, principal, chief janitor and grand master of the largest bitcoin precious metal fund (according to his own weights and measurements created for the occasion), Princess Pokemon Oliver Usagi the IVXth should unite powers with the CEO-President etc of Silvervault, Hopea.fi, EIH among others. This merger would create a behemoth (tentatively named Amalgamated Conglomerate?) which would at the very least allow the general (and mostly unsuspecting) public be exposed to the ultimate cocktail of imaginary holdings in precious volatilities as well as market synergies and also advice with commentary and adnotation in heretofore unprecedented volumes (not to mention complexity and raw raving apoplexy).
- Mr Risoto Quesadilla should proceed with a court case against MtGox for approximately 75 million dollars' worth of liquidated damages on the indisputable grounds that CIA agents hired by Tibanne and sporting mutual sigiliums were expected to start jumping from the Bushes at any moment as the supernode collapsed in a (small) cloud of dust. The suit should probably take the form of a class action because those are the coolest suits available and be pressed in a convenient jurisdiction such as the self-proclaimed Transdnistrian republic (or perhaps under the covers, with a flashlight).
- Mike Caldwell should advise and above all encourage as much as possible the participants in all the foregoing. With his muchly respected wit, accumulated experience, recognised bon humour and solid principled stance of benevolence towards all bipedal life forms as if they were equally the same - irrespective of merit, competence, the presence of beaks or any other such divisive, discriminatory considerations - it is certainly undubious that only good and positive results can be expected.
This of course leaves open some minor questions, such as "why are there no women involved in Bitcoin", "why is there no exchange with a trade engine capable of serving trades the same day", "how come to this day nobody has any clue what the Bitcoin client will do in any practical circumstance" and so forth, but there's little doubt in my mind that such inconsequential considerations will continue to wait as they have undisturbed since at least 2009.
Thank you for your time dear reader and up your Bitcoin!
Bitcoin is backed by more than just drama and lulz. Birthed from the seeds of brilliant intercorse, suckled on the tubes of the interwebs, it blossomed into a delicious cripto-loli -- loved and desired by all.
Many have courted this precocious child, their advances thwarted by a curt "have a seat over there." Nay, the way into bitcoin is not wide, but (still) narrow (no thanks to you, you filthy p...) Bespeckled sages have prophesied of Bitcoin's Age of Consent, beseeching the seekers to"zip it up, fer chrissakes!" 'till that longed-for time. Their words, for those who have the ears to hear them, ring as true now as the day they were first spoken: "Ply her with innovation. Bitches love innovation!"
I humbly propose an improvement to the BTC protocol to better facilitate Bitcoin's Great White Hope: Supernodes!
