Hi all.
It is my very first time posting here and my english is not good, hope you guys don't mind. I just want to tell you about my story, a boring one maybe.
But I don't care, I just want to write something to make myself feel better.
I'm almost 25 years old and I've been graduated from university for 2.5 years. Now I work as an electrical engineer in a poor country. My salary per month is around 500$, for your information. It is considered average level here.
I'm the kind of guy who never think too much about money. I don't dream of being rich or something likes that. All I want is a job which I'm interested in and some beer and some music after working, it is enough. (I'm a huge rock/metal fan by the way. And my favorite band of all time is Deep Purple)
I have a younger sister who still in university. Every month I send her some money for supporting her education, and send some to my parent. They are retired. I know it is my responsibility. I only keep amount of money enough for my living. In general, I don't have any saving after 2.5 years of working.
And I felt no problem about it.
I know about bitcoin and crytocurrency trading when "wanna cry" event happened. I did some research and spend about 100$ on bitcoin and start trading for fun. Of course I lost almost my money but I didnt mind. I quit trading after 1 month and forgot about them.
Things become more complicated since I had a girl friend. I never expected one, but in fact I have a girl friend now.It sounds funny right?
She is a colleague in my company and we had our relationship 3 months ago. She has somethings very special which makes my heart melted at the first time we met. I tried to talk to her more and more and after getting closer we started hanging out, did things together and eventually fall in love with each other. I'm happy with that relationship but the first time of my life, I started to feel worry about money. Now I have to deal with a thing called "love fee".
"Now I should change my hairstyle. I can not go out with a girl with that bird net hair..."
" I think I should buy some new clothes and shoes..."
" I think I should invite her to that restaurant..."
"Tomorrow is a special day,I should buy her that gift..."
I usually tell myself that kind of sentence. I think you guys can understand. She always treat me well and I want to do best thing for her. And it is impossible to do so without money, in my opinion. I had to find some way to earn more money. Badly, I chose gamble. I put my money to e-sport betting site and watched people play video games all days. I even could not focus on my job anymore. At first days, I earned some. Things seemed good and and I decided to play big. Of course I lost, fuck it! I tried to play some more and hope for a comeback but eventually I lost again and again and my budget went away.
"It doesn't work. You have to control your emotion and find another way" I blamed myself. I asked some of my friends and colleagues if they can lend me some money. I sold all of my music gears and electrical tools. With that money, I though about cryptocurrency. I heard on news every days about some guys who make big in this field. I researched seriously, find information on internet, started to trade and joined some ICO. But you know what, I cant do shit. Money is gone again. Maybe this is not for me. I thought it should be easy and simple but it's not. I'm just a fool. I fooled myself with a big illusion.
Right now I'm sitting in front of my PC, smoking cigarettes like a machine and I feel lost. I don't know what my girl friend will think if she know my situation. Next Sunday is her birthday. I don't know what to do next. Maybe there is a solution and I have to find it. Oh god, I wish I could forgot everything and just lay down, put on a headphone and listen to some music peacefully. But I think there is no way back.
