Tell us a joke....

[bojan92]

A new sandwich bar claims that it can make any type of sandwich immediately and are so confident that they promise to pay a thousand dollars to anyone who can think of a sandwich which they don't have.so the first customer walks up and asks for apple flavoured noodles in a sandwich, 30 seconds later the sandwich is served to him just like he asked. The second customer walks up and asks for a potato and seaweed sandwich. Again the sandwich bar owner comes straight back out from the kitchen with a smug look on his face and a potato and seaweed sandwich in his hands. Finally a very cocky looking customer walks up and asks for an elephant penis and camel hoof sandwich,topped with panda sperm and the shavings of an albatrosses claws,the owner is in the kitchen for a long time before he walks back out with no sandwich but just a thousand dollars in his hand.the customer starts celebrating and says he knew they wouldn't have them ingredients to which the owner replies "oh we have the penis the hoof the panda sperm and the claws,we just have no bread."

[Most]

A nude girl walks in a bar .

Girl : Give me a bottle of wine .

Waiter[GAZES AT HER]

Girl : Have you never seen a nude girl ?

Waiter : Its not that . I am just wondering from where will you find your money out !

[PrikiNo.1]

A nude girl walks in a bar .

Girl : Give me a bottle of wine .

Waiter[GAZES AT HER]

Girl : Have you never seen a nude girl ?

Waiter : Its not that . I am just wondering from where will you find your money out !

haha The answer is very simple, if she don't have money then she will have to make compromise with the bartender...

[bojan92]

4 mothers were sitting in a café having a catch-up.
Blonde Mother: how are your daughters going?
Red-Head Mother: alas not good I discovered some rather horrific objects in my daughter's purse yesterday
Black Hair Mother: same here
Brunette Mother: me too!
Red-Head: awful it was! A giant floppy dildo just lying at the bottom. It made me feel like honoring SO DISGUSTING I never know my daughter was so vulgar!
-all mothers shuddered in agreement-
Black Hair Mother: mine is worse! I looked in and saw tablets. But not just any tablets, BIRTH CONTROL TABLETS! I ant believe my daughter is already having sex with boys
-all mothers gasp and shake their heads-
Brunette Mother: that's nothing! I found a positive pregnancy test in my daughters handbag! Which means she has already gotten pregnant and not even told me. I can't afford to have another child to look after and she isn't ready.
-all mothers give support and pat her on the back-
Blonde Mother: you guys don't even have problems! In my daughters purse I found a pack of condoms! I can't believe that she is a boy!!!

[LucioTan]

Q: Why was the skeleton so lonely?

A: Because he don't got no body.

LOL...I kill me...

[PrikiNo.1]

Reid Faylor on Halloween

I dressed my dog up as a cat for Halloween. Now he won’t come when I call him.

[dragansk1]

Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office my secretary said: Happy birthday boss! I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said: Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute? I said: OK. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends and my colleagues all yelling SURPRISE!!! while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.

[bojan92]

Island Throne
There was once an island kingdom whose people were all fabulously wealthy. Even though they could have afforded to live anywhere they wanted, tradition dictated they stay on their tiny island home.
Eventually, their king became frustrated and called a meeting of the tribe's elders. He said he wanted them to figure out a way he could enjoy his wealth, and stay within traditional guidelines.
After much consideration, the elders suggested he build a magnificent throne. When he objected there was not enough room in his hut for a throne, the elders suggested he call in an engineer to solve the problem.
Soon, the king's tiny hut was rigged with an elaborate system of ropes and pulleys. He could lower the huge throne for use during the day, and at night, he could haul the throne up, and lower his bed. This was truly the best of both worlds for the king.
Unfortunately, after a few months of constant use the roopes frayed, and one night, the throne slipped and came crashing down on the king, killing him.
The wise men of the island recognized a lesson in this experience and added to the lore of their people this statement: "People who live in grass houses should not stow thrones."

[PrikiNo.1]

A Bar Walks Into a Man…

Clif Bars answer the question “What if it wasn’t frowned upon to eat an entire sleeve of mushed-up 
oatmeal cookies before noon?”

[micogurtiza]

Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.

 One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"

 Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."

 His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."

 A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"

 With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."

 The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"

 Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."

[OgNasty]

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