(Title shamelessly stolen. 1 satoshi if you know where it's from. Bet will be settled through paper wallet containing the above amount.)
Doom and gloom everywhere! Kind of depressing, huh? So let's have a long, hearty laugh at the idiocy of others. For this purpose, allow me to present to you the inimitable William Inman, and his
Five Ways to Fix Bitcoin.

As you can imagine, I enthusiastically agree with each of his points, but would perhaps like to add a few of my own:
- Have the printed bills (with the faces of US presidents) delivered to the user by clown cars. They should be painted bright green to inspire confidence in the currency.
- Printing virtual bucks on paper makes them hack proof, as the author correctly states. However, the ink with which to print them needs to be hack proof as well. It is therefore recommended to only use Original HP® cartridges when printing your "virtual" "bucks" as "paper" "wallets"
Can you think of further additions to his collection of fantastic improvements, dear reader?