If anyone has any comments or suggestions for improvement, I'd very much appreciate it.
Hi, I read your document. I don't really see what this gets the parties over a simple "You pay me $x
now, and I will pay you y
bitcoins at time t
." Also, I am fluent in the notation, and did not have a problem reading it, but you really buried the lede by describing the contract using mathematical equations. The document would be more accessible to more people if you had a subsection of the introduction describing the key ideas of the contract in words. If you do that, you will probably get more people asking the same question I am, but you need to answer that question anyway.