My advice: A gambling addict brother.

[Lida93]

Hello bitcointalk community.
I need your hints and thoughts on this because I honestly having a double feeling if what I gave out was the right advise to give or it's going to worsen matters more than it currently is.

it's actually about a neighbor whose younger sibling came visiting to spend two nights at his place, from what I was told by his elder bro who's financially well to do, his sibling specifically came over to request for financial support and before then he has been calling on phone to which he has been ditching the calls, he therefore had to come in person to visit, and has been all over him claiming he needs the money for some urgent business setup. According to him, he's avoiding his bro because most times he had supported him with money he has regularly squander it on gambling and as a result he has resolved on not giving him money again.

He couldn't hold the disturbance about how he feels according to him, so he had to share the entire story with me seeking for my advice because he doesn't know if his bro is genuine about his alleged business claims. I felt pity for him having a gambling addicted brother, so the advise I gave him was that he shouldn't give him a penny, if he really genuine about the business let him go sought himself out elsewhere and when he(my neighbor) later sees the business growing he can then support.
But, later in the day I started feeling bad for advising a brother not to help his own brother when he's in need of help he can give due to my sentiment against gambling addiction.

what do you guys think about this?
I planned on locking the thread after a few shared thoughts.

[Moreno233]

He couldn't hold the disturbance about how he feels according to him, so he had to share the entire story with me seeking for my advice because he doesn't know if his bro is genuine about his alleged business claims. I felt pity for him having a gambling addicted brother, so the advise I gave him was that he shouldn't give him a penny, if he really genuine about the business let him go sought himself out elsewhere and when he(my neighbor) later sees the business growing he can then support.
But, later in the day I started feeling bad for advising a brother not to help his own brother when he's in need of help he can give due to my sentiment against gambling addiction.

what do you guys think about this?

If the brother is a gambling addict and have wasted money he has given to him in gambling for many times, your advice is the right thing to do. If the brother is serious about opening a business, then let him go and do his findings before supporting the business by paying directly and not through the brother to avoid funding the brother's bad gambling practice. There is nothing bad about helping a brother but when the help is not really help, other better ways of going about it should be explored.

What the brother need now is how to deal with the addiction first before even talking about business. If he has not even seen a problem with his gambling habit, then any amount of money given to him for any reason will be wasted.

[Richbased]

I don't think you gave him a wrong advice because since he has sent him money on several occasions and he ended up squandering the money in gambling who knows if he has a genuine intention about the business he wants to venture into, but that not withstanding if it was me I will give same advice as you gave him because his brother will still end up spending the money on bets who knows he must have seen a sure odd that he trust so much hence he's trying to use that strategy to get money from his brother so it's not for you to feel bad about it.

Some people are just naturally lazy due to the fact that they have people as backups in case of anything especially those that have people that stands out for them in times of needs and difficulties and some persons tries to take that as an advantage to always use cunny ways to get money from such people and I believe that is same way his brother is trying to use. If you don't allow gambling addicts to pass through difficult situations they won't reduce the rate they gamble or better quit because anyone who can't control their gambling habits should rather stop playing for the sake of their mental health.

[Oshosondy]

If his brother is a gambling addict, the reason he said he wants the money could be a lie. He may just need the money to have extra time to gamble again and he will lose the money. If he is a gambling addict, he is not worthy to be given the money. Your advice is not wrong. I have done exactly the same thing before when I was a gambling addict. I borrowed the money from my brother and used it to gamble.

[Rockstarguy]

He couldn't hold the disturbance about how he feels according to him, so he had to share the entire story with me seeking for my advice because he doesn't know if his bro is genuine about his alleged business claims. I felt pity for him having a gambling addicted brother, so the advise I gave him was that he shouldn't give him a penny, if he really genuine about the business let him go sought himself out elsewhere and when he(my neighbor) later sees the business growing he can then support.
But, later in the day I started feeling bad for advising a brother not to help his own brother when he's in need of help he can give due to my sentiment against gambling addiction.

what do you guys think about this?
I planned on locking the thread after a few shared thoughts.

One thing I know is that no matter how bad someone is it is only family members that can still embrace the person,  other person's will give up on you but your family will still hold on to you. For me I won't advice the man not to support is siblings, the only thing I can tell him is to make his decisions based on his experience he has encountered with the sibling, only can tell if the sibling is trying to extort money from or not.

People may have bad habit in spending money but it doesn't mean family members should turn their back against them, they still need support especially if the money is available to assist. I won't advice someone not to assist their siblings just because of the person who needs assistance is an addict or don't know how to manage money. It is a family matter for one to take decision to assist or not.

[EluguHcman]

what do you guys think about this?

You failed to imply some ideals to that your neighbor on how he can help his brother to fight against his gambling addiction.
If I were you, I will make the neighbor confiding in me about his brothers gambling addiction to understand what addiction, how it starts and how it can ruin a life because the brother not helping his other brother financially anymore due to lessons thought is not the best but how the guy could be smuggle out of the addiction.
We also know that hardly any addicted victim could help itself but mostly a duty to the loved ones to help them out.

Him asking the brother to sort himself elsewhere before he can assist him will not make different from his addiction.
So at this course, I would be better if the brother if the addicted gambler.
In financial management, if one can not manage a $100, same person can not manage $200+.

So let us assume he requested for $100 for this business ideal and the bro did not trust him probably the bro can not afford to see that $100 wasted for the bro investment, he can put him on trial and ask him to look for a smaller business requiring not less than $30 probably this is a fund that the bro can afford in case the guy decided to stil use it on gambling. So his start there will determine his seriousness to let go his addiction. That should be a conditional setup for this addicted after much sanitary advices on him.

[Spaceman1000$]

Hello bitcointalk community.
I need your hints and thoughts on this because I honestly having a double feeling if what I gave out was the right advise to give or it's going to worsen matters more than it currently is.

it's actually about a neighbor whose younger sibling came visiting to spend two nights at his place, from what I was told by his elder bro who's financially well to do, his sibling specifically came over to request for financial support and before then he has been calling on phone to which he has been ditching the calls, he therefore had to come in person to visit, and has been all over him claiming he needs the money for some urgent business setup. According to him, he's avoiding his bro because most times he had supported him with money he has regularly squander it on gambling and as a result he has resolved on not giving him money again.

He couldn't hold the disturbance about how he feels according to him, so he had to share the entire story with me seeking for my advice because he doesn't know if his bro is genuine about his alleged business claims. I felt pity for him having a gambling addicted brother, so the advise I gave him was that he shouldn't give him a penny, if he really genuine about the business let him go sought himself out elsewhere and when he(my neighbor) later sees the business growing he can then support.
But, later in the day I started feeling bad for advising a brother not to help his own brother when he's in need of help he can give due to my sentiment against gambling addiction.

what do you guys think about this?
I planned on locking the thread after a few shared thoughts.

I think the best thing is for the brother who is well to do financial, is to collect the business proposal from his alleged gambling addicted brother and set it up by himself, maybe afterwards he can hand it over to the brother to either run it or hire people to help the brother run it. Time after time, he can be regularly checking in on the progress of the business.

So haven known the deficiency his brother is suffering from, left alone with me, I wouldn't even advise the brother to hand over the money to him too, so OP I'm in some way in support of your advise given the veracity of the situation involved.

[coin-investor]

He couldn't hold the disturbance about how he feels according to him, so he had to share the entire story with me seeking for my advice because he doesn't know if his bro is genuine about his alleged business claims. I felt pity for him having a gambling addicted brother, so the advise I gave him was that he shouldn't give him a penny, if he really genuine about the business let him go sought himself out elsewhere and when he(my neighbor) later sees the business growing he can then support.
But, later in the day I started feeling bad for advising a brother not to help his own brother when he's in need of help he can give due to my sentiment against gambling addiction.

what do you guys think about this?

I will feel the same way because what if it turn out that the business is real and his brother really need money you just made a grave error of breaking the bond between two brothers.

If I was asked the same question I will not advice over a sensitive matters that involves relationship between two relatives, I feel if there is someone who can give valuable advice is one of their relatives who are close to both, the relative will do an investigation if the business is real then he can advice to give or decline a loan.

When it comes to family matters its best to leave them to decide for themselves the best recourse or decision not coming from outsiders who has little knowldge about their relationship.

[Poker Player]

... so the advise I gave him was that he shouldn't give him a penny, if he really genuine about the business let him go sought himself out elsewhere and when he(my neighbor) later sees the business growing he can then support.
But, later in the day I started feeling bad for advising a brother not to help his own brother when he's in need of help he can give due to my sentiment against gambling addiction.

what do you guys think about this?

You have done well. A person who has that kind of problem, the only way out is to acknowledge that they have a problem, and that usually never happens before they've hit rock bottom. The bad thing is that you're going to be the bad guy in the story anyway. If the addict finds out what you said, he will throw it back in your face and if you told him otherwise, things would have gotten worse and the brother would have thrown it back in your face.

It's best to stay out of that kind of trouble if you can avoid it.

[Dailyscript]

Telling him to not give his brother any money again is a good advice. But instead of letting him go outside to struggle like that, i think these kinds of people need management. What he could do is he can set up a small business and keep his brother in charge. And the conditions would be anything he makes out of this business is what would determine his salary. You will notice that with time he is going to understand the importance of money and take the business serious. Knowing full well that if he did not make any sales or good sales at the end of the month then he is not going to receive any penny. Discipline is what he needs and if he cant get it b himself then he has to teach his brother how to be discipline by taking monetary actions that would control how he uses his funds.

[aioc]

I felt pity for him having a gambling addicted brother, so the advise I gave him was that he shouldn't give him a penny, if he really genuine about the business let him go sought himself out elsewhere and when he(my neighbor) later sees the business growing he can then support.
But, later in the day I started feeling bad for advising a brother not to help his own brother when he's in need of help he can give due to my sentiment against gambling addiction.

You just put yourself in trouble if, in the end, the brother asking for a loan finds out or the business is real and you become the culprit of their break out.
Its better next time not to interfere with family matters, Family is different; you are just a neighbor. Even if you are a close friend, you have to save yourself by letting him decide what is good between the two of them, we have to know our boundaries when it comes to family matters.

[Davidvictorson]

He couldn't hold the disturbance about how he feels according to him, so he had to share the entire story with me seeking for my advice because he doesn't know if his bro is genuine about his alleged business claims. I felt pity for him having a gambling addicted brother, so the advise I gave him was that he shouldn't give him a penny, if he really genuine about the business let him go sought himself out elsewhere and when he(my neighbor) later sees the business growing he can then support.
But, later in the day I started feeling bad for advising a brother not to help his own brother when he's in need of help he can give due to my sentiment against gambling addiction.

what do you guys think about this?

Your shoes I would give the same advice and it is the perfect advice to give. Ideally when it comes to business people want to give out money to an already existing business period that is a business that even though it's in its early stages can show that they have done something, a proven track record. Therefore the brother is an investor and that is what investors do.

[Don Pedro Dinero]

You just put yourself in trouble if, in the end, the brother asking for a loan finds out or the business is real and you become the culprit of their break out.
Its better next time not to interfere with family matters, Family is different; you are just a neighbor.

I think the same. I would not have found myself in that situation, and I would have tried to avoid it as much as possible. Although the answer the OP gave is the least bad one. I guess there is quite a familiar relationship even if they are ‘only’ neighbours. It's not like neighbours in many cities who don't even know the next door neighbour's name.

[Lida93]

Hello bitcointalk community.
I need your hints and thoughts on this because I honestly having a double feeling if what I gave out was the right advise to give or it's going to worsen matters more than it currently is.

it's actually about a neighbor whose younger sibling came visiting to spend two nights at his place, from what I was told by his elder bro who's financially well to do, his sibling specifically came over to request for financial support and before then he has been calling on phone to which he has been ditching the calls, he therefore had to come in person to visit, and has been all over him claiming he needs the money for some urgent business setup. According to him, he's avoiding his bro because most times he had supported him with money he has regularly squander it on gambling and as a result he has resolved on not giving him money again.

He couldn't hold the disturbance about how he feels according to him, so he had to share the entire story with me seeking for my advice because he doesn't know if his bro is genuine about his alleged business claims. I felt pity for him having a gambling addicted brother, so the advise I gave him was that he shouldn't give him a penny, if he really genuine about the business let him go sought himself out elsewhere and when he(my neighbor) later sees the business growing he can then support.
But, later in the day I started feeling bad for advising a brother not to help his own brother when he's in need of help he can give due to my sentiment against gambling addiction.

what do you guys think about this?
I planned on locking the thread after a few shared thoughts.

I think the best thing is for the brother who is well to do financial, is to collect the business proposal from his alleged gambling addicted brother and set it up by himself, maybe afterwards he can hand it over to the brother to either run it or hire people to help the brother run it.

You really think that's going to evolve out fine on the long run? We are talking about a practical gambling addict with proven similar actions, what then is the assurance that he won't run down the business when he gets to be in charge. It's very hard to trust gambling addicts with finances and hoping they don't misbehave.

... so the advise I gave him was that he shouldn't give him a penny, if he really genuine about the business let him go sought himself out elsewhere and when he(my neighbor) later sees the business growing he can then support.
But, later in the day I started feeling bad for advising a brother not to help his own brother when he's in need of help he can give due to my sentiment against gambling addiction.

what do you guys think about this?

You have done well. A person who has that kind of problem, the only way out is to acknowledge that they have a problem, and that usually never happens before they've hit rock bottom. The bad thing is that you're going to be the bad guy in the story anyway. If the addict finds out what you said, he will throw it back in your face and if you told him otherwise, things would have gotten worse and the brother would have thrown it back in your face.

It's best to stay out of that kind of trouble if you can avoid it.

Wish I had a way to avoid it at that instance in my own interest. Being the bad guy was what I was worried about after giving that advise but should things turn out to happen in a way that my neighbor is cool with then I think I don't have to worry about what his bro would think or feel about me, we ain't close and I don't know him except for his brother that's my neighbor.

[Solosanz]

You just put yourself in trouble if, in the end, the brother asking for a loan finds out or the business is real and you become the culprit of their break out.
Its better next time not to interfere with family matters, Family is different; you are just a neighbor. Even if you are a close friend, you have to save yourself by letting him decide what is good between the two of them, we have to know our boundaries when it comes to family matters.

That's true, but I read that @OP's neighbor had many experience where his brother didn't pay back the money to him, so even though @OP didn't give any advice, I think @OP's neighbor will choose to not give the money since he had bad experience.

According to him, he's avoiding his bro because most times he had supported him with money he has regularly squander it on gambling and as a result he has resolved on not giving him money again.

It's better to not fall in such situation, but there's always someone who want to share his personal problem to other people just to get support or he just want to express it to make him feel better.

[crwth]

I think he needs to be accountable for What the brother is doing to himself. Being addicted to gambling isn’t a good thing and he should know that if you continue to tolerate that behavior then it will never stop.

I think maybe you could do a condition where if he can stop himself from gambling then you would try to help him and oversee what he is doing with the money.

Letting him see a professional Would probably help him to stop it. Suggest that there should be a discussion with the family members about this problem.

[Nwada001]

But, later in the day I started feeling bad for advising a brother not to help his own brother when he's in need of help he can give due to my sentiment against gambling addiction.

what do you guys think about this?

What your friend did was come to you with a problem at hand and needed advice from you, which you gave him based on your honest belief, which I don't see anything to feel bad about here. 
 
If he is in for genuine business, he should try and hustle out the money and let him start it. If the business already exists, he can gain the trust of his family again, and only then can they be willing to help him push further. 

[traderethereum]

He can still helps his brother but not for gambling because that can makes his brother get deeper. Maybe he can asks his brother to go to rehabilitation center to cure his gambling addiction although that will not easy to do that.
If his brother wants to do some business, he must search for more details so he knows that his brother will use that money for the right thing. I know that is a hard situation because you suggest him not to gives money to his brother but you do the right thing if his brother only use the money for gambling.
He can suggest to his brother that he will join with his brother to manages the business so he will know how the business running. He can also watch his brother and slowly he can try to makes his brother focus with the business.

[danherbias07]

You did the right thing as a friend. Don't marinade on the details.

As a friend, it's always better to be honest with them even though it will hurt them. That's my motto in my life and I know many friends do hate me for doing that. But, I don't need to live with that, it's them who needs to live with whatever lie you will tell them if you try to be the good man and say "Give him more because he is your family.".
Should you be blamed for telling the truth? No. But if you tell a lie, do you really thing you can live with that and sleep sound? No, I don't think so. We are made to have conscience and that will bug you for many nights if you tell him what you don't agree with.

[Zoomic]

Family will always be family and it is not right that a family would turn their back on their helpless brother without properly investigating to know if he is telling the truth or not. Moreover, avoiding to give him money or any other thing of value will not make him stop gambling. If care is not taken, he might start stealing or selling off family's properties just to satisfy his addiction. First, they need to find out why he gambles the way he does and see a way to help him get out of it.

While they are at it, they just have to avoid giving him money directly. All his financial needs including business plans should pass through a third party who would ensure that the money is being used for the right reasons. Neglecting the addict will not change him, he would find other means to gamble.