Should a man who can do homely chores makes you feel less needy in marriage?

[IjawMan]

I did not know what board to place this topic and while I reasoned it to be society related I felt it will be right to make it here. Do not mind the long texts.

The topic is pertaining to women in particular the modern woman, let know your opinions and views about this topic. Would you like to marry a man that is homely and by homely am meaning a man that is good in kitchen duties. Can cook, does not see doing the dishes, cleaning the house and laundry a big deal. Or do will you apparently say NO to such man by having the feeling that if he can do all of these things for himself as a man then you may really not be seen relevant enough in the home since he can do all that house chores by himself.

This topic came in as a result of a true life event about a lady in our small community who rejected to marry a suitor cause she thinks he might not regard her that well, she would not get that validation efficiently in the home since her man can simply be doing those home duties she should basically be doing as a woman. It is strange to me with how I always hear women crave for men that can be supportive to them in house chores.

Can I get the views of women in the forum about this and what kind of man as a woman you will want to have for a partner. I know our environments and societies differs and same will go with our  perspective on this discourse.

[Samlucky O]

I did not know what board to place this topic and while I reasoned it to be society related I felt it will be right to make it here. Do not mind the long texts.

The topic is pertaining to women in particular the modern woman, let know your opinions and views about this topic. Would you like to marry a man that is homely and by homely am meaning a man that is good in kitchen duties. Can cook, does not see doing the dishes, cleaning the house and laundry a big deal. Or do will you apparently say NO to such man by having the feeling that if he can do all of these things for himself as a man then you may really not be seen relevant enough in the home since he can do all that house chores by himself.

If you are expecting only women to answer your question, you May get few or no  reply as men are more than women here. Well there is nothing wrong in marrying a man who is good at house chores, it could be as a result of his up growing, some men grew up in an environment where they do literally everything and it has become part of them, some are chef or cook and they are good at what they do, if as a woman you marry them it doesn't mean they will not value the things she does. It is just the woman who is feeling that the man may not value her since he can do everything by himself. The guys I know who do almost everything, when they get married their wife thought them to relax while they do it most of the time, the man can only do it when they are less busy or they do it to support the woman when she is weak and it makes the marriage even sweater because as a lady you don't have to worry much about  your husband if he will be hungry when you are not around, he will definitely fix himself and probably keep something for you too. All they need is understanding.

[Tmoonz]

I did not know what board to place this topic and while I reasoned it to be society related I felt it will be right to make it here. Do not mind the long texts.

The topic is pertaining to women in particular the modern woman, let know your opinions and views about this topic. Would you like to marry a man that is homely and by homely am meaning a man that is good in kitchen duties. Can cook, does not see doing the dishes, cleaning the house and laundry a big deal. Or do will you apparently say NO to such man by having the feeling that if he can do all of these things for himself as a man then you may really not be seen relevant enough in the home since he can do all that house chores by himself.

If you are expecting only women to answer your question, you May get few or no  reply as men are more than women here. Well there is nothing wrong in marrying a man who is good at house chores, it could be as a result of his up growing, some men grew up in an environment where they do literally everything and it has become part of them, some are chef or cook and they are good at what they do, if as a woman you marry them it doesn't mean they will not value the things she does. It is just the woman who is feeling that the man may not value her since he can do everything by himself. The guys I know who do almost everything, when they get married their wife thought them to relax while they do it most of the time, the man can only do it when they are less busy or they do it to support the woman when she is weak and it makes the marriage even sweater because as a lady you don't have to worry much about  your husband if he will be hungry when you are not around, he will definitely fix himself and probably keep something for you too. All they need is understanding.

The op should not make it sound like a woman's place is in the kitchen or house keeping, am not saying that a woman can not do all that at home but honestly people should stop overthinking it because things has really changed alot, it is completely wrong for a woman to think that her man will not value her that much simply because he can do house chores, such woman should grow up in having such mentality, a man who loves his wife may likely not want the wife to stress herself as another expression of love and it is not a crime for a man to do house chores, for me I believe in helping myself and those around me and that is love, men who grow up doing some basic house chores may likely not stop from doing them if they have the time to do it even when they are married and I don't see anything wrong in that.

[Merit.s]

Marriage is all about loving the person and understanding each other. It's not about house chores. If she doesn't want to marry her suitor because he loves doing house chores, that is her personal problem because what matters the most is if he loves her.

As long as you are not a full time housewife, I don't see anything wrong for your man to assist you with the house chores if he's willing to do it. I will prefer to see such a type of human who loves me and wouldn't allow me do any house chores because I'm lazy at that.

[Iamgoat]

The op should not make it sound like a woman's place is in the kitchen or house keeping, am not saying that a woman can not do all that at home but honestly people should stop overthinking it because things has really changed alot, it is completely wrong for a woman to think that her man will not value her that much simply because he can do house chores, such woman should grow up in having such mentality, a man who loves his wife may likely not want the wife to stress herself as another expression of love and it is not a crime for a man to do house chores, for me I believe in helping myself and those around me and that is love, men who grow up doing some basic house chores may likely not stop from doing them if they have the time to do it even when they are married and I don't see anything wrong in that.

Even our former president said women belong to the Kitchen and the other room according to his statement. Such statement is actually belittling of the role the women play in marriages but you can also run from the fact it is one of the core responsibilities of the women to lead the activities of kitchen and other related home chores. Does it mean it is only limited to women, no. This is where most people get it wrong. They think the job of their wives end in the kitchen and other house chores  but as a matter of fact women play a very vital role in the home. They support greatly in the coordination of the house, the coordination of the husband and the family as a whole. If you have a strong and hardworking woman, she also takes care of the basic needs of the house especially where the husband is incapacitated.

[GIF-JOBS]

But I think as a man, if a man is skilled in these things, then it is not bad but it will be better for that woman. It is actually more positive, I do not think that I will not give any importance to my wife because I am skilled in these things, I will definitely love my wife, rather I will be able to help my wife more in this kind of work and we will be able to finish all the housework together more quickly. I think it will be more beneficial for my wife, and in this kind of work, more love will grow between us, but some women can also think of this in the complete opposite way as you mentioned.

A man will never belittle his wife because of her such skill, rather it is just an advantage that the man can do all the work if necessary. For example, when my wife is sick, she is unable to work. If I am also completely ignorant about these things, then more pressure will be put on my wife, because then she will have to work despite her illness. So if I am skilled in such a situation, then I will be able to handle everything during my wife's illness and take better care of my wife by keeping her at full rest.

[passwordnow]

Each woman has their own preference on who to marry. If that woman in your community rejected that guy for some reasons, that's okay because she's the one to marry and not anyone from the community. For the qualities of man about doing house hold chores, it should be part of one's life skill but we're not grown up in the same house and community. So, for those guys who have lived with house helpers or their parents made it easy for them, they can be responsible for other things and usually a man is a provider so he should work.

[Findingnemo]

Would you like to marry a man that is homely and by homely am meaning a man that is good in kitchen duties. Can cook, does not see doing the dishes, cleaning the house and laundry a big deal.

They will be more than okay to accept such men, but their only demand will be he should be also have a 5 or 6 figure income range. They want the same men to buy them a Lambo and also the one who clean their dishes.

Jokes apart, modern marriages evolved a lot, with both partners sharing their household chores since both of them need to work for their survival, the household includes everything from kitchen duties, cleaning and doing the laundry, and they might separate them equally or take turns on days.

[Muba20]

This depends on the mentality of a woman. I think that a woman will prefer a man who will help her in everything, who will take care of her. Generally, it is seen that if a man does not want to do housework, then there will be some quarrels with them. But in this case, since the woman herself is showing interest in housework, then I think that the man who gets such a woman as his wife is really lucky.

In most of the time woman believes that men are busy with their work outside all day, at the end of the day, the house is a place of comfort and peace for her. So she creates an opportunity for her life partner to relieve fatigue without busying her with any housework. However, from my personal experience, I understand that the number of such women is definitely very small. Those who think that if men can do housework, they will not need women very much.

[Zlantann]

Can I get the views of women in the forum about this and what kind of man as a woman you will want to have for a partner. I know our environments and societies differs and same will go with our  perspective on this discourse.

It's funny that people hate what others are craving for. The rumour that a footballer named Kaka lost his marriage because his wife, Caroline Celico, said he was too perfect is another example. Most women want a man who can assist them with house chores. These days, most women combine work with house chores, which is usually stressful. So having a supportive husband will be a great plus for them. I also don't think that a man would divorce a woman because he could take care of domestic work. This is because men don't marry only because they want someone who can take care of the house. Domestic servants can handle these tasks. People marry because they love and want companionship.

[programmer3666]

Personally, I don’t think a man who can do house chores should make a woman feel less needed in marriage. In fact, it can make the relationship easier and more peaceful because both partners can support each other instead of leaving everything for one person. A good case will be when a wife is tired from work or not feeling well and the husband can cook, clean or help with the kids without turning it into a big issue. That kind of support usually strengthens a marriage instead of reducing anyone’s value. Marriage should be more about teamwork and understanding, not competition over who does what.

[Dunamisx]

Marriage is a balance in institution whereby everyone perform his own role for the continuity and development of the family or together, if the man is out there to hustle for what the family needs, then the woman should be able to take care of all that demand has gotten and prepare them and one of the way to do this is engaging in house chores so as to be prepared all the necessary things that I needed at home for the man to enjoy together with the family, is how I know is standard home should balance.

[Royal Cap]

Honestly It seems a little strange to me that someone would reject a person just because they know how to do housework. In my opinion, cooking or being able to do your own work is not a gender issue, it is a basic life skill. Though I am man and currently a university student, and that is why I have to stay at home as a bachelor, So I have learned almost all kinds of small housework on my own. From cooking to washing clothes or cleaning the house, these are very normal things for me now. Honestly speaking knowing these things makes me feel more independent, not small.

And maybe some people still haven't gotten out of the old mindset, where housework is seen as only a woman's responsibility but nowadays most people want a partner who will be understanding and stand by their side when needed. And to me personally, people who put aside their ego and also see housework as normal seem more mature.

[BIT-BENDER]

Marriage is a balance in institution whereby everyone perform his own role for the continuity and development of the family or together, if the man is out there to hustle for what the family needs, then the woman should be able to take care of all that demand has gotten and prepare them and one of the way to do this is engaging in house chores so as to be prepared all the necessary things that I needed at home for the man to enjoy together with the family, is how I know is standard home should balance.

Yes marriage is meant to be a balance union where both parties (or in cases of polygamy and polyandry)multiple parties are expected to contribute the best way they can to the union and family.
But even at that there are men who will feel less or intimated if the woman is making more money than them because they believe that the man should be the provider so is it for some women who love to do homely chores genuinely. In cases like this it's best the other party understand and try to work around it not making their partner feel less.

[Spaceman1000$]

I did not know what board to place this topic and while I reasoned it to be society related I felt it will be right to make it here. Do not mind the long texts.

The topic is pertaining to women in particular the modern woman, let know your opinions and views about this topic. Would you like to marry a man that is homely and by homely am meaning a man that is good in kitchen duties. Can cook, does not see doing the dishes, cleaning the house and laundry a big deal. Or do will you apparently say NO to such man by having the feeling that if he can do all of these things for himself as a man then you may really not be seen relevant enough in the home since he can do all that house chores by himself.

This topic came in as a result of a true life event about a lady in our small community who rejected to marry a suitor cause she thinks he might not regard her that well, she would not get that validation efficiently in the home since her man can simply be doing those home duties she should basically be doing as a woman. It is strange to me with how I always hear women crave for men that can be supportive to them in house chores.

Can I get the views of women in the forum about this and what kind of man as a woman you will want to have for a partner. I know our environments and societies differs and same will go with our  perspective on this discourse.

I feel it's all about perspectives, there are some women that idolize men that can cook, clean and arrange their homes, because ordinarily they feel it might be draining sometimes for their wife, so if some few women are complaining about their husband giving them a helping hand in arranging the house, while they are left doing nothing it means they are insecure to an extent, because I really don't see anything wrong in man helping his wife, it might not actually be on a daily basis but an occasional thing, where he helps out once once.

[Akbarkoe]

I did not know what board to place this topic and while I reasoned it to be society related I felt it will be right to make it here. Do not mind the long texts.

The topic is pertaining to women in particular the modern woman, let know your opinions and views about this topic. Would you like to marry a man that is homely and by homely am meaning a man that is good in kitchen duties. Can cook, does not see doing the dishes, cleaning the house and laundry a big deal. Or do will you apparently say NO to such man by having the feeling that if he can do all of these things for himself as a man then you may really not be seen relevant enough in the home since he can do all that house chores by himself.

This topic came in as a result of a true life event about a lady in our small community who rejected to marry a suitor cause she thinks he might not regard her that well, she would not get that validation efficiently in the home since her man can simply be doing those home duties she should basically be doing as a woman. It is strange to me with how I always hear women crave for men that can be supportive to them in house chores.

Can I get the views of women in the forum about this and what kind of man as a woman you will want to have for a partner. I know our environments and societies differs and same will go with our  perspective on this discourse.

I don't know what modern women think today where they need validation as a form of contribution claim, even though independent men are good, they can treat women like princesses at home, isn't that better than letting women take care of the house completely, in my opinion marriage is a form of cooperation, just discuss it with your partner to share tasks, I think if you are open and cooperative with each other the family will be much more comfortable and calm, a man who can take care of the house will be very useful if his wife is pregnant, he can help cook and clean the house and his wife can focus on taking care of her pregnancy.

[uneng]

Can I get the views of women in the forum about this and what kind of man as a woman you will want to have for a partner. I know our environments and societies differs and same will go with our  perspective on this discourse.

It's funny that people hate what others are craving for. The rumour that a footballer named Kaka lost his marriage because his wife, Caroline Celico, said he was too perfect is another example. Most women want a man who can assist them with house chores. These days, most women combine work with house chores, which is usually stressful. So having a supportive husband will be a great plus for them. I also don't think that a man would divorce a woman because he could take care of domestic work. This is because men don't marry only because they want someone who can take care of the house. Domestic servants can handle these tasks. People marry because they love and want companionship.

In the case you mentioned, it was said the woman divorced from Kaka because she concluded he was "too perfect". And for some reason, that didn't make her feel satisfied about having him as husband.

What I see is that many women demand lots of characteristics from men in order to engage in a romantic relationship, but once they find a man who has those characteristics, women lose interest, arguing some minor issues which shouldn't be an issue at all, considering all the pros at same time.

Therefore, women are too volatile on their personality. What makes a woman satisfied today, will mean nothing tomorrow. Moreover, women feed themselves from the chaos. The more chaotic the relationship is and the more insecure a man makes her feel, more emotionally attached she will feel to him. And in case you have had the opportunity to fall in love with a woman who isn't like that, you should consider yourself to be lucky and blessed!

[Agbamoni]

OP, hope men are now allowed to reply to this thread or I'll change my gender immediately 
Women to me provide a lot more than just doing the house chores. So that feeling that a man who can do those things deserves to stay alone is wrong. Many women love men who can help out with house chores, though not regularly, but once in a while. Women find it romantic, but some women are so cultured that they are not attracted to men who do these things.

[DYOR+BTC]

OP, hope men are now allowed to reply to this thread or I'll change my gender immediately 
Women to me provide a lot more than just doing the house chores. So that feeling that a man who can do those things deserves to stay alone is wrong. Many women love men who can help out with house chores, though not regularly, but once in a while. Women find it romantic, but some women are so cultured that they are not attracted to men who do these things.

No matter how good a man is in doing house chores,  he can never give himself the comfort he can get while staying with a woman.  There is special quality possessed by a calm and responsible woman, which is the ability to make a man forget his problems. To me I think the easiest way to do away with stress is by having a good woman by one side. Not that with a good woman all the problems of life will be solved but that good companion alone  will make one feel relaxed and may possibly find the solution to that problem on the process.

[BADecker]

No marriage is perfect.

1. If you are not married, go together without sex for one year.

2. If you are not married but living together, you are essentially married. If you don't make it formal, document it between the two of you with witnesses to say that you are living in the state of common law marriage.

3. Constantly communicate. Willingly give and take. This will take care of daily chores, peacefully.

4. If this is difficult, it's the best we have.

5. Communicate with the help of a counselor or two.

6. Generally, separation makes for dissolution. If necessary, do it with a formal agreement, and a counselor involved.

Sometimes it is easy; sometimes it's not.


I'm 96... What I'm About to Say About Marriage Will Make You Uncomfortable


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gk-_MQ7jLm4
I'm 96 years old.

I was married for 64 years.

And here's the truth nobody wants to hear:

You probably married the wrong person.

Before you get angry — listen.

By year three of my marriage, I thought I'd made a mistake.
We argued.
We annoyed each other.
We misunderstood each other constantly.

I thought marriage was supposed to feel easier than this.

Then an older woman told me something that changed my life:

"We all marry the wrong person. The trick is deciding to make them the right person anyway."

That sentence carried me through 64 years.

The man I married at 24
was not the man I buried at 88.

And I was not the same woman either.

Marriage isn't about finding someone perfect.
It's about choosing someone imperfect.
Over and over.
Especially when it's hard.

You will both change.
You will both disappoint each other.
There will be years you don't even like each other.

The question isn't: "Did I marry the right person?"

The question is:
"Am I willing to keep choosing this person?"

Love isn't a feeling.

It's a decision you make daily.

And I'd choose him again.

— Eleanor
...