Decentralized Families

[Bd officer]

For now, I'd like to read the thoughts of others.

Not everyone likes such long distance relationships. Personally, I don't like it myself, I have been married for almost 3 years but I have not slept a single night without my wife till now, this may come as a surprise but it is true.

As you said, many people in our country live abroad to earn income, like your story, they come back to the country after 1 or 2 or 3 years and spend time with their families. But most of the divorces happen in such couples. Marriage means being by each other's side in happiness and sorrow, but not all wives will like it when a wife spends years without her husband. Especially in our country, many girls do not want to marry expatriate boys.

[BALIK]

Distance relationship are a turn-off. Huge red flag for me. For others, it could be possible.

Men prefer sex, skin-to-skin affection, facial communication, and going out on a date. I don't know how women view distance realtionship but for men, it is difficult to remain faithful to the relationship without humping one or more women in the process

The issue isn't whether you like it or not. Sex is basic human need, women also enjoy and need sex.

When its truly love, people usually want to be close, skin to skin affection, facial communication and going out on a date. It is not just men, women want those thing too, because thats what love is about.

If someone prefer being in distance relationship and want to keep it that way, and it's not because of temporary thing like work or money. Honestly, I think there's something wrong with that.

[Whiteronin]

Thank you for comments and criticism, but I still believe that the "psychological factors" which favor non-distant relationships are not fundamental. Anyway, the happiness of relationships fully depend only on the advantages of these relationships for raising children.
Here I would like to speculate how the distant relationships could work. Things like video calls or voice messages are important, but mostly because the voice and facial expression of a person give information about his psychological state. More important thing is switching from paired communication to multi-user communication.
If you write to your friend through a messenger, the most hard thing is writing texts. And if you create a chat where 6 friends talk, the situation is different: each person writes a message which will be read by 5 persons, so this is 5 times simpler for him, than talking with each friend individually. So this way of communication can be theoretically even more convenient, than offline communication. But this way of communication needs good moderation, prohibition on any flood and messages which are not interesting for most members of the chat.

[Royal Cap]

I don't think that a long distance marriage can be comfortably run by just communicating regularly on messenger. Communication is certainly important but it can be difficult if you don't have a plan to be there emotionally and live in the same place in the future. And meeting every two years to basically try to conceive also seems a bit of an unusual plan to me. Marriage is not just about having children, the relationship between two people, spending time together and being present in each other's daily lives are also important. I would say it's more important to make sure these things are working properly before having children, because just having a child is not the end of the story, taking responsibility for it is an even bigger task.

[Sticky Bomb]

Is this some sort of fiction? This only exists in the novels, movies it AI short dramas. Instant messaging cannot satisfy the emotional desires of a couple. Intimacy isn't about sex alone. It lies in hugs, kisses, doing stuffs together or simply talking a bunch of rubbish together and laughing out loud while cuddled up. Some people might be able to cope with the distance while others can't.
When my girlfriend is around, she literally makes me stay in the kitchen while she's preparing lunch or dinner so she'll be telling me stories that makes no real sense, but it makes her very happy and I oblige. When she's away we quarrel a lot, but when we're together, we rarely have much issues, so I guessed the distance was affecting her.

Raising children involves a lot, you describe it like some sort of contract, it doesn't work that way. The children need both parents present in order to have a balanced upbringing, one parent rarely does it very well, there's this emotional gap in children when both parents (or at least those who filled up the gap) were not deeply involved in the upbringing of a child.

There's nothing like decentralized families, that shit rarely works out well.

[AVE5]

Forgive me Op but you're so funny.
Why don't you suggest for the husband to make provision for this wife or family to go live with him there? 
Why don't you discussion about how long the wife will continue staying such distance from her husband like that? I've witnessed a lot tired and files for divorce.
I guess you don't want to make me or us believe that doing just these you've illustrated can solve a problem where families live distance like that?
Well if you want to have a happy family in the case of husband living abroad as a result of nature his job, the only remedy is for the man to marry someone he trusts and is understandable.
 Daddy's will always come home of time permits. 

[Jegileman]

Two years distance relationship and meet only once in every two years? I’m telling you that the relationship will not work and both sides will definitely cheat. A man needs sex from time to time, so is the woman if they have a taste of it before and are active. Unless both partners will have another sex partner in their place of stay, I don’t think that this will mean well for both parties. You can be keeping in touch very frequently, but nothing can suffix that sexual intimacy which is very important in marriage and can also bring about closeness in the marriage.

[Whiteronin]

Why don't you suggest for the husband to make provision for this wife or family to go live with him there? 

The distant relationships have disadvantages, but they can also have important advantages. For example, the husband can live in a country with high salaries, while the wife can live in a country where the life is cheap. Or vice versa - the wife can live in a country where the life is most comfortable for children (good education, medicine, safety and so on).

[o48o]

If you want to get someone pregnant and leave them for another to get them pregnant and continue, that's not decentralized anything. That's just you being irresponsible.

If I am not mistaken, Elon Musk pays women 25 million dollars each for getting pregnant from him, and raising the child as a lonely mother.
And I am fully sure, that this is much more efficient way of becoming happy for a man, than the so-called "finding other half", "happy marriage" and so on. This is encoded in our genes.

So you pick an example where you need to pay astronomical amounts of money in order for someone to agree to make an offspring with you? I am baffled why people idolize men that can only get partners by paying. Only thing your kids would get from this deal is what? $25 million? What they actually will get is emotional neglect because of your absence, which in a worst case leads to psychological problems later on. And after that your kids end up loathing you anyway. Kids need to rely on you, not extra money. And why isn't your family joining you by the way?

And why do you assume that Elon is happy? He constantly sounds miserable, to the point that he seems to be scared of therapy. He also has openly admitted that he is rarely happy.

Also i am relationship anarchist, so i don't think there needs to be "another half", but that there can be multiple partners. Trick is that you need to responsible and able to organize attention and time for everyone in your life you want to have relationship with. But my priority has always been the time with my children, after that comes adult relationships.

Anyway, good luck with that.

[Whiteronin]

Also i am relationship anarchist, so i don't think there needs to be "another half", but that there can be multiple partners.

Well, I am a propagandist of polygamy too - I want to have several wifes,  and try to solve this task. Speaking of polygamy (maybe the correct word is polyginy?), it can also solve some problems of distant relationships: if the husband needs regular sex, one wife is sufficient for this, while other wifes can live in other countries. Possibly it will be necessary in such relationships to perform the  exchange of roles between the wifes from time to time.

[HelliumZ]

No one can guarantee that a long-distance relationship, especially one that is made through chatting on a mobile app or through imo or WhatsApp, will last.
And we men generally do not like such relationships because we usually feel more comfortable having sex with our wives while being close to them. A relationship does not last by chatting on the phone, but rather ends in separation after a few days.
And those who have online relationships are basically addicted to multiple extramarital affairs offline, so I generally will not support long-distance relationships in any way.

[Nanga Parbat]

Not everyone likes such long distance relationships. Personally, I don't like it myself, I have been married for almost 3 years but I have not slept a single night without my wife till now, this may come as a surprise but it is true.

As you said, many people in our country live abroad to earn income, like your story, they come back to the country after 1 or 2 or 3 years and spend time with their families. But most of the divorces happen in such couples. Marriage means being by each other's side in happiness and sorrow, but not all wives will like it when a wife spends years without her husband. Especially in our country, many girls do not want to marry expatriate boys.

You are right, I don't know why those marriages are arranged where partners cannot live their life together. Here in my area parents feel happy to make marriage agreement of their daughter with tge groom who lives abroad. Even they know all matters before marriage, they still arranged such type of marriages.

I never advocate such relationships, because both patners suffer mentally and emotionally both. And after few years of loneliness both try to tempted  making extra emotional and marital affairs.Long distance create only fake respect, love and even sincerity. Because they both know that they are meeting with each other only for few days.

Life feel beautiful when both of they spend every moment together, it creates strong bonding or both feel emotionally and mentally powerful and relaxed. Responsibilities can be shared among them, only relying the income of husband can create burden on him. So finance should be divided among spouses or kids, it provides healthy atmosphere or reduce the pressure

[Taricoins]

Why i am getting a vibe that you are being catfished online and now you are creating some sort of narrative of how you think relationships work, even though it doesn't sound like you have been in one. Because this isn't something people normally think of when they talk about relationships or families.

Lol, this is exactly what I thought when I first saw the post, because it's weird, and it's not possible to have constant messaging especially if the couple are in a very different timezones that might probably be 12 hours apart, how would they cope with that? Even as a man, how can you protect your family when u are far away ?

Another painful thing is raising kids who think there father is AI, they don't get to see him until a one night stand.

[uneng]

This is weird, ridiculous and sickly. If a couple doesn't have any intention of living together and sharing a life at some moment, there is no point in having a relationship at all. It's understandable they may get separated for a while due to work or any other tasks, appointments and duties, but as a lifestyle it's a complete nonsense.

Actually, it's the kind of excuse people use nowadays when they don't want to be with each other, at same time they live in a comfort zone where they don't want to take any decision to cause a drastic change, that is, a final rupture.

[Jostern]

How does this sound Op, does this statement make any sense to you, distance marriage doesn’t make any sense, it’s absolutely a shame to hear about such a thing, personally I can’t engage in such a thing, it now seems like the man is only a machine to get the woman pregnant, men are people who likes sex, you don’t expect a man to pay for a woman’s right and get married to that woman and you expect the man to stay away from the woman, only when the woman is on ovulation they meet to make baby, I doubt any man is going to buy this horrible idea, marriage is meant to be enjoyed, you live with your wife and Children, your idea is very ridiculous, couples are meant to live together and share the love together and enjoy themselves together, so this idea is a shitty idea, there is a difference between people who traveled to a different country for a greener pasture.

You also need to take care of your kids, and your kids needs to know their father at a very young age, how do you bring up your children when you’re far away from your family, kids needs love and presence of their Father.

[Emjay24]

For now, I'd like to read the thoughts of others.

Not everyone likes such long distance relationships. Personally, I don't like it myself, I have been married for almost 3 years but I have not slept a single night without my wife till now, this may come as a surprise but it is true.

As you said, many people in our country live abroad to earn income, like your story, they come back to the country after 1 or 2 or 3 years and spend time with their families. But most of the divorces happen in such couples. Marriage means being by each other's side in happiness and sorrow, but not all wives will like it when a wife spends years without her husband. Especially in our country, many girls do not want to marry expatriate boys.

My wife would never agree to such an arrangement. It was one of the requests she made to me before we got married. Distance affects her negatively, she's a very clingy type and always wants me around. Such decentralized setup is an easy invitation to infidelity in marriages. It isn't easy to stay years without getting your emotional and sexual needs fulfilled by your partner. Toys might help, but not for long. Distance limits companionship and intimacy. I've not seen couples achieve high level of intimacy and emotional fulfillment with such decentralized marriage pattern. Just being around provides some level of security to your partner, distance keeps them vulnerable.

[BADecker]

True decentralized families are the ones where both parents have to work just to make ends meet. The children are left to TeeVee and Internet to run their lives.

[As-Soon-As]

or he flies to hers, for unprotected sex during the woman's ovulation period, so that she has the highest chance of becoming pregnant. Once pregnant, the wife returns to her home country to give birth and raise their child. If she doesn't get pregnant, artificial insemination could be used.

I haven't seen it the way you mentioned, but I have seen people go from their own homeland to work in other countries, called expatriates. Expatriates leave their wives behind in the country, and after a long time come back and start a family again. But here they travel long distances to find employment to earn a living, and many people's wives work as expatriates.

The question is whether it will be possible to ensure that their communication via instant messaging apps is comfortable enough. If a husband needs regular sex, they could theoretically try some kind of virtual sex,

See, if there is no place for sexual intercourse, it is not possible to get it completely according to desire, because the husband and wife are aroused by the need for sexual intercourse in one place, and they spend a lot of time to fulfill each other's needs. It is not possible to fulfill this sexual intercourse need by following the method, because only the husband can make his wife happy completely independently. It is impossible to fulfill the need for sexual intercourse through any device or app in that place.

[Samlucky O]

This thread is completely useless to me because I don't know what to learn here, I think this thread is created by a teenager who is involved in an online long distance relationship. Well if that is what you are doing or about to do then I Will tell you that it makes no sense at all, you will end up becoming a masturbator or you I'll end up having different types of sex toy to calm your nerves after having online conversation with her. Long distance relationship is not good for a married man, do you think that sex is only for reproduction? Don't you know that couple who are more close become more connected to each other by having regular sex and having steady conversation. The truth of the matter is that if you wan to have a solid and trusted relationship, then you have to be close to your partner to know her movement and to see if she is connected to you or not. If you are very far from your partner, there is a higher chance that she is seeing another person closer to her and lying to you online. Who knows if the children you claim to be having with her every 1 to 2 years may even be for another man.

[Ab de villiers]

Not everyone likes such long distance relationships. Personally, I don't like it myself, I have been married for almost 3 years but I have not slept a single night without my wife till now, this may come as a surprise but it is true.

As you said, many people in our country live abroad to earn income, like your story, they come back to the country after 1 or 2 or 3 years and spend time with their families. But most of the divorces happen in such couples. Marriage means being by each other's side in happiness and sorrow, but not all wives will like it when a wife spends years without her husband. Especially in our country, many girls do not want to marry expatriate boys.

Your point is also correct in its place but I think that not every person way of thinking and managing relationships is the same. For some, long distance is difficult while for others this distance becomes a test of trust, understanding and patience. Many people have to go to other cities or countries for the better future of their families for the best education for their children and for household expenses. For them, distance is not a hobby but a compulsion and responsibility. Many people work sincerely and loyally with the people they are connected to even when they are away from their homes.
But after that, saying that every long distance relationship generally fails is not correct. The real problem is not the distance but the strength and trust in their relationship. If husband and wife share everything with each other and understand each other and have trust and understand each other in difficult times, then even distance cannot make a difference in the relationship.