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Author Topic: The joke thread.  (Read 2049 times)
TooQik
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November 04, 2016, 07:48:58 AM
 #21

There are three types of people in this world, those who can count and those who can't.
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sgk
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November 09, 2016, 04:37:20 PM
 #22

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.
He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, make sure your friend is actually dead."
There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

Left brain is a bitch
ice18
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November 10, 2016, 07:09:54 AM
 #23

 Grin A young man saw a small house in a forest with an old man living there. The young man asked if he could stay for the night. “Certainly,” the old man said, “but dishonor my daughter and I will torture you.” The young man agreed. The daughter came down for dinner. She was beautiful.

During the night the young man snuck into her room. After the deed, he crept back to his room. He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, “Torture 1: Large rock on chest.” He thought, “I don’t have much to worry about.” He picked the boulder up and threw the it out the window. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read “Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle.” figuring that a few broken bones were better than getting castrated, he jumped out of the window after the rock As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, “Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost.”

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Sweeet
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November 10, 2016, 07:11:50 AM
 #24

2016 Presidential Election

Mama got on some fly shit so I split and said imma be that seed that doesn't need much to succeed strapped with greed and a heart that doesn't bleed. Im only 19 now but my mind is older and when shit gets for real my warm heart turns colder. I had a scheme to stack more cream than you ever seen in a dream, but we got stickup kids, corrupt cops, and crack rocks, and stray shots all on the block where it stays hot and when it rains it pours they got money for wars but can't feed the poor. Going fast I knew it wouldn't last so I prepared my ass for jail, they put me in a situation forced me to be a man, when I was just learning to stand without a helping hand. We weren't meant to survive, because its a set up. Even if your fed up, you got to keep your head up.
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November 11, 2016, 11:56:15 AM
 #25

Wife Swapping

The two guys, Jack and Bill, have decided to try to persuade their wives to have a bit of partner swapping for the night.

The guys have agreed that if they can pull off the wife swap, when they sit around the breakfast table the following morning, they will tap their teaspoon on the side of their coffee mug the number of times that they did it with each other's wives. Clever enough!

After several drinks that night they succeed! Jack knows it's that time of the month for his wife and the thought of Bill not knowing this makes him smile.

The next morning they are all at the breakfast table, slightly hangover and quite uncomfortable, when Jack proudly taps his teaspoon 3 times against his coffee mug.

After a brief moment of thinking, Bill takes his teaspoon and taps it once on the strawberry jam and 3 times on the peanut butter.

Left brain is a bitch
Gleb Gamow
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November 12, 2016, 12:46:49 AM
 #26

There are three types of people in this world, those who can count and those who can't.

There are two types of people in this world, those who can spell and those who cunt.

Sweeet
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November 12, 2016, 01:01:09 AM
 #27

There are three types of people in this world, those who can count and those who can't.

There are two types of people in this world, those who can spell and those who cunt.
There are two types of people in this world, those who can make jokes and those who cant.

Mama got on some fly shit so I split and said imma be that seed that doesn't need much to succeed strapped with greed and a heart that doesn't bleed. Im only 19 now but my mind is older and when shit gets for real my warm heart turns colder. I had a scheme to stack more cream than you ever seen in a dream, but we got stickup kids, corrupt cops, and crack rocks, and stray shots all on the block where it stays hot and when it rains it pours they got money for wars but can't feed the poor. Going fast I knew it wouldn't last so I prepared my ass for jail, they put me in a situation forced me to be a man, when I was just learning to stand without a helping hand. We weren't meant to survive, because its a set up. Even if your fed up, you got to keep your head up.
Bakerxab
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November 12, 2016, 09:17:41 PM
 #28

Q : How many harry potters does it take to change a light bulb ?

A : One, Because the whole world revolves around him.

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November 12, 2016, 09:48:09 PM
 #29

Q:  How many black people does it take to change a light bulb?

A:  How can you count?  It's dark.

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