1 BTC for best story "beamed naked to..." [payed out]

[molecular]

I'm in a strange mood today and I offer a prize of 1 BTC for the most entertaining story.

The story should start like this (replace <insert destination> with some place of your choosing):

Last week the bitcoin fairy appeared above my bed and said in a voice that sounded slightly annoyed: "I cannot give you three wishes because I'm not a traditional fairy, I'm the bitcoin fairy. It's quite unfair, I think: the other bitches get to grant 3 wishes and all I can do is beam you naked to a destination of your choosing with 1000 bitcoins salvaged from lost keys in your brainwallet for the duration of one week, at which point you'll be beamed back to your bed. So please tell me you know what bitcoins are and that are willing to go and where you wish to be transported."

Just when I was going to answer: "wow, this is cool, I'll go to <insert destination>", I saw a sequence from a star trek movie: the part where enterprise goes to warp drive. Just when I realized shit was probably real it stopped and I saw above my head in huge letters which seemed to be made of starlight: 'key: sha256("thebitcoinfairyrulez")'. After that faded away I came to realize people where looking at me and covering their childrens eyes. It seemed as though I was indeed in <insert destination>.

<Please continue the story here/>

[1714049007]

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[the joint]

Molecular,

When does this offer end?

[Phinnaeus Gage]

Last week the bitcoin fairy appeared above my bed and said in a voice that sounded slightly annoyed: "I cannot give you three wishes because I'm not a traditional fairy, I'm the bitcoin fairy. It's quite unfair, I think: the other bitches get to grant 3 wishes and all I can do is beam you naked to a destination of your choosing with 1000 bitcoins salvaged from lost keys in your brainwallet for the duration of one week, at which point you'll be beamed back to your bed. So please tell me you know what bitcoins are and that are willing to go and where you wish to be transported."

Just when I was going to answer: "wow, this is cool, I'll go to Baby Dick World", I saw a sequence from a star trek movie: the part where enterprise goes to warp drive. Just when I realized shit was probably real it stopped and I saw above my head in huge letters which seemed to be made of starlight: 'key: sha256("thebitcoinfairyrulez")'. After that faded away I came to realize people where looking at me and covering their childrens eyes. It seemed as though I was indeed in Baby Dick World.

If I win, I'm going to buy me an ice cream cone with dark chocolate and a bunch of tiny nuts on it with a cherry on top. That's how I roll!

~Bruno~

[the joint]

Last week the bitcoin fairy appeared above my bed and said in a voice that sounded slightly annoyed: "I cannot give you three wishes because I'm not a traditional fairy, I'm the bitcoin fairy. It's quite unfair, I think: the other bitches get to grant 3 wishes and all I can do is beam you naked to a destination of your choosing with 1000 bitcoins salvaged from lost keys in your brainwallet for the duration of one week, at which point you'll be beamed back to your bed. So please tell me you know what bitcoins are and that are willing to go and where you wish to be transported."

Just when I was going to answer: "wow, this is cool, I'll go to <Pattaya with Bruce Wagner>", I saw a sequence from a star trek movie: the part where enterprise goes to warp drive. Just when I realized shit was probably real it stopped and I saw above my head in huge letters which seemed to be made of starlight: 'key: sha256("thebitcoinfairyrulez")'. After that faded away I came to realize people where looking at me and covering their childrens eyes. It seemed as though I was indeed in <Pattaya with Bruce Wagner>.

[Phinnaeus Gage]

Looks like baby dicks is the phrase of the week on this forum. Pattaya is so 2011.

[molecular]

Molecular,

When does this offer end?

Not before someone actually writes something. Maybe in about a week or so.

[Phinnaeus Gage]

Molecular,

When does this offer end?

Not before someone actually writes something. Maybe in about a week or so.

I think the joint and I are seeking a better understanding of the rules. Us, and others, are thinking that all is needed is to insert a word or phrase into your text. But I believe that may not be the case. We need to write a prose, using yours as an example.

Am I correct?

~Bruno~

[molecular]

Molecular,

When does this offer end?

Not before someone actually writes something. Maybe in about a week or so.

I think the joint and I are seeking a better understanding of the rules. Us, and others, are thinking that all is needed is to insert a word or phrase into your text. But I believe that may not be the case. We need to write a prose, using yours as an example.

Am I correct?

~Bruno~

Almost. I should've been more clear: You need to write a prose, using my text as the beginning and then extend it. I was aiming at getting some entertaining story on how one would go about acquiring food and fun using only bitcoin (that's why the guy is naked, not because I was aiming for porn).

[molecular]

  ok, if no real story (one that actually continues to tell some story) rolls in, the coin will be split evenly amongst the previous submitters.

[rini17]

Last week the bitcoin fairy appeared above my bed and said in a voice that sounded slightly annoyed: "I cannot give you three wishes because I'm not a traditional fairy, I'm the bitcoin fairy. It's quite unfair, I think: the other bitches get to grant 3 wishes and all I can do is beam you naked to a destination of your choosing with 1000 bitcoins salvaged from lost keys in your brainwallet for the duration of one week, at which point you'll be beamed back to your bed. So please tell me you know what bitcoins are and that are willing to go and where you wish to be transported."

Just when I was going to answer: "wow, this is cool, I'll go to europe", I saw a sequence from a star trek movie: the part where enterprise goes to warp drive. Just when I realized shit was probably real it stopped and I saw above my head in huge letters which seemed to be made of starlight: 'key: sha256("thebitcoinfairyrulez")'. After that faded away I came to realize people where looking at me and covering their childrens eyes. It seemed as though I was indeed in europe.

But still, I could not see around any european famous landmarks, like Eiffel tower that came on my mind. I sweared that I should have thought of some specific place earlier and started to wrap my mind around the fact I am naked and in some unknown city. People around were saying something, and I could not understand them at all. Across the street was some clothing store, I ran inside, grabbed some shorts, put them on and ran away, to obvious bemusement of bystanders. There was a park nearby, I ran into and hide in the bushes.

After overcoming the short breath and just starting calm assessment of whole situation, I felt a touch on my back. Turned around and screamed. It was a girl, and she got freaked out too. But after a second she composed herself and placed index finger over her lips in silence gesture. Then she gave me mixed drunk/dirty look and started to approach in general direction of my pants. By now I was too much out of my mind and just watched in horror..

Sorry, it looks like is turning to slash and I got bored anyway... feel free to continue

[Rathian]

Last week the bitcoin fairy appeared above my bed and said in a voice that sounded slightly annoyed: "I cannot give you three wishes because I'm not a traditional fairy, I'm the bitcoin fairy. It's quite unfair, I think: the other bitches get to grant 3 wishes and all I can do is beam you naked to a destination of your choosing with 1000 bitcoins salvaged from lost keys in your brainwallet for the duration of one week, at which point you'll be beamed back to your bed. So please tell me you know what bitcoins are and that are willing to go and where you wish to be transported."

Just when I was going to answer: "wow, this is cool, I'll go to some village in India", I saw a sequence from a star trek movie: the part where enterprise goes to warp drive. Just when I realized shit was probably real it stopped and I saw above my head in huge letters which seemed to be made of starlight: 'key: sha256("thebitcoinfairyrulez")'. After that faded away I came to realize people where looking at me and covering their childrens eyes. It seemed as though I was indeed in a terribly poor looking village, that I assumed was in India.

I stood there completely confused and utterly dumbfounded for who knows how long. At first I didn't think any of it was real. Then I heard a loud squeal behind me, it sounded like someone stabbing a pig. I nearly fell to the ground I turned so fast. Instead of being greeted by a pig massacre I was instead greeted by the finger of a young child pointing accusingly at me. Suddenly the doors of the few huts opened and out poured a dozen men and women. They didn't seem threatening but they did seem very interested in me and I tried to cover myself with my hands, but I failed miserably.

The first problem I found out was not that I was about to be arrested for being naked, but that I couldn't understand anything anyone said. Still It didn't take a rocket scientist to realize what to do with the ragged pair of shorts one of the older women handed me. I had a sinking feeling that they were very interested in how I had got there. Eventually I ended up sleeping in a small hut with three other men, two who were only just boys. The villagers were really quite nice once they decided that I didn't mean any harm, and probably not very threatening showing up naked.

The next morning I woke up and was fed breakfast...a small bowl of a scant amount of rice. It was so little I felt embarrassed eating it, but I couldn't insult them by refusing. So instead I ate as little as I could and snuck most of it to a little boy who was sitting beside me.

The rest of the morning I spent being an attraction to all the children. I didn't really mind their chatter but it was exhausting having them climb all over me. That was when a old pickup pulled up into the village.

The driver was a young man but more importantly his passenger spoke English. I didn't really know what to say, anything about bitcoins or fairys would sound crazy. So I just lied and told him that I had no memory of getting there or anything that happened, but I did remember who I was and if it was possible if I could get a computer to contact my family.

So that was how I ended up in the only town for miles with a bank. The trucks passenger had the villages bank account and I had told him I could get them some money if they would take care of me while I tried to figure out what I was going to do. So with the old laptop I setup a ewallet from blockchain and looked up fastcash4coins and had a wire setup for all 1000 coins.

We stayed the night in some old man's house who seemed friendly enough, until he smiled. I just kept quiet and observed everything the best I could. The next morning was spent looking in the market apparently we were there to buy what food we could because the villages crops had all failed and there was hardly any food anywhere. The market had what seemed to me enough food for a lot of people but no one had any money to buy it.

With a pitiful bag of rice in the bed of the truck we stopped back at the bank. The wire had indeed gone through and the man was looking at me like I was crazy. He wanted to know if he could indeed spend the money. I told him as long as they took care of me the money was theirs. It was with high spirits we filled the back of the truck with all kinds of food and drove back to the village.

It was a really good party that night, and the next night too. Everyone seemed so excited and they seemed to be planning all kinds of things. New huts, new crops, cloth for the women to work with, and all kinds of things I'm sure I missed. By the end of the week the population of the village had doubled as all the villagers seemed to call in family members to help them do work. It was quite amazing to me to see it all unfold.

Suddenly I had a strange feeling, and I looked up. There was the bitcoin fairy. She was smiling and nodded to me. I got up and said my goodbyes to all the villagers and told them I would be leaving in the morning for home. When I woke up the next morning I was indeed in my own bed again. I got up wondering what week it was, that couldn't of been real could it!?

[John (John K.)]

...

Okay, that was one great story. 

[molecular]

thanks guys, awesome stories!

If nothing else rolls in, I'll decide sunday who gets the well-deserved coin.

[micheline]

Last week the bitcoin fairy appeared above my bed and said in a voice that sounded slightly annoyed: "I cannot give you three wishes because I'm not a traditional fairy, I'm the bitcoin fairy. It's quite unfair, I think: the other bitches get to grant 3 wishes and all I can do is beam you naked to a destination of your choosing with 1000 bitcoins salvaged from lost keys in your brainwallet for the duration of one week, at which point you'll be beamed back to your bed. So please tell me you know what bitcoins are and that are willing to go and where you wish to be transported."

Just when I was going to answer: "wow, this is cool, I'll go to the Atacama Desert", I saw a sequence from a star trek movie: the part where enterprise goes to warp drive. Just when I realized shit was probably real it stopped and I saw above my head in huge letters which seemed to be made of starlight: 'key: sha256("thebitcoinfairyrulez")'. After that faded away I came to realize people where looking at me and covering their childrens eyes. It seemed as though I was indeed in the Atacama Desert.

What I thought at first being people with children was in fact a herd of guanacos miles away seen through a Fata Morgana. A hot glaring sun burned on my skin and I found myself lying in the midst of a gigantic dried up salt lake. The horizon seemed endlessly far away, covered by a nervously wafting layer of hot air with occasionally appearing silhouettes of four- and two-legged animals. Only when I squinted my eyes a bit I could spot some heights in the distance.

"Maybe guanacos are llamas, too...", I silently thought to myself as I stood up. Unsure of what to do and where to go I stood there maybe half an hour randomly turning in all directions, staring at the horizon. It all looked the same. Eventually, some weird logic took over my sun-burned head. ">Satoshi< starts with a >S<, so let's go South!" Convinced of that being the right decision I wondered which direction >South< would be... finally I ended up walking in opposite direction of the sun, proclaiming to myself that it would be South.

I walked an hour. And another one. And another one. The scenery around me seemed to be fixed with the only evidence that I actually moved being my own walking trail in the salty crust behind me. I was very thirsty and my head felt like an overclocked GPU after three months of nonstop Bitcoin mining. But I kept on walking.

Quite suddenly it was evening. And without warning the night came. It was cold, a freezing cold. I was exhausted, dehydrated, sleepy. But I knew that sleeping at freezing temperature was not a good idea at all. So I kept on walking faster, hoping it would prevent me from cooling. At times I almost could have sworn hearing some faint noise of alpacas seemingly being in rut. But my body and mind were already too mined out to really care about such things any more.

I don't remember how I made it till the next day. But I remember the salty taste when my face hit the ground - my body collapsing at some point this day. Then I passed out.

When I woke up I found myself in a small dimly lit room lying on a cot vested with some fancy floral pajamas. A few steps next to me a guy sat in front of a large computer screen with weird looking scientific stuff on it. "A Mr. Blockchain!", he shouted with a loud yet warm voice smiling at me through his oversized glasses as if he had immediately sensed the lifting of my eyelids using some miraculous supernatural skill. "Mr. Blockchain?", I was puzzled. Then he told me the whole story...

He was member of an astronomic science team working at the Atacama Ultra Long Range Space Radio Transmitter (AULRSRT) - a project I've never heard of before. The team had been on one of their traditional "llama spotting trips" last night, meaning they were driving drunk through the Atacama desert on a pickup truck wearing night vision goggles. That was how they found me lying naked in the desert.

They picked me up, gave me something to drink (I vaguely remember them talking that "some Corona would help"...) and drove back to the AULRSRT-camp. On the way I was hallucinating, constantly talking about some mysterious >Blockchain<, >Bitcoins<, >starlight<, and a >warp drive<. Then I began repeating two very long character strings over and over again. Back at the camp the team put me on the cot hoping that I would fall asleep quickly. Since I carried on repeating those strange character strings for another two hours before finally beginning to snore, at some point the science team decided to do some empirical exercise and wrote them down.

After wracking their brains about the meaning of those character strings and drinking a few more brewed beverages the guy with the oversized glasses got an idea: "Why not ask deep space for help?" After some debating about the pros and cons of such a strategy the team decided to target NGC 1502 in the Camelopardalis constellation with their AULRSRT-array, transmitting the character strings into deep space repeatedly for five hours for a total of 21 million times.

"What the ... !?!??", I shouted. "You just send my 1000 BTC to outer space!" - obviously I had a lot to explain. But the guy with the oversized glasses quickly catched the concept and was fun to talk to. The other team members that slowly poured into the room joined the conversation and were interested to learn about decentralized currencies, too. "We're afraid, there is no way we could call back your funds", they sighed, "but in exchange we'll offer you unlimited free accommodation at the AULRSRT including participation in our llama spotting trips."

The following five days turned out to be the most interesting and fun in my life. I learned a lot about space radio transmission and llamas too.

After one week the fairy beamed me back. I was confused. What the heck did I do in the Atacama? Was this all real? But even if it had been just some kind of lucid dreaming I was somehow confident having been in the right place at the right time.

Decades later when I already had retired living in a small home on the outskirts of Auckland - pursuing my hobby as an amateur astronomer - one evening I suddenly saw a fast flashing light in the center of the Camelopardalis constellation...

[molecular]

nice, cool stories, thanks for taking the time to write them.

The winner of the bitcoin is: michele

I decided to give a 2nd prize to Rathian (0.5 BTC) and a 3rd prize to Rini (0.25 BTC).

please give me your addresses (michele, I use the one from your signature?)

[micheline]

nice, cool stories, thanks for taking the time to write them.

The winner of the bitcoin is: michele

I decided to give a 2nd prize to Rathian (0.5 BTC) and a 3rd prize to Rini (0.25 BTC).

     

please give me your addresses (michele, I use the one from your signature?)

Yes  



Edit: Received it. Thanks a lot!

[Rathian]

There are 2nd and 3rd prizes!? Cool! 

19R3Cd8FQNnPSjPi2D79cQLugXCuau6oSn

[molecular]

There are 2nd and 3rd prizes!? Cool! 

not initially, I made these up for you guys when I had a hard time deciding

sent 1 BTC to micheline, proof: 6b58b6ddc8d2a773411000ac5a890612d92b3dc741ee1dd11603e2badefaddd4
sent 500 mBTC to Rathian, proof: e13a7a22ae2c03406ea4a7e11843d52af618a3fa2de8ee19eb7f988190a7c6bd

[caffeinewriter]

These are some pretty epic stories. Definitely worth the time to read, and definitely glad they got some BTC out of it! Kudos to you all, especially to you OP for this awesome challenge ^_^

[BrannigansLaw]

Ooh nooo I want to do a story...