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I've been married for 14 years... My wife thinks I'm weird cuz I always get up at 5h00 to read for two hours before the day starts... Actually I don't always read.. I just enjoy these two hours alone before she and the kids wake up.. that's the only time alone I can get in my day... And I really like it.. But I'm starting to think it might be weird or a bad sign... Like usually people love to spend time with their families.. Any married people out there with thoughts on this..?

Edit: THANK you for all the awards I really appreciate your feedback and support too !

I wouldn't say there is anything wrong with it at all. Everyone needs time to themselves, just because you have a family doesn't change that. I finish work around midnight and I enjoy being able to come home and do my own thing for a couple of hours before going to sleep.

It's essential to have 'me time' in a relationship, not having so risks co-dependency (or symptoms thereof). What OP is describing seems very healthy to me, as does your comment (:

Unfortunately, even if both in the relationship have “me” time, codependency can still be a likely possibility.

I think to avoid codependency one must truly be able to enjoy one’s own company no matter the circumstances, or have a very active and fulfilling social life outside of the relationship.

Codependency is not a real thing. The whole idea pathologizes a normal human tendency, which is to want to be close to people we love or care about. There are different styles of attachment-- some healthier than others-- but humans will always need other humans, and there's nothing wrong with that.

Normally I wouldn't say anything about it but the concept of codependency really only serves to make people feel ashamed or guilty that they "need" someone else other than themselves. Of course they need other people. That's how people survive.

Ha, I even have my own room in the attic with my stuff. A men cave, but I'm the wife and my husband controls the living room. It was a demand for a new home from both of us: I need my own room.

That is really not a normal thing in the Netherlands where homes are small. I do my crafts and such in it, I do have a painting set up for the kids, but they visit in my room and have to ask.

It's wonderful!!

I also work to midnight and enjoy an hour alone in my own room at the end of it. And a few hours in weekends.

Today we are married nine years. Putting up your own boundaries to stay sane is very good marriage etiquette.

I get up at 5am too. And it's also so I have time alone before anyone else gets up. The main reason is that I've set aside that time to game because if I game in the evening chances are I'll get interrupted by a family pet needing to go out, a child needing something, a phone call, my wife needing something etc. Being "on call" all the time doesn't give me time to really relax and get into anything because I'm constantly listening out for issues. At 5am to 7am it's quiet, no one is up, no one needs anything and I get that time to myself uninterrupted (most of the time). I'm not slightly on edge waiting for the next call of "Daaaaaaad?" or the sound of a dog scratching the door etc.

I'm a much happier person because of this, it doesn't hurt anyone so it's win, win for everyone. Everyone needs down time. Don't worry about it.

A question, at what hours do you go to bed to get up at 5 am? With my current schedule it is anywhere between 3-7 hours of sleep if I woke up at 5 am every day. I assume you go to sleep around 10-11 pm then?

Here is the thing. Even when you love someone dearly, you need time away from them.

My father went from a 5 day workweek to a 4 day, with the free day being on a day my mother works. She was annoyed at it first, because " Don't you love me and want to spend time with me." After thinking about it she understands. She likes having time just to herself as well.

They love each other dearly, go on walks at the end of each workday, having weekends away with just to two of them.

Just having some time to charge up and not having to deal with anybodies shit.

You have no social Life mate ? i mean you are a type of person that Work and Family is the circle of your life ?

from Office then direct to Home and enjoy their company ?

Because that is the only thing i believe why you are looking for your own time in the morning , because like me that has social activities with friends or with our neighbors , sometimes going fishing and some social life , so i need no time for myself in that sense .

My husband and I try to give each other "a day off" from each other every once in a while. We usually plan outings with friends or family while the other stays home. It's a win-win for us because we can still strengthen our other relationships while giving our partner space. My husband and I love each other dearly. He really is my best friend, but sometimes it's nice just having the house to myself and I know he feels the same.

me and my dad had a little war with this lmao. He would drive me to school at 8am and wake up at 7am and i'd wake up at 6:30am. Well he wanted up first so he woke up at 6:00am to beat me at first up. So one day I decide there is no way he'll do 5am and this madman started waking up at 4 fucking am, sometimes not even sleeping to be first up. The dude fell a sleep at the wheel a few time so I went back to 6:30am and never test the power of a dad again lmao.

Never warred with my dad over it, but I did used to get up when he did (around 4-5, he worked in construction) so I could spend a bit of time with him because he always came home late and exhausted. He’d make me a glass of warm milk and turn on the TV for me before he left.

This made me laugh and I think my mom does this to me or us kids. When my brothers all use to live at home and still to this day. Me and my last brother, my recent job I woke up before anyone (5-5:30am) and my brother's job I have no idea when he wakes up for because I was the one who woke up first and left the house when he woke up until now that I am not working. I still wake up early but not as early as my mom.

What a sweet memory. My dad would drive me to high school and we’d sit in silence because I am NOT a morning person. I’d give up everything I own to go on just one more silent morning ride with him. He was the best. I haven’t thought of our morning drives in probably two decades. Thanks and I really miss you, Dad.

Recently I've become such a morning person it's nearly the night before. Can't sleepe at night and if I do I wake up any time from 2 to 4 a.m.

Have to be up at 6:30 to get the kids out, then I fall asleep in the day. Having real trouble breaking the cycle.

That’s wild, I’ve not heard of someone becoming a middle of the night morning person before! I’m a night owl and so is my entire family so it’s an eternal struggle for me.

Have you tried the basic OTC supplement melatonin to help you stay asleep a bit longer? It helps my spouse a lot. You usually take it 1-2 hrs before bed but in your case I’d take it at bedtime.

I don't think It's weird in the slightest. I always try to get up before my family, it's lovely to have a cup of tea, read the paper and just generally gather my thoughts before the day takes over. In fact I can get a bit grumpy if I'm not able to have this alone time.

No, sweetie, please don't worry about this. Many people need alone time to be with themselves and get their heads together, to make sense of the world and themselves. Some need a whole lot of alone time, some less. But whatever your needs are, it is in no way a rejection of your family. Think of it as being like recharging your batteries -- something you need to do, so that you can cheerfully give attention and patience to your loved ones when they need it. This practice probably makes you a much better companion the rest of the time. Don't worry about it.

I wish that I'm the same as you that I have something to read after I wake up early in the morning and don't have to get ready for work and other business matters.

Talk to your wife and explain what it gives you when you do that early in the morning. It's rare to see someone go through with that practice everyday and that's a positive thing IMHO.

If that's what made you feel comfortable and free then why not ?and besides it is your time and you only consume in what pleases you.

and that is much better than disturbing them in their sleep right?

Yeah , it is our time so we must spend it in what we think is appropriate . and also why bother for others to think when you don't bother about theirs?

How many times you been married in those 14 years?     8)

That's funny though.  ;D ;D But seems that OP is only married once. But anyway, I can relate the feeling of getting up early than anybody else in the house. You can really have alone time if you wake up early. It is like having peace of mind and just do what you need to do without any distraction. You can also plan things ahead by doing so.

It is not weird at all, I think its important to have some time alone, its healthy and is better for the mental health of each and everyone of us.

I think it is not weird. Maybe you need to be alone without anyone disturbing you to reflect on what you have done and what next you want to do. Maybe when you are alone, you can communicate to GOD for everything you already have, what you want, and other things that will make you closer to GOD. I think that will be great for you, and you will see that you can have a better life because GOD will guide you and protect you and your family.

Yes, I very much agree with you. I often wake up in the middle of the night to look at my phone and drink some coffee. This is really so happy

This is normal. If you remind yourself to do something before going to bed, as long as you really want to do it in your heart, it will happen in the middle of the night! I have also had this situation

Don’t eat too much at night before going to bed. At night, your body’s functions begin to decline, and your organs begin to gradually rest. Forcibly eating a lot of food will increase the burden on your stomach and you will wake up easily.

Gay said: "If you wake up in the middle of the night, the most important thing is actually to rest in bed.

Fortunately, it’s not very strange. Sometimes I often wake up in the middle of the night, sometimes because I know the things in my dreams are impossible to happen, sometimes because there is still something unfinished in my heart.

This is not surprising, my friend, sometimes I am awakened by nightmares at two o'clock. You just need to take a hot bath at night to relax yourself and the quality of sleep will be better.

I do love the alone time too lol but I actually does sleep in this free time that I have

I can say that this is not only something that is normal, it is important and it is necessary(!) to be alone with yourself in peace at least a couple of hours a day. And early morning is the right time for that!

There’s nothing wrong with alone time, my friend. Everybody needs time to gather their thoughts & relax without family pressure. You have nothing to worry about OP, it’s 100% normal. Just tell your wife you’re trying to get fit & you’re going for a run but really you’re in the garage, sitting in the car playing video games :)

That is the sign that you are on the right path because many billionaires or successful people in their field prefer to use the early morning time for themself as they get the head start and nobody is disturbing them. Morning times you get fresh ideas, you can exercise and remain fit and plan your day accordingly. No phone calls, no disturbance and fresh idea's just makes it the best combination one requires in today's busy life.

All the great men in history that have marvelled their generation were not so much lover's of sleep. As much as it is important to have a good sleep/rest regularly, too much sleeping is not something good. Starting your day very early before others wake up is very good because it gives you a head start to the day. Imagine someone waking up by 7 a:m to do what you already did by 4 a:m.

Many married people have the habit of waking up late. Its really good and normal if you wake up early and spend your time in this constructive activity. This also means that you can give more time to your family when they wake up. But just make sure you sleep properly and does not comprise on your health by sleeping less.

There are plenty of people who have got only one toilet in their house. In such situations, it is necessary to get up early.

its the other way around at mine. I wake up early to see people..

I'm not married but I live with my girlfriend and to be honest I'm sleeping until the last minute. If I have to go out at 09:30 I'm sleeping until 09:15. Wake up, go to the toilet take a quick shower,dress up and leave the perimeter :D

I think there is nothing wrong about it. Every people have different routines. For example, there is no way that I can get up that early.  ;D  But I also don't like getting up too late too (e.g. 11 am). It is just about when you feel yourself better to get up.

I don't wake up early to have a time alone I would rather spend more time on night when everyone is sleeping since I couldn't wake up earlier than my housemates.
I always do it without thinking that it is weird or whatever I just spend the time browsing on my phone while I am on bed.

I actually prefer to wake up around that time for almost thesame reason.

I guess people won't feel very comfortable when they notice you have been awake on thesame bed with them while they were sleeping, Or they just find it weird/non-random that you regularly stay awake around that time while everyone was asleep, Or they're probably concerned that something may be bothering you, etc .

I think telling her why you stay awake around that time will make things easy for both of you. It's important you don't get misunderstood by her.

You are above 1 hr from mine , because i woke up at 5am but i will leave the house at 6:30 to go in office meaning the first 1 hour will be spend for nothing but just staring in the sky or for listening to Music while doing nothing.

Maybe this is the sign that we are aging ? we are thinking for what we will do progressive aside from our daily routine?

I don't know but this is what it is.

I don't think thats weird , How old are you mate if you don't mind?

because i believe that it is depend on how young or old you are to have that attitude.

Why would that be a bad sign? Every couple needs a bit of space once in a while, talking from experience as well.
You could use that time to do some exercise also because it seems like you've got a full-on lifestyle. Maybe it'll relax you a bit.

Is it weird to wake up 2 hours before anybody else to have time alone?


Only if you do it by accident.


8)

No matter what time you should have some time for yourself, it is also a way to relax yourself in a busy life, even if you get married, it should not be a reason to restrain yourself. ;)

Ofcourse. Should be space to do things that are not bad.
I think husband and wife are One Body, so they shouldn't keep secrets if they are both True Believer and trust each others. I believe it's OK for a good wife to know why the husband stays awake around that time and vise versa.

I fully agree, everybody needs time for himself. And honestly it doesn't matter if you wake up earlier or if you stay up later at night. I am more of a night owl, so I like to go 1-2 hours to bed after everybody else, but we need to do what works for us and our body.

*weird? I didn't find anything wrong with you...
Every human being has unique habits and I think your wife should accept your habits. Bad habits are when they affect your lifestyle and make it bad but reading or alone for 2 hours is 'me time' IMO.

This sounds super healthy, I was out of work for a while spending too much time with my girlfriend and it honestly nearly sent me crazy, getting a part time just, working only 3 days a week helped me so much. I think we really need some alone time to help process thoughts and feelings, whether they be extreme ones or not.