Bitcoin Forum

Hi guys ,
I am doing this as a trial and see how it goes.
This month joke contest , everyone invited to write a joke and vote of course :)
Here are some ground rules :

     1. first place win 5$ , second wins 3$ , third place win 2$ (paid in BTC)
     2. 1 joke per person (put your BTC wallet address in your post)
     3. if you like the joke please post a reply with the person's joke nickname +1 (no  you can not vote for yourself)
     4. you can post your joke until 30/09/2014 posts placed on October 1st wont count.

please make sure your wallet address is right because i will not pay twice
depend on the number of contenders and votes it might take time for me to process the results so i will pay on start of October

if you trolls have something negative to say please spare it :)

let the contest begin  :)

Some guy: I once knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith.

Other guy: What was the name of his other leg ?

___
BTC: 13rUA9GgZUnuLqv9Sycu7tvD7uVc7cDs5X

This is a great idea!

Some guy:  How do I get quick rich of bitcoin?
Karpales:  First, register in MtGox.com then...


BTC: 1P5nptAHF54JF7K66Km6X5F7AqnxrCip1j

i wanna say thanks to the 2 guys for posting a joke.  ;D ;D ;D

i hoped for better cooperation , as the things look no jokes left  ???

common guys and girls give us a push  ;D

ok ok here is one for starter :

2 guys bump at each other at the market.
the younger guy ask the older one : what are you doing here ?
older respond : i look for my wife , how does your wife look?
the young guy say : she is tall blonde blue eyes and skinny , how does your wife look?
the older respond : never mind , let go look for your wife.. ;D

a: hi, how are you?
b: fine
a: what's your name?
b: fine
a: are you fine?
b: you're idiot!?!

and then they fight each other

btc address : 1BmpoJkVYHtRcYXmnE1Hepdkj3yQWHUmLi

What's the difference between Dirty Harry and anal sex?
One makes your day the other makes your hole weak.

1ByrFWmyy4LVWQ6hzGMf3LMUmQTYuH6BU3

http://s8.postimg.org/daq4iuiid/Is_this_a_joke.jpg

Looks like I win the first go round.

EDIT: Lucky me! This is post #7. What are the odds?

the older respond: Where you from?
the young guy say: Carolina.
the older guy: How long you've known your wife?
the young guy say: Since she was born. She's also my sister.
old guy: Does your wife have a sister?
young guy: Yeah, but she's married to my cousin. You're not from around here are you?
old guy: Nope! But I kinda like the place and thinkin' 'bout movin' here.
young guy: I see you've been practicin' the accent.
old guy: Do what?

There are two fishes in a tank.
One said to the other, how do u drive this thing??

PM me if i win  :P

notfunny forthis i feel

Hey.. I am not lazy, I am in energy saving mode.

The only thing I use BING for is to search Google.

Q:What do you call a man with a spade in his head?
A:An Ambulance

BTC: 1FQvrLVug7JhJb1GgZ7BeM2cc92gHtDyX

My lesbian neighbours have given me a Rolex.
I guess they misunderstood me when I told them, the day they came to introduce themselves, that I wanna watch.

(14QeeyCDCArJ5XhiCVzgZUUnWRsUunrqJk)

Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home.
One boy throws his bag out the window.
Teacher: who just threw that?!
Boy: Me! I’m going home now.

1QGqg2rK75NQyeTcEUVEZ7G9VPZaHmtpWP

Do limericks count as a joke?

There once was a man from Yuma,
Who told elephant joke to puma,
His skeleton lies,
In hot Western skies,
Puma had no sense of huma!

(I'll edit in my bitcoin address later.)

The parrot went to the henhouse in the evening, and f#ck3d all the chickens.

At the break of dawn the cock started crowing: "cock-a-doodle-doo", calling his hens. And so the chickens, making a line, went downstairs to be f#ck3d by that handsome strong bird (and of course he done it very well to them).

The line up went on, chicken by chicken, and in the end there was only the parrot remaining as well as a small cockerel. The cockerel looked at the parrot and said: "you first". The parrot answered: "oh, I'm so tired..." and pretended he was sleeping. But the cock continued there crowing and calling their victims for their imminent f#ck fate.

After some time, the cockerel was so hungry that he had to go out. On seeing the cock nearing the poor innocent animal the parrot cried in dispair: "PROTECT YOUR BACK DOOR!"

http://parrots4parties.com/images/NJ-NY-parrots-2.jpg
1GUGow6mR8Z8f1dRu6iPza6CtiS1yoXY5s

What's brown and sticky?
A stick

1NYaBPmrUjGZ5WA7iiPkDGcd7EBZKNTECW

In the year 2016, a gun control advocate and his machine gun-wielding "bodyguards" walk into a bar.

Everyone else runs out the back door, except the bartender, who unlocks the cash register and safe, then eats his own gun before he can be executed.

The gun control advocate sneers "thanks for paying your taxes" as he bags the cash, then waves his hand, so the "bodyguards" machine gun the wall of liquor, after which they all turn to leave, the bar erupts into flames, and burns down shortly thereafter.

In 2024, that gun control advocate is "elected" president of the United States.

1BUTRZ85L1JuoX5y2XRjxJaYcjcMLhPJcY

What's the difference between an optimist and a pessimist?

The pessimist says: "Everything is so bad! It can not get any worse!"

The optimist says: "Yes. It can!"


1HgPJmHLWiKEtD8Xyka9E8ZZm47xfAXauS

One Irish potato said to the other: i am going to change my nationality.
The other one: How?
First potato: I am going to be French fries  :D

I know 10 facts about you:
Fact 1: You are reading this.
Fact 2: You can't say the letter 'm' without touching your lips.
Fact 3: You just tried it.
Fact 4: You're smiling.
Fact 6: You're smiling or laughing again.
Fact 7: You didn't notice I missed fact 5.
Fact 8: You just checked it.
Fact 9: You're smiling again.
Fact 10: You like this and you're going to rate or comment. :)


19LXAEKq7dXf55noccsvigCUwkSxCMwx1h

I hope 18+ Jokes are allowed too:

Here is a translation of a joke which i know.

A wife is doing sex with her boyfriend. Suddenly her Husband Comes, She hides her boyfriend in the freezer and closes it but the ball of her boyfriend gets stuck in the door. Husband Sees the balls and asks what are those? Wife says its just a bell!  ;D. The Husband goes there and touches the ball nothing happens. Then he punches the balls  ;D again nothing happens. Then he brings a hammer and smashes the balls. Then a Voice from Freezer comes "Tring(Bell sound) MotherFucker! Tring"!  ;D
 
I hope the joke is funny in english too as it is funny in our local language.

my btc addy: 1A9H6pMR1V1ZagYvDKDCpSBueRaNvP6BHv

THE BIGGEST LIE

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.

The teacher says, “Why are you arguing?”

One boy answers, “We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.”

"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was."

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

THE DOCTOR

The doctor to the patient: ‘You are very sick’
The patient to the doctor: ‘Can I get a second opinion?’
The doctor again: ‘Yes, you are very ugly too…’ :D

I save contacts on my phone in Memento  (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0209144/) style:

David - Don't believe his lies
Robert - Cheated you in the past
Monic - Will sleep with you out of compassion



address:122LJenypFR1XTsuQjrycds8nyuXdkLwGa

Knock knock. Who’s there? Smell mop. (finish this joke in your head)

171e1ivvbNhxykmDRhUN6XxgMtdXwsmBbg

Aren't we supposed to vote?

Of course my joke was the best ;D but I am not allowed to vote on my own joke :'(

So, my vote goes to:
+1

The teacher was asking the end of the day question that she asks every Friday. If the student got it right they would not have to go to school on Monday. Little Johnny Was determined to answer correctly. So he painted two black marbles black and rolled them to the teachers feet. All of a sudden she Shouted out, "Who's the comedian with the black balls?". Johnny shouted out, "Bill Cosby, see ya on Tuesday suckas!".

1FeWC9i1riDXeQMqf2MJGf1k1MwNCak36B

What's the difference between a blind man using a map and a truckload of BFL Jalapeños?

The blind man has a chance of finding a block.

PM me in 2 weeks^TM

The person who invented the door knock won the No-bell prize.



14sArAJ7UJcZ1yfit16yogcCex2hjDy2hy

Superman was flying over metropolis one day, horney as hell, and suddenly he saw wonder woman suntanning naked on top of a building, and he thought to himself "I'd love to get me some of that wonder P*ssy!"

Suddenly he realized, he's superman,  he can go do a little quick pumping and get out of there before she even realizes what happened. So superman swoops down, pumps as fast as he can and flies away.

Wonder woman jumps up and shouts "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT???" and the invisible man says "I don't know but my asshole is killing me!"


Wallet address: 1F3VYE7oGqdbYDkXFGDWkrmJuiPRbDZYv5

 I don't get it  ???

How do you sell a deaf man a chicken?
Lean in close, take a deep breath and scream at the top of your lungs:
WANNA BUY A CHICKEN?!?!?

BTC: 137yedPK92TUsjPSAQAFUgaWog96QJdtT1

I'll show myself out...

The invisible man was having sex with wonder woman... And obviously superman didn't see him cos hes invisible.

lol

By the way...

Batman and Robin were coming back from a party.

Both drunk, but Batman was much worse. Batman was so drunk that he decided to ask Robin to drive the Batmobile back home.

Excited to have this first opportunity to drive such a nice car, Robin sits in front of the steering wheel, puts his hand on the gear stick, puts the first gear and takes off smooth.

He shifts to the second gear, increases speed, shifts to the third, and to the forth gear, and drives through a curve at more than 70mph.

The car skids, so he reduces driving speed, stepping on the brakes, but regains control, he shifts back to the third gear, and so they went.

As soon as they arrived at the Batcave, Robin parks the car so proudly. Then, batman asks:

— Robin, give me a kiss?

— Hey Batman! Are you crazy? Who do you think I am?

— Oh, c'mon, don't complicate things! You know quite well that the Batmobile has got automatic transmission!

1GdwGhHvkV8eXB1JGAubAHQJwpbtCgk7tD ;D

http://i608.photobucket.com/albums/tt167/colesla/batman-robin-gay-demotivational-pos.jpg

+1 nice one lol

An inspector walks into a mental asylum. He looks around and sees people jumping headfirst into the floor and trashing about.

His job being to release whoever is no longer ill, he studies the scene and eventually finds a man sitting in a chair, watching silently.

He walks up to him, grinning, and says: "Ah! Finally, someone normal here. Why are you not swimming on the floor like the rest of them?"
The man in the chair replies: "Why, I'm the lifeguard!"

1As9VtoyjhwvdR8AKjbzmg87xB92S1MUJn

Much appreciated  ;D

12NNiA7BTM2tceY45uNnJBpk1fPiEMdWZp

*Posts on Ships*


david is keen to have and buy a boat but
wife strongly disagree.
but David reckless and one day he
eventually bought the boat of her dreams.
 he then brought his wife to dock where his boat was.

"nahh ... how? good is not it? "he said to his wife. "
lets now we are reconciled, darling! you now i give honor
to write something on our boat! "
with enthusiasm and a smile sweet wife of David taking paint
her husband had been prepared and ready to write. while waiting for
his writing, David went to the liquor store. When David returned to
dock, writing is what he saw in his boat

     "FOR SALE"

:)

im not 40 year old !!!

im 18 yo

with 22 years experience


1V7bMtxABgATMSTJeRLJoKxQJiuAZYUML

+1
I Like this one of the parrot ;D

I made a vote and it was deleted: this is not fair :-[

Good joke but slightly dated +1

+1
lol I like this one by libivan

Made me laugh +1

I vote for this batman joke lol +1

 ;D +1 I vote for this criplib joke

Classic I heard this joke when I was at college +1

Thanks you guys for posting / voting  ;D

today is the last day if any one want to hurry and add / vote  ???

Hahaha very funny man +1

What do you call a blonde standing on her head??


A brunette with bad breath!!

Mom and Dad were married 50 years and the celebration was a big one. Being a working class family, the children all chipped in to send Mom and Dad on their first cruise ever, with their accommodations as inside and upper/lower berths.

In the excitement of departure, Mom forgot her hearing aids.

The first night on board they retired to their upper/lower berth stateroom. Dad Looks at the bedding situation and asked “Up or down?”

A look of surprise swept over Mommas’ face and she proceeded to have the wildest sex they have had in 40 years.

Each night Pappa would ask “Up or Down?” Each night the sex gets wilder and better.

Upon their return home, they unpack and Momma finds her hearing aid and puts it in. That evening Poppa stands at the foot of the bed in happy anticipation and says ” Well, Up or Down?”

A little confused Momma asks “Up or Down what?”

Poppa said “I’m not sure, but each night on the cruise when ever I asked that question you gave the best sex ever!”

“Oh my G-d!” Momma said in disgust

“I thought you were saying Fuck or drown.“

Thank you guys for participation.

the results are in :

number 1 :


number 2 :


number 3 :

since 2-3 places got the same number of votes so i have send them 3$ each

 ;D

check your wallets

Thank you! Prize received!

Thanks for the votes :-*

Thank you all for participating! That was fun ;D

Some guy:  How do I get quick rich of bitcoin?
Karpales:  First, register in MtGox.com then...

19wgvnC5wmhqgat9C39chHrbDWHHofAZjJ

Thanks, transfer received. Will there be an October contest?

i think there will be  ;D