Bitcoin Forum

Hi guys,


I guess most of you have heard about Bitcoin Trader. They have been online since November 2013, they provide BTC trading and arbitrage services and a lot of people have made money by using them so far.
According to their website: “Bitcoin Trader is utilizing arbitrage situations to generate profits for our Trading Pool. Arbitrage is the practice of taking advantage of the price difference between two or more markets. For us, it means to buy Bitcoins on one market for immediate resale on another market in order to profit from the price disparity. This results in immediate, principally risk-free profit.”


Here are their results for the last 10 months:  


                                                               https://i.imgur.com/cCv8jZc.jpg



In order to help general Bitcoin acceptance, they have sponsored several interesting events so far including:

Bitcoin 2014: http://bitcoin2014.com/ (http://bitcoin2014.com/)

Central European Bitcoin Expo 2014: http://cebexpo.net/ (http://cebexpo.net/)

Bitcoin Conference Chicago: http://btcchicago.com/ (http://btcchicago.com/)

The North American Bitcoin Car Giveaway Tour 2014: http://www.bitpages.co/content/car.html (http://www.bitpages.co/content/car.html)


Now, there is something else interesting for you guys. I would like to start Bitcoin Trader – The Best Joke of the Week Contest. I will award 5 free Bitcoin shares, each worth $20, at the end of each of the next 10 weeks to 5 people posting the best jokes in this thread. So, 50 people in total will be able to get their free Bitcoin Trader shares. Winners will get a special coupon which they can redeem on Bitcoin Trader website in order to get their free share.

A few rules:

1)   This contest is open to both existing and new Bitcoin trader clients. In case you do not have an account, you must register via the link from my signature in order to qualify. If you already have an account, you are fine, just post your jokes.
 
2)   Only 1 share will be given per account. The system does not allow redeeming multiple coupons. So, if you have already received a free share, there is no point trying to do that again.

3)   I will personally select winners at the end of each week and they will receive their codes within 24 hours. Additional points will be given to jokes related to Bitcoin/Cryptocurrencies.

Let us all have fun here and I really hope to see a lot of great jokes in this thread. Good luck!

P.S. I was hired by BT to oversee this contest. I do not work for BT and I have never been part of their team.  Also, if I may ask you to focus on posting only great jokes in this thread so I can give you some free money. There are several other BT threads where you can discuss their services. Thx

Here's mine: Audit.

Let me try.

Women goes into a bar with a duck under her arm. Bartenders says "what'll the pig have." The woman says, "that's not a pig, that's a duck!". I know says the bartender, "I was talking to the duck."

lol. good one ;)

contest is over

I would not mine scoring a free share. Here is mine:

A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store.
The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious!
She stormed past the store to her work.
On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." She was incredibly ticked now.
The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and warned she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager replied profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn't say it again.
When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady."
She paused and said,"Yes?"
The bird said, "You know."

:)))))

"So a seal walks into a club..."

Here's one I know. :)

A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. "What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."

To Absent Brothers
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender says to him, 'You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time.' The Irishman replies, 'Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we all drank together. 'The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way: he orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, 'I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.' The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a lights dawns in his eye and he laughs. 'Oh, no, ' he says, 'Everyone is fine. I've just quit drinking!

Thanks for running this! :)

Two guys are driving through Alabama when they get pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper walks up, taps on the window with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver says, "Why'd you do that?"
The trooper says, "You're in Alabama, son. When I pull you over you'll have your license ready."
Driver says, "I'm sorry, officer, I'm not from around here."
The trooper runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean. He gives the guy his license back and walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window.
The passenger rolls his window down, and the trooper smacks him with the nightstick.
The passenger says, "What'd you do that for?"
The cop says, "Just making your wishes come true."
The passenger says, "Huh?"
The cop says, "I know that two miles down the road you're gonna say, ''I wish that jerk would've tried that shit with me."


Good luck to all! :)

Here is an IT one:

A SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, public house, Irish pub, drinks, beer….

Alt-coins.

Do I win?

Mine were here: Free.

An oil sheik says in a gallery:
I really admire Picasso.
There is nobody who was able to sell oil so expensive.

A Koala bear walks into a bar, sits down and orders a BLT sandwich.

The Koala eats the BLT sandwich, gets up, spins around, pulls a pistol out of his pouch, shoots the piano player, and proceeds to walk out of the bar.

The bartender, in shock, shouts to the Koala, "Hey, who do you think you are, you ate my sandwich and shot my piano player, and just where do you think you're going!?"

The Koala replies, "Hey, I'm a Koala. Look it up." The frustrated bartender pulls out a dictionary from behind the bar and looks up Koala: The dictionary reads "noun: a marsupial that eats shoots and leaves."

Heh, keep them coming guys, 5 free shares this week.

So, an Irish man walks out of his local bar...  Hah, just kidding, he's Irish, no he doesn't....   ;D

good one

How can you tell that someone is a redneck?

Well, he goes to a family reunion looking for a wife.

Haha, nasty. OP, can we post multiple jokes or just one per week?

   

["hip","hip"]

(hip hip array!)

What have you got if you have a green ball in one hand and another green ball in the other hand?

Kermit the Frog's is full attention.

Sure. The only condition is one 1 coupon per Bitcoin trader account. The system does not allow redeeming more than 1 coupon per account. If you have not redeemed a code so far, feel free to post as many jokes as possible. This only increases your chances to win a free share.

Winning this contest is going to be harder than a priest on a playground.

{"freddy":"vs"}

I love it, :). Programming humor is always awesome.

Why was the former pool owner charged with being a sex offender?

Because when he closed down, he screwed all those miners.

Heheh. A good one.

...and we have a first crypto joke. Good job.

-A plane flown by a woman is technically a drone...because it is unmanned. Har har  ;D

-Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make...then they don't call me at all.

-If Al Gore ever came out with a music album it would be called...Algorithms

-After the Nigerian football team was eliminated from the World Cup, the Nigerian captain offered to refund the travel expenses to Brazil of all fans of his country...All he needs is those fans' bank details and pin numbers to refund them.

-Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

-What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before he got married? Feyonce.

-How do you sell a deaf man a chicken?
Lean in close, take a deep breath and scream at the top of your lungs:
WANNA BUY A CHICKEN?!?!?

-Why does a chicken coupe have 2 doors? Because if it had 4 it would be a chicken sedan.

-I was thinking about moving to Moscow today but there is no point in Russian into things.

I'll show myself out...

Lots of good ones, great effort. This Sunday we ll select our first 5 winners. There is still time to win this week, keep these jokes coming.

How do you know when a girl is too young ?

It's when you have to make the sound of a plane to put your d in her mouth.

And this is why we can't have nice things in this forum.

Thks for defining what's funny and what's not.

I will select the first five winners tomorrow. There is still chance to win a free share, post your jokes today.

Right!

A man walks into a bar, and the bar tender says:
"What you'll have?"
"Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?"
"No, sorry, just plain."



A man was speeding a little too fast when he drove by a cop.  The cop flipped his lights on and took off to pull him over.  The guy isn't in the mood for a ticket, so he speeds up more to try to escape.  Then he realizes this isn't a good idea, and he pulls over.

Cop: "You'd better have a good reason for not pulling over right away."
Man: "My wife ran off with a cop, and I was afraid you were trying to bring her back!"



A man walks into a bar.
The second man ducks.



There are 10 types of people in the world:
Those who understand binary, and those who don't.



Want to know how to catch a bear?
Find a big wide open area.  Dig a hole in the middle of it.  Dump ashes in a pile in the middle of the hole, and put an orange on top of the pile of ashes.  (Bears love oranges!)  Then hide behind a tree and wait.
When a bear comes along and leans over the hole to get the orange, sneak up behind him and kick him in the ash hole.


M

So a priest, a pedophile and a rapist enter a bar. He orders a drink.

***************

Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One looks to the other and says "boy it's hot in here!" to which the other replies "holy crap, it's a talking muffin!"

Ok, here are the winners of the first week Bitcoin Trader - The Best Joke of the Week Contest:

coinmaster222

semidead

grahvity

BashfulTA

CaptainTE

Great work guys, lots of nice jokes. Winners will be contacted via PM and I will send them their free shares. The next round of Bitcoin Trader - The Best Joke of the Week Contest starts NOW. I will select next 5 winners next Sunday and they each of them will also get a free BT trading share per account. So, keep posting jokes guys, I have 45 more shares to hand out. Please help me to give you free money.   

Hmm, based on your choices, I have the feeling a lot of these jokes went over your head and you either didn't realize they were jokes (with hidden meanings) or didn't understand them. Do we need to spell things out in them when we post them?

i.e.:
{"freddy":"vs"}
Meaning: the format of this code is JSON. So the literal translation is "freddy vs JSON," which is referencing Freddy vs Jason (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0329101/?ref_=nv_sr_1), the movie.

That was one of the multiple that are harder for most people to catch on to. But we weren't given a topic to write about, either. There needs to be refinement of what you're actually looking for.

I met fine girl in a park. Spark jumped between us two and we had sex right there. I love my new paralyser!!

Coindetective sent me a bitcoin trader promo code and it worked! It gave me a 1 $20 trading share. Thank you again coindetective! Congratulations to the other winners. Good luck to all of you as well!

So bitcoin, litecoin, and dogecoin walk into a busy bar.

Bitcoin says, “Drinks on me!” and gets in line at the bar.
Litecoin says, “I’ll get the next round” and sits down.
Doge says nothing and comes back with the first round of drinks right away.

Bitcoin and Litecoin ask, “How did you get the drinks so fast?”

Dogecoin says, “Because I tip better than you two.”

Bitcoin and Dogecoin walk into NASA for their interview to see if they can become an astronaut. Things are going really well, until asked where in space they'd most like to go. "To the moon!" they both replied, and were both declined immediately. On their way out, they see MarsCoin (http://www.marscoin.org/) prancing inside the building happily in his space suit.

(To explain... Bitcoin and Dogecoin have been exclaiming "to the moon!" forever. NASA is currently doing space missions to Mars instead)

A sweet little girl is out in the back garden, digging a big deep hole.
A neighbour looks over the fence and says:
“Why are you digging that big deep hole?”
“My goldfish died,” the sweet little girl says, with a sob.
“I'm really sorry to hear that,” the neighbour says,
“but why such a big deep hole for a goldfish?”
The little girl gives him an evil look. “Because it's inside your f*****g cat.”

Heh, another nasty one.

So it makes sense! I translated it from Czech and been afraid that noone understand it :).

Technically "paralyzer" should be "taser," but past that it was all fine, :).

Coindetective provided me with a valid promo code for bitcoin trader. Thanks! :D

https://i.imgur.com/WnOSYTK.png?1

Why wasn't the child allowed to view the new pirate movie without his parents? Because it was rated "arrgh!"

3 more days till the end of the 2nd round of the contest. Anyone else interested to post?

Guess this week everybody wins.

How to fall downstairs.
Step 1
Step 6
Step 8,9,10,11

 

I was driving down the road one day when I saw a box laying in the middle of the road!

I pulled over, picked up the box, and took it over the side of the road.

I opened it up, and inside was another box!
And inside that, another box!
Inside that, was one more box, a pretty small box.
I opened that box, and you'd never guess what was in it!?
A toe!

So I called a tow truck of course.

M

Bitcoin is going to surge in September!

M

Here are the winners of the second week Bitcoin Trader - The Best Joke of the Week Contest:

shmoula

Sarahiko

ranlo

twister

mdude77

Great work guys, lots of nice jokes. Winners will be contacted via PM and I will send them their free shares. The next round of Bitcoin Trader - The Best Joke of the Week Contest starts NOW. I will select next 5 winners next Sunday and they each of them will also get a free BT trading share per account.

Confirmed! Code already applied and worked as promised. Thanks! :).

Thank you code received and applied have a good laugh everyone  ;D

Why are we always talking about the Belingham Transit Company  ;)

https://i.imgur.com/k05x5XH.jpg (To get the joke)

Yay! I won :)

Received and redeemed a valid $20 bitcoin-share code. Thx coindetective :)

Code redeemed, thanks!

Still waiting for more jokes to be posted this week. People, look at the results of these past weeks, almost everyone who posted their jokes, WON.

I AM GIVING AWAY $20 trading share in exchange for a good joke.

Q. Why do Rules for Professional Conduct for lawyers prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
A. To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

Not sure, if I can attend next round, if not, at least have some good laugh. Another translation from czech attempt:

A guy takes girl back home to her parents house late in night. Theyre at the door, kissing and saying good bye and guy asks for a quick BJ. Girl does not want to, so he's begging a little longer. Suddenly doors open and younger brother says: father tells you that you should give him BJ and put your fu*ing back out of our doorbell button!

This one is more of a riddle than a joke

Q. How do you get Bitcoins out of Bitcoin Trader?

A.Insert your own punchline