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Title: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: adamstgBit on May 12, 2016, 02:43:13 AM I dont want to get married
It's not so much the idea of committing to 1 person It's more about the extravagant amount of money wasted. My GF says shes wants a wedding of ~100 people Some preliminary planning shows her unwillingness to cut cost here or there, she wants to full package and the fact that she doesn't have the money to pay for it dosnt seem to factor into her thinking. She says things like "your supposed to spend 3 months salary on a wedding ring" I feel i should run away, should i GTFO of there? Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: BlockEye on May 12, 2016, 02:54:37 AM I dont want to get married I would say invest more on the video ad photography because this is the one the will be watched by those who cant attend.It's not so much the idea of committing to 1 person It's more about the extravagant amount of money wasted. My GF says shes wants a wedding of ~100 people Some preliminary planning shows her unwillingness to cut cost here or there, she wants to full package and the fact that she doesn't have the money to pay for it dosnt seem to factor into her thinking. She says things like "your supposed to spend 3 months salary on a wedding ring" I feel i should run away, should i GTFO of there? Cut costs by inviting only those who you see more often than those who you see once every year. Yes invest in the wedding ring, you don't want to see a crappy looking ring after 10 years. Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: adamstgBit on May 12, 2016, 03:39:25 AM when the idea of marriage come into this, i'm just not sure i want to do it.
I'm not religious ( at all ) I view marriage as a ....... liability! I don't WANT to do it, but she really wants to, and i love her and assume we will spend many many happy years together but i'm not sure thats a good enough reason to get married. what if we get married and she changes and like becomes a bitch. why why why would i want to setup this potential trap? https://i.imgflip.com/4zttd.jpg Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: MisO69 on May 12, 2016, 01:32:23 PM She says things like "your supposed to spend 3 months salary on a wedding ring" :o
https://cdn.meme.am/instances/500x/62424595.jpg Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: gentlemand on May 12, 2016, 08:36:24 PM Sounds like it's all about being the centre of attention more than anything. You can get married for whatever the paperwork costs and nothing more. And if anyone came out with that 3 month salary line to me I'd probably vomit in their face and run away into the night.
If you do decide to get married just tell all the people and places you're booking that it's for a charity event and it'll all cost about 3 times less. Would I ever marry anyone? Never ever ever ever ever ever. I've seen what happens when it goes tits up. But I wish joy to anyone who does. Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: Das on May 12, 2016, 08:50:26 PM Marriage does give peace and stability to a man.
You don't want your children living with someone they are not married to for the rest of their lives, do you? So teach your children by example. Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: adamstgBit on May 16, 2016, 01:58:53 AM You don't want your children living with someone they are not married to for the rest of their lives, do you? not sure this is such a bad thing.Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: naypalm on May 16, 2016, 02:11:58 AM Go get some strippers, woo woo I'm a railroad (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCIDyTOFm84).
All silliness aside, let your girlfriend know that this is something to plan and save up to. 100+ people weddings can be quite the financial strain. Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: vokain on May 16, 2016, 02:16:05 AM “Never marry at all, Dorian. Men marry because they are tired, women, because they are curious: both are disappointed.”
:D http://www.quotehd.com/imagequotes/authors1/oscar-wilde-dramatist-one-should-always-be-in-love-that-is-the-reason.jpg http://www.unmarried.org/marriage-quotes/ This was a good one: “I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I do” is the longest sentence? Good luck bro! Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: mv__ on May 16, 2016, 07:53:56 AM I dont want to get married It's not so much the idea of committing to 1 person It's more about the extravagant amount of money wasted. My GF says shes wants a wedding of ~100 people Some preliminary planning shows her unwillingness to cut cost here or there, she wants to full package and the fact that she doesn't have the money to pay for it dosnt seem to factor into her thinking. She says things like "your supposed to spend 3 months salary on a wedding ring" I feel i should run away, should i GTFO of there? You should take full control and cut those expenses to moderate rate. If she can boss around you in this then your marriage won't last. Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: vokain on May 16, 2016, 06:04:22 PM What if we figured out anti-aging and you could live forever? Does that change your views on marriage? Considering that scale, a wedding doesn't really cost that much.
Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: edgar on May 17, 2016, 12:59:56 PM No.
complete waste of money, unless you're loaded. even then, NO. unless she's still a virgin, and unlikely to give it up otherwise. in fact even then - no. what is there to think about? is her family loaded? are they covering all costs? will they reimburse you when she wants a divorce and half your shit? all the way no Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: tiffyroman on May 17, 2016, 02:08:44 PM No. complete waste of money, unless you're loaded. even then, NO. unless she's still a virgin, and unlikely to give it up otherwise. in fact even then - no. what is there to think about? is her family loaded? are they covering all costs? will they reimburse you when she wants a divorce and half your shit? all the way no Seriously!? Being a virgin is a factor to consider in a marriage!? Are you absolutely serious!? Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: edgar on May 17, 2016, 03:33:24 PM No. complete waste of money, unless you're loaded. even then, NO. unless she's still a virgin, and unlikely to give it up otherwise. in fact even then - no. what is there to think about? is her family loaded? are they covering all costs? will they reimburse you when she wants a divorce and half your shit? all the way no Seriously!? Being a virgin is a factor to consider in a marriage!? Are you absolutely serious!? not really, i was just trying to think of reasons anyone would want to throw their money/freedom away on an expensive farce.. if fanatical muslims are willing to die for the lure of virgins & africans rape virgins in the vain hope of curing their AIDS, perhaps it could be seen as a reason to marry - im pretty sure that was a thing before the internet ;) Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: adamstgBit on May 17, 2016, 05:13:23 PM https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/b4/3c/56/b43c56a3142d48cc46ee7660600549c0.jpg
who would agree to this ridiculous bet!? her friend is getting married. she's very adamant about getting married. saying no is break up material. i have a feeling this will be me in about a year... http://img.memecdn.com/getting-married_o_1094095.jpg Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: adamstgBit on May 17, 2016, 05:23:23 PM Considering that scale, a wedding doesn't really cost that much. true ~100 people wedding is small ( maybe on the larger spectrum of "small wedding"?? )but if selling your left kidney wont cover the cost... i think its considered "expensive". What if we figured out anti-aging and you could live forever? Does that change your views on marriage? no? why would it?Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: DebitMe on May 17, 2016, 05:28:18 PM I love the idea of marriage and what it means for two people, I hate what the wedding industry has done to it. My wife and I got married last September and I am extremely happy and fortunate to have her in my life. We wanted our friends and family to celebrate our decision to love one another unconditionally forever, but that has a huge cost.
The people who are involved in weddings have comparable skills in my eyes to someone doing menial labor jobs, so why on earth does it cost 3k+ for someone to take a few pictures? I understand it is more than a few pictures and they have to spend hours touching them up and making them look pretty, but lets get serious. This is someone who bought a camera and decided they could be a photographer. It is absolutely insane that a cake costs almost a thousand dollars. We decided to just get a small 2 tier cake and 2 sheet cakes which stall ran almost 400 dollars, absolutely ridiculous for freaking cake. I halfway understand catering costs, since there is a lot of prep time and work time put into the event, but sometimes it still gets ridiculous. Ring costs are absolutely ridiculous, diamonds are fairly common outside of the United States but the big name jewelers have made it so only so many can be imported per year, driving the price to insane levels. And probably the worst of all is the event space. I fully have a plan to buy as many barns as humanly possible and rent them out for weddings. We ended up paying almost 2 grand for a community center! Next closest venue was over 4k and it only went up from there, just for a barn or room or something stupid like that. Another terrible thing is for a DJ. Our DJ cost about 400 dollars and was supposed to play from 5 to 11. That is over 60 dollars an hour for someone who just hits another song on their IPOD. Guests started showing up at 430 to 445 and my mom asked if he could start playing some light music to entertain people since he had everything set up and was just standing there and he said, verbatim, "My contract doesn't start until 5". Get the F over yourself dude! You are a high school drop out who pushes next on an IPOD. Just play a damn song. That is some of the major costs for a wedding, but don't forget the smaller costs that add up such as dresses and tuxes and gifts and rehearsal dinners and gifts for those coming from out of town at their hotels, and I am sure 100 other things I am forgetting. The problem is that we have convinced these people who have no real marketable skills that they are in high demand for weddings and we have convinced ourselves that they are needed and there is no other way. I would have been absolutely fine substituting half that stuff out and saving close to 10 to 15 grand on the whole thing. But until that starts to happen, prices will continuously go up to help support the ego's of people who think they are marketable because we tell them that they are. Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: adamstgBit on May 17, 2016, 05:40:45 PM ... not really, i was just trying to think of reasons anyone would want to throw their money/freedom away on an expensive farce.. the idea is that you want to have a special day where you celebrate your love. same kind of idea as wanting to travel the world and go sightseeing. Investing in a memories? you can consider it a waste of money ( i do ) but i think most poeple will disagree. my problem with marriage is 2 fold. 1) expensive, the idea of blowing huge amount of savings on 1 day makes me panic. 2) legally binding, signing on the dotted line is a big deal, with consequences if things dont work out a few years down the line... it feels like i'm signing away certain freedoms, and for what? as "proof of love" ??? HUH?! Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: adamstgBit on May 17, 2016, 05:45:26 PM I love the idea of marriage and what it means for two people, I hate what the wedding industry has done to it. My wife and I got married last September and I am extremely happy and fortunate to have her in my life. We wanted our friends and family to celebrate our decision to love one another unconditionally forever, but that has a huge cost. The people who are involved in weddings have comparable skills in my eyes to someone doing menial labor jobs, so why on earth does it cost 3k+ for someone to take a few pictures? I understand it is more than a few pictures and they have to spend hours touching them up and making them look pretty, but lets get serious. This is someone who bought a camera and decided they could be a photographer. It is absolutely insane that a cake costs almost a thousand dollars. We decided to just get a small 2 tier cake and 2 sheet cakes which stall ran almost 400 dollars, absolutely ridiculous for freaking cake. I halfway understand catering costs, since there is a lot of prep time and work time put into the event, but sometimes it still gets ridiculous. Ring costs are absolutely ridiculous, diamonds are fairly common outside of the United States but the big name jewelers have made it so only so many can be imported per year, driving the price to insane levels. And probably the worst of all is the event space. I fully have a plan to buy as many barns as humanly possible and rent them out for weddings. We ended up paying almost 2 grand for a community center! Next closest venue was over 4k and it only went up from there, just for a barn or room or something stupid like that. Another terrible thing is for a DJ. Our DJ cost about 400 dollars and was supposed to play from 5 to 11. That is over 60 dollars an hour for someone who just hits another song on their IPOD. Guests started showing up at 430 to 445 and my mom asked if he could start playing some light music to entertain people since he had everything set up and was just standing there and he said, verbatim, "My contract doesn't start until 5". Get the F over yourself dude! You are a high school drop out who pushes next on an IPOD. Just play a damn song. That is some of the major costs for a wedding, but don't forget the smaller costs that add up such as dresses and tuxes and gifts and rehearsal dinners and gifts for those coming from out of town at their hotels, and I am sure 100 other things I am forgetting. The problem is that we have convinced these people who have no real marketable skills that they are in high demand for weddings and we have convinced ourselves that they are needed and there is no other way. I would have been absolutely fine substituting half that stuff out and saving close to 10 to 15 grand on the whole thing. But until that starts to happen, prices will continuously go up to help support the ego's of people who think they are marketable because we tell them that they are. http://t09.deviantart.net/qTgnokCDOhN_MwdjAxxpUDHt6_Y=/300x200/filters:fixed_height(100,100):origin()/pre06/5397/th/pre/f/2012/222/1/6/doctor_who_oh_shit_face_by_justcallmejash-d5amr17.png Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: DebitMe on May 17, 2016, 05:48:20 PM I love the idea of marriage and what it means for two people, I hate what the wedding industry has done to it. My wife and I got married last September and I am extremely happy and fortunate to have her in my life. We wanted our friends and family to celebrate our decision to love one another unconditionally forever, but that has a huge cost. The people who are involved in weddings have comparable skills in my eyes to someone doing menial labor jobs, so why on earth does it cost 3k+ for someone to take a few pictures? I understand it is more than a few pictures and they have to spend hours touching them up and making them look pretty, but lets get serious. This is someone who bought a camera and decided they could be a photographer. It is absolutely insane that a cake costs almost a thousand dollars. We decided to just get a small 2 tier cake and 2 sheet cakes which stall ran almost 400 dollars, absolutely ridiculous for freaking cake. I halfway understand catering costs, since there is a lot of prep time and work time put into the event, but sometimes it still gets ridiculous. Ring costs are absolutely ridiculous, diamonds are fairly common outside of the United States but the big name jewelers have made it so only so many can be imported per year, driving the price to insane levels. And probably the worst of all is the event space. I fully have a plan to buy as many barns as humanly possible and rent them out for weddings. We ended up paying almost 2 grand for a community center! Next closest venue was over 4k and it only went up from there, just for a barn or room or something stupid like that. Another terrible thing is for a DJ. Our DJ cost about 400 dollars and was supposed to play from 5 to 11. That is over 60 dollars an hour for someone who just hits another song on their IPOD. Guests started showing up at 430 to 445 and my mom asked if he could start playing some light music to entertain people since he had everything set up and was just standing there and he said, verbatim, "My contract doesn't start until 5". Get the F over yourself dude! You are a high school drop out who pushes next on an IPOD. Just play a damn song. That is some of the major costs for a wedding, but don't forget the smaller costs that add up such as dresses and tuxes and gifts and rehearsal dinners and gifts for those coming from out of town at their hotels, and I am sure 100 other things I am forgetting. The problem is that we have convinced these people who have no real marketable skills that they are in high demand for weddings and we have convinced ourselves that they are needed and there is no other way. I would have been absolutely fine substituting half that stuff out and saving close to 10 to 15 grand on the whole thing. But until that starts to happen, prices will continuously go up to help support the ego's of people who think they are marketable because we tell them that they are. http://t09.deviantart.net/qTgnokCDOhN_MwdjAxxpUDHt6_Y=/300x200/filters:fixed_height(100,100):origin()/pre06/5397/th/pre/f/2012/222/1/6/doctor_who_oh_shit_face_by_justcallmejash-d5amr17.png Don't forget you get a lot of presents though. We received back in cash/checks/returns about what we spent on the wedding. Plus all the stuff we didn't return. (we had some help from both sets of parents for the wedding, so we got back about what we personally spent on it). Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: adamstgBit on May 17, 2016, 05:52:28 PM Don't forget you get a lot of presents though. We received back in cash/checks/returns about what we spent on the wedding. Plus all the stuff we didn't return. (we had some help from both sets of parents for the wedding, so we got back about what we personally spent on it). oh right i guess that helps so the money aspect might not be AS bad as simply burning 10K for show. i still have a panicky feeling. i'm not sure i can do this thing... Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: edgar on May 17, 2016, 05:58:22 PM so even more ppl throwing their hard-earned money away than just the happy couple!
do what you want, but you ask for advice - mine is dont ignore your inner voice. or the previous post. 1000 dollar cake!! 3000 dollar photographs!! 500 dollar ipod dj!! 2000 dollar venue!! 6000 dollar honeymoon!! 3000 dollar ring!! (youll be lucky to get one worth 1000, cos ur only a stinky man) god, im bored already - go for it, its true love etc maybe you can pay some retarded juice vapers to come and 'vape-off' the event, a few more hundred dollars for weird dry-ice effect AND the bonus of having more spastics leeching off your hard earned fiat its not like the money could go towards a house or a childs schooling or anything... er.... Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: adamstgBit on May 17, 2016, 06:12:04 PM i hear you,
it pisses me off as well of course the money could be better spend. but being with this person implies this marriage deal. its a hard and complex decision.... she's not asking for somthing extraordinary, i am by not wanting marriage. Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: adamstgBit on May 17, 2016, 06:31:33 PM when you love a person but one says "we get married or we break up" while the other says " my problem with marriage is two fold ", its a damn shame...
Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: vokain on May 17, 2016, 08:56:40 PM Considering that scale, a wedding doesn't really cost that much. true ~100 people wedding is small ( maybe on the larger spectrum of "small wedding"?? )but if selling your left kidney wont cover the cost... i think its considered "expensive". What if we figured out anti-aging and you could live forever? Does that change your views on marriage? no? why would it?Good, then can you just tell her that you want to plan it right to do it right, at the right time? Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: adamstgBit on May 18, 2016, 12:43:34 AM Considering that scale, a wedding doesn't really cost that much. true ~100 people wedding is small ( maybe on the larger spectrum of "small wedding"?? )but if selling your left kidney wont cover the cost... i think its considered "expensive". What if we figured out anti-aging and you could live forever? Does that change your views on marriage? no? why would it?Good, then can you just tell her that you want to plan it right to do it right, at the right time? she understands that i'm not ready for marriage right now, but she thinks i might change my mind.... she says that either we end up getting married or we break up. so i'm kinda forced to conclude the only thing left for me to do is break up... Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: vokain on May 18, 2016, 01:06:46 AM Considering that scale, a wedding doesn't really cost that much. true ~100 people wedding is small ( maybe on the larger spectrum of "small wedding"?? )but if selling your left kidney wont cover the cost... i think its considered "expensive". What if we figured out anti-aging and you could live forever? Does that change your views on marriage? no? why would it?Good, then can you just tell her that you want to plan it right to do it right, at the right time? she understands that i'm not ready for marriage right now, but she thinks i might change my mind.... she says that either we end up getting married or we break up. so i'm kinda forced to conclude the only thing left for me to do is break up... Yikes, ultimatum :P "If you're not too long, I will wait for you all my life." Why does she want to get married? Also, probably relatedly, what if she left you (because you weren't "ready right now")? Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: electronicash on May 18, 2016, 01:22:58 AM If you think you'd not live up to 65 then don't marry. Let the people around you bury you somewhere or burn your corpse. but if you intend to live up to 65 and up, you might wanna marry so you'd have someone beside you, its a lonely life out there when you're that old. check your old man.
Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: adamstgBit on May 18, 2016, 01:42:11 AM If you think you'd not live up to 65 then don't marry. Let the people around you bury you somewhere or burn your corpse. but if you intend to live up to 65 and up, you might wanna marry so you'd have someone beside you, its a lonely life out there when you're that old. check your old man. after 65 nobody dates anymore?if you're not married you're necessarily alone? why can't i just have a GF that i dont marry? Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: adamstgBit on May 18, 2016, 01:45:56 AM Considering that scale, a wedding doesn't really cost that much. true ~100 people wedding is small ( maybe on the larger spectrum of "small wedding"?? )but if selling your left kidney wont cover the cost... i think its considered "expensive". What if we figured out anti-aging and you could live forever? Does that change your views on marriage? no? why would it?Good, then can you just tell her that you want to plan it right to do it right, at the right time? she understands that i'm not ready for marriage right now, but she thinks i might change my mind.... she says that either we end up getting married or we break up. so i'm kinda forced to conclude the only thing left for me to do is break up... Yikes, ultimatum :P "If you're not too long, I will wait for you all my life." Why does she want to get married? Also, probably relatedly, what if she left you (because you weren't "ready right now")? getting married is one of her "life goals". in a year or two if i'm still saying "not ready right now" i imagine she would leave me. i have months to think about this ultimatum. Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: edgar on May 18, 2016, 01:56:34 AM absolutely ridiculous - people have a million ways to justify it and zero ways to explain it.
almost exactly like religion itself. we (and particularly women) have been conditioned to accept - and pay for, a fantasy. if she cant accept a registry office wedding - does she really want to be married or just a pretend princess for a day? on another note, if she is willing to cover ALL costs, would you be happy with that? i'd still call it insane. Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: vokain on May 18, 2016, 02:01:11 AM I was reading this yesterday
https://www.reddit.com/r/guns/comments/4jmegf/buyers_remorse_whats_your_biggest_mistake_in_the/ :-\ Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: vokain on May 18, 2016, 02:06:59 AM Considering that scale, a wedding doesn't really cost that much. true ~100 people wedding is small ( maybe on the larger spectrum of "small wedding"?? )but if selling your left kidney wont cover the cost... i think its considered "expensive". What if we figured out anti-aging and you could live forever? Does that change your views on marriage? no? why would it?Good, then can you just tell her that you want to plan it right to do it right, at the right time? she understands that i'm not ready for marriage right now, but she thinks i might change my mind.... she says that either we end up getting married or we break up. so i'm kinda forced to conclude the only thing left for me to do is break up... Yikes, ultimatum :P "If you're not too long, I will wait for you all my life." Why does she want to get married? Also, probably relatedly, what if she left you (because you weren't "ready right now")? getting married is one of her "life goals". in a year or two if i'm still saying "not ready right now" i imagine she would leave me. i have months to think about this ultimatum. If she left you just because you weren't ready, isn't that kind of on her?... Maybe she's just afraid you don't really love her or something because you don't (yet) know if you want to marry her, which is BS but understandable, and probably something that can be talked through Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: adamstgBit on May 18, 2016, 02:24:59 AM Considering that scale, a wedding doesn't really cost that much. true ~100 people wedding is small ( maybe on the larger spectrum of "small wedding"?? )but if selling your left kidney wont cover the cost... i think its considered "expensive". What if we figured out anti-aging and you could live forever? Does that change your views on marriage? no? why would it?Good, then can you just tell her that you want to plan it right to do it right, at the right time? she understands that i'm not ready for marriage right now, but she thinks i might change my mind.... she says that either we end up getting married or we break up. so i'm kinda forced to conclude the only thing left for me to do is break up... Yikes, ultimatum :P "If you're not too long, I will wait for you all my life." Why does she want to get married? Also, probably relatedly, what if she left you (because you weren't "ready right now")? getting married is one of her "life goals". in a year or two if i'm still saying "not ready right now" i imagine she would leave me. i have months to think about this ultimatum. If she left you just because you weren't ready, isn't that kind of on her?... Maybe she's just afraid you don't really love her or something because you don't (yet) know if you want to marry her, which is BS but understandable, and probably something that can be talked through doesn't really matter whose "fault" it is if we do split up. I can stall for a few more years saying things like " I really do love you but we have other more pressing needs for our money and i wana do our wedding right, lets just wait a few more years " or somthing to that effect but i'm pretty sure i am simply delaying the inevitable, which is saying "i do" or break up. I will be able to delay getting married but i cannot stop it, it is inevitable, we end up married or broken up, there is no "talking things out". thats the deal. do i want to buy a house with someone that will end up breaking up with me because i dont want to marry? fuck no our relationship can't progress if i can't commit to this marriage. I need to make up my mind the sooner the better and act accordingly If i can't at least propose to her within 9 months, I need to break up. Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: adamstgBit on May 18, 2016, 02:33:10 AM and i'm fairly certain i will NOT be able to propose within that time frame or any fucking time frame.
so basically i have a few months left with her until i can't delay any further and i MUST come clean say somthing like " today i moved out all my stuff from your place, as much as i love you we both want different things and because of that we could never really work out, i'm sorry it had to be this way, i mean if only your head wasn't so damn hard... grrr.... i'm sorry... goodbye." is that good? Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: adamstgBit on May 18, 2016, 02:43:08 AM absolutely ridiculous - people have a million ways to justify it and zero ways to explain it. almost exactly like religion itself. we (and particularly women) have been conditioned to accept - and pay for, a fantasy. if she cant accept a registry office wedding - does she really want to be married or just a pretend princess for a day? on another note, if she is willing to cover ALL costs, would you be happy with that? i'd still call it insane. my terms would be she pays half we aren't going all out, we're just throwing the most expensive party of our lives simply to celebrate like mad fools. and i dont sign any fucking documents! Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: vokain on May 18, 2016, 02:47:33 AM and i'm fairly certain i will NOT be able to propose within that time frame or any fucking time frame. so basically i have a few months left with her until i can't delay any further and i MUST come clean say somthing like " today i moved out all my stuff from your place, as much as i love you we both want different things and because of that we could never really work out, i'm sorry it had to be this way, i mean if only your head wasn't so damn hard... grrr.... i'm sorry... goodbye." is that good? Whoa, drastic for my tastes as I tend more towards Wu-Wei, but I support you either way "I can't marry you if you're [seemingly] forcing me to marry you" seems a little more concise :p Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: arseaboy on May 18, 2016, 02:47:57 AM absolutely ridiculous - people have a million ways to justify it and zero ways to explain it. almost exactly like religion itself. we (and particularly women) have been conditioned to accept - and pay for, a fantasy. if she cant accept a registry office wedding - does she really want to be married or just a pretend princess for a day? on another note, if she is willing to cover ALL costs, would you be happy with that? i'd still call it insane. my terms would be she pays half we aren't going all out, we're just throwing the most expensive party of our lives simply to celebrate like mad fools. and i dont sign any fucking documents! Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: adamstgBit on May 18, 2016, 02:50:49 AM i just asked her, and she isn't willing to get married but not signing any papers...
" huh? thats the whole point of getting married, it must be legely binding " the clock is ticking i'm fucked Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: edgar on May 18, 2016, 02:58:20 AM would she be happy with a legally binding registry office wedding?
would you? if so - 'pop the question' on her next birthday as an aside, my current s.o of 7 yrs asks at least once a year but its her family who are pushing (for the dowry) i laugh and say firmly - no way! i like my freedom of choice Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: vokain on May 18, 2016, 02:59:19 AM i just asked her, and she isn't willing to get married but not signing any papers... " huh? thats the whole point of getting married, it must be legely binding " the clock is ticking i'm fucked :D Always fucked, my friend Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: Arrakeen on May 18, 2016, 03:03:40 AM i just asked her, and she isn't willing to get married but not signing any papers... " huh? thats the whole point of getting married, it must be legely binding " the clock is ticking i'm fucked Jesus christ man, are you just making this thread to increase your post count? Because nobody in their right mind deserves to be whipped like this. And you already know what the right answer to your predicament is; nothing that will be said in this thread will change your mind, and you know that. You're literally setting yourself up to be taken advantage of, and practically defending it. Is this the first girl you've ever been with? Has she even taken your virginity? Let me guess, she's 'waiting until marriage'? ::) You're going along with this psycho's delusion of 'marriage' being all about her. At what point has she ever thought about the event being about both of you, rather than just 'me me me me me' I would give you legitimate advice, but I already know you're just going to brush everything aside and follow her every command, whether you like it or not... ...when the day does come where you say 'enough is enough', I'll be here to give you serious help. Just PM me or something :) what if we get married and she changes and like becomes a bitch. i've got news for you, bro...seems like you don't need to get married for this to happen Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: adamstgBit on May 18, 2016, 03:15:35 AM would she be happy with a legally binding registry office wedding? no way. she wants the full packagewould you? idk i dont think so, signing this dotted line is just as crazy as spending 15K on one night IMO.as an aside, my current s.o of 7 yrs asks at least once a year but its her family who are pushing (for the dowry) i laugh and say firmly - no way! i like my freedom of choice good for you. typical when my s.o asks it leads to a fight, we i dont think i can hold off very long, i'm gonna be forced to commit to it or leave. Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: edgar on May 18, 2016, 05:56:45 AM agree to my terms or we're fighting!!!!
LOL, go for it!! are you willing to show us a pic of the special lady? IS SHE YOUR FIRST?? Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: Goms on May 18, 2016, 06:33:57 AM I don't think the lady will walk out on you because you do not want an expensive wedding.
She might threaten to leave, but it's just talk; she will come back. Go to a marriage registery, get married without breaking the bank, and let her know that you are not changing your mind about that, period. Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: adamstgBit on May 18, 2016, 12:13:26 PM agree to my terms or we're fighting!!!! LOL, go for it!! are you willing to show us a pic of the special lady? IS SHE YOUR FIRST?? shes not my first... i came out of a 7 yr relationship and met her i have 2 kids she has 1 kid we both have lots in common. she's not a "crazy bitch" i know crazy bitch, my ex was that. she's not perfect, but all in all "it" works quite well.. if i break up with her because i'm unwilling to marry, who's to say the next girl won't make similar demands? I don't think the lady will walk out on you because you do not want an expensive wedding. She might threaten to leave, but it's just talk; she will come back. Go to a marriage registery, get married without breaking the bank, and let her know that you are not changing your mind about that, period. i'm not sure a compromise is possible... its more than just talk. this is the deal. but i'm not ready to make any compromise right now, and i'm not sure i ever will be. I guess i'm going to avoid the topic a while longer as i mull over my limited options. Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: adamstgBit on May 18, 2016, 12:28:54 PM Quote 94 percent of female respondents, agreed that marriage is definitely something they want. :-\what are the chances i'll find a girl that is tall smokes has no dog and no interest in getting a dog has a head on her shoulders and doesn't want to marry. Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: Blackmet on May 18, 2016, 01:54:28 PM I really think that after marrigae nothing will change, really, it's just a waste of money. Better to spend this money on trip with your GF somewhere.
Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: DebitMe on May 18, 2016, 03:44:16 PM Don't forget that you can start filing jointly on your tax return if you get married. There are some savings right there depending on each of your tax brackets. +1 for go for it.
Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: adamstgBit on May 18, 2016, 03:57:55 PM Don't forget that you can start filing jointly on your tax return if you get married. There are some savings right there depending on each of your tax brackets. +1 for go for it. we can do that without getting marriedwe simply change our marital status to common law. Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: Arrakeen on May 20, 2016, 06:23:43 PM Quote 94 percent of female respondents, agreed that marriage is definitely something they want. :-\what are the chances i'll find a girl that is tall smokes has no dog and no interest in getting a dog has a head on her shoulders and doesn't want to marry. If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? How old is she? Because I'm just shy of 30 and have never dated anyone that even discusses marriage... If those are your prerequisites for a woman, I think you're just choosing the wrong ones... Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: adamstgBit on May 21, 2016, 12:57:34 AM Quote 94 percent of female respondents, agreed that marriage is definitely something they want. :-\what are the chances i'll find a girl that is tall smokes has no dog and no interest in getting a dog has a head on her shoulders and doesn't want to marry. If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? How old is she? Because I'm just shy of 30 and have never dated anyone that even discusses marriage... If those are your prerequisites for a woman, I think you're just choosing the wrong ones... i'm 28 she's 27 whats wrong with my prerequisites? Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: Arrakeen on May 21, 2016, 01:18:03 AM Quote 94 percent of female respondents, agreed that marriage is definitely something they want. :-\what are the chances i'll find a girl that is tall smokes has no dog and no interest in getting a dog has a head on her shoulders and doesn't want to marry. If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? How old is she? Because I'm just shy of 30 and have never dated anyone that even discusses marriage... If those are your prerequisites for a woman, I think you're just choosing the wrong ones... i'm 28 she's 27 whats wrong with my prerequisites? LOL nothings wrong with them! I meant choosing the wrong women. I meant since you aren't holding anyone to some impossible standard, it shouldn't be that hard to find a girl whom isn't interested in getting married. I mean, even the majority of women I talk to as friends/co-workers/etc. who are Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: adamstgBit on May 21, 2016, 01:50:40 AM Quote 94 percent of female respondents, agreed that marriage is definitely something they want. :-\what are the chances i'll find a girl that is tall smokes has no dog and no interest in getting a dog has a head on her shoulders and doesn't want to marry. If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? How old is she? Because I'm just shy of 30 and have never dated anyone that even discusses marriage... If those are your prerequisites for a woman, I think you're just choosing the wrong ones... i'm 28 she's 27 whats wrong with my prerequisites? LOL nothings wrong with them! I meant choosing the wrong women. I meant since you aren't holding anyone to some impossible standard, it shouldn't be that hard to find a girl whom isn't interested in getting married. I mean, even the majority of women I talk to as friends/co-workers/etc. who are but my list is fairly hard to fulfill when you take into account the other person needs to be able to tolerate me. :D oh idk i think i'll have to break up with her sooner rather than later. there are other issues at play. its not a simple matter. one thing is clear tho, i shouldn't marry someone if i dont really want to, and i'm "just doing it for her" Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: BARR_Official on May 21, 2016, 02:23:54 AM i just asked her, and she isn't willing to get married but not signing any papers... " huh? thats the whole point of getting married, it must be legely binding " What is legally binding about a marriage, for the woman? She can leave you whenever she wants, take the house, take the kids, and there are no legal consequences for her. So she means it has to be legally binding for you. Since the rules don't apply to her, you're the only one legally getting married. Therefore it should be your choice, and she should pay for everything. Because marriage is a contract saying that you have to pay for everything for the rest of your life. But since both of you already have kids, what's the point? Marriage is 100% based on where babies come from. A man and a woman agree that they will live together and sleep together, because that's where babies come from. They promise never to leave each other, so that the woman won't be stuck pregnant or with kids and nobody to support them. They promise never to sleep with anyone else, so the man knows the kids will be his, and so the woman knows he won't be out spending time and money on another woman and her kids instead. And you invite everyone you know, and the preacher says "Nobody else sleep with these two people." That way, nobody can claim they didn't know the deal. So if one of you breaks the rules, the other one is free to leave. But that's not how it works anymore. She can spend all your money on drugs, and then she can screw 10 different guys, and all her friends and family will say it's your fault. She can get pregnant by another guy, and even if everyone knows it's not yours, the courts will still make you pay "child support". But after she kicks you out of the house and gets a restraining order against you, you'll have to keep paying the mortgage plus your own rent at your new place. Then if you can't afford all of that plus the "child support", you'll lose your driver's license and go to jail. Those are a few of the risks. What are the benefits for you? Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: squabblegrill on May 21, 2016, 02:46:27 AM After reading the OP, it's like "Are you investing more than (to her)you can afford to lose?"
Why don't you get rid that demanding girl and become a single once again until you find a better woman than your current fiance. I don't think you'll ever truly be ready for marriage, but it's something you go into and learn along the way. I think it's easier for men to hold off marriage, so I would say that if you want to wait make sure you spend your time to her, make a better decision to yourself ( just find another woman). ;) Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: edgar on May 21, 2016, 06:37:25 AM i just asked her, and she isn't willing to get married but not signing any papers... " huh? thats the whole point of getting married, it must be legely binding " What is legally binding about a marriage, for the woman? She can leave you whenever she wants, take the house, take the kids, and there are no legal consequences for her. So she means it has to be legally binding for you. Since the rules don't apply to her, you're the only one legally getting married. Therefore it should be your choice, and she should pay for everything. Because marriage is a contract saying that you have to pay for everything for the rest of your life. But since both of you already have kids, what's the point? Marriage is 100% based on where babies come from. A man and a woman agree that they will live together and sleep together, because that's where babies come from. They promise never to leave each other, so that the woman won't be stuck pregnant or with kids and nobody to support them. They promise never to sleep with anyone else, so the man knows the kids will be his, and so the woman knows he won't be out spending time and money on another woman and her kids instead. And you invite everyone you know, and the preacher says "Nobody else sleep with these two people." That way, nobody can claim they didn't know the deal. So if one of you breaks the rules, the other one is free to leave. But that's not how it works anymore. She can spend all your money on drugs, and then she can screw 10 different guys, and all her friends and family will say it's your fault. She can get pregnant by another guy, and even if everyone knows it's not yours, the courts will still make you pay "child support". But after she kicks you out of the house and gets a restraining order against you, you'll have to keep paying the mortgage plus your own rent at your new place. Then if you can't afford all of that plus the "child support", you'll lose your driver's license and go to jail. Those are a few of the risks. What are the benefits for you? Thank You for putting it so eloquently - i struggle with the idea, let alone putting it into words! If we could do to them, what the law and society permits them to do to us(apart from the dim princess cosplay bit), how many of them would still want it ? Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: ukasyah on May 22, 2016, 02:45:17 AM marriage is not a way to get happiness, but thing you need to experience in life (my professor words)
Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: nelsledma on May 22, 2016, 07:37:40 AM Wedding is important for life
Title: Re: Wedding talk a guys point of view. Post by: adamstgBit on May 23, 2016, 03:01:37 PM marriage is not a way to get happiness, but thing you need to experience in life (my professor words) misery loves company.Wedding is important for life why? |
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