Wedding talk a guys point of view.

[adamstgBit]

... $_$

Don't forget you get a lot of presents though.  We received back in cash/checks/returns about what we spent on the wedding.  Plus all the stuff we didn't return.  (we had some help from both sets of parents for the wedding, so we got back about what we personally spent on it).

oh right i guess that helps
so the money aspect might not be AS bad as simply burning 10K for show.

i still have a panicky feeling.
i'm not sure i can do this thing...

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[edgar]

so even more ppl throwing their hard-earned money away than just the happy couple!

do what you want, but you ask for advice - mine is dont ignore your inner voice. or the previous post.

1000 dollar cake!!

3000 dollar photographs!!

500 dollar ipod dj!!

2000 dollar venue!!

6000 dollar honeymoon!!

3000 dollar ring!! (youll be lucky to get one worth 1000, cos ur only a stinky man)

god, im bored already - go for it, its true love etc

maybe you can pay some retarded juice vapers to come and 'vape-off' the event, a few more hundred dollars for weird dry-ice effect AND  the bonus of having more spastics leeching off your hard earned fiat

its not like the money could go towards a house or a childs schooling or anything... er....

[adamstgBit]

i hear you,
it pisses me off as well of course the money could be better spend.
but being with this person implies this marriage deal.
its a hard and complex decision....
she's not asking for somthing extraordinary, i am by not wanting marriage.

[adamstgBit]

when you love a person but one says "we get married or we break up" while the other says " my problem with marriage is two fold ", its a damn shame...

[vokain]

Considering that scale, a wedding doesn't really cost that much.

true ~100 people wedding is small ( maybe on the larger spectrum of "small wedding"?? )
but if selling your left kidney wont cover the cost... i think its considered "expensive".

What if we figured out anti-aging and you could live forever? Does that change your views on marriage?

no? why would it?

Good, then can you just tell her that you want to plan it right to do it right, at the right time?

[adamstgBit]

Considering that scale, a wedding doesn't really cost that much.

true ~100 people wedding is small ( maybe on the larger spectrum of "small wedding"?? )
but if selling your left kidney wont cover the cost... i think its considered "expensive".

What if we figured out anti-aging and you could live forever? Does that change your views on marriage?

no? why would it?

Good, then can you just tell her that you want to plan it right to do it right, at the right time?

she already knows i dont really want to get married.
she understands that i'm not ready for marriage right now, but she thinks i might change my mind....
she says that either we end up getting married or we break up.
so i'm kinda forced to conclude the only thing left for me to do is break up...

[vokain]

Considering that scale, a wedding doesn't really cost that much.

true ~100 people wedding is small ( maybe on the larger spectrum of "small wedding"?? )
but if selling your left kidney wont cover the cost... i think its considered "expensive".

What if we figured out anti-aging and you could live forever? Does that change your views on marriage?

no? why would it?

Good, then can you just tell her that you want to plan it right to do it right, at the right time?

she already knows i dont really want to get married.
she understands that i'm not ready for marriage right now, but she thinks i might change my mind....
she says that either we end up getting married or we break up.
so i'm kinda forced to conclude the only thing left for me to do is break up...

Yikes, ultimatum

  "If you're not too long, I will wait for you all my life."

Why does she want to get married?

Also, probably relatedly, what if she left you (because you weren't "ready right now")?

[electronicash]

If you think you'd not live up to 65 then don't marry. Let the people around you bury you somewhere or burn your corpse.  but if you intend to live up to 65 and up, you might wanna marry so you'd have someone beside you, its a lonely life out there when you're that old. check your old man.

[adamstgBit]

If you think you'd not live up to 65 then don't marry. Let the people around you bury you somewhere or burn your corpse.  but if you intend to live up to 65 and up, you might wanna marry so you'd have someone beside you, its a lonely life out there when you're that old. check your old man.

after 65 nobody dates anymore?
if you're not married you're necessarily alone?
why can't i just have a GF that i dont marry?

[adamstgBit]

Considering that scale, a wedding doesn't really cost that much.

true ~100 people wedding is small ( maybe on the larger spectrum of "small wedding"?? )
but if selling your left kidney wont cover the cost... i think its considered "expensive".

What if we figured out anti-aging and you could live forever? Does that change your views on marriage?

no? why would it?

Good, then can you just tell her that you want to plan it right to do it right, at the right time?

she already knows i dont really want to get married.
she understands that i'm not ready for marriage right now, but she thinks i might change my mind....
she says that either we end up getting married or we break up.
so i'm kinda forced to conclude the only thing left for me to do is break up...

Yikes, ultimatum

  "If you're not too long, I will wait for you all my life."

Why does she want to get married?

Also, probably relatedly, what if she left you (because you weren't "ready right now")?

getting married is one of her "life goals".

in a year or two if i'm still saying "not ready right now" i imagine she would leave me.

i have months to think about this ultimatum.

[edgar]

absolutely ridiculous - people have a million ways to justify it and zero ways to explain it.

almost exactly like religion itself.

we (and particularly women) have been conditioned to accept - and pay for, a fantasy.

if she cant accept a registry office wedding - does she really want to be married or just a pretend princess for a day?

on another note, if she is willing to cover ALL costs, would you be happy with that?

i'd still call it insane.

[vokain]

I was reading this yesterday

https://www.reddit.com/r/guns/comments/4jmegf/buyers_remorse_whats_your_biggest_mistake_in_the/

 

[vokain]

Considering that scale, a wedding doesn't really cost that much.

true ~100 people wedding is small ( maybe on the larger spectrum of "small wedding"?? )
but if selling your left kidney wont cover the cost... i think its considered "expensive".

What if we figured out anti-aging and you could live forever? Does that change your views on marriage?

no? why would it?

Good, then can you just tell her that you want to plan it right to do it right, at the right time?

she already knows i dont really want to get married.
she understands that i'm not ready for marriage right now, but she thinks i might change my mind....
she says that either we end up getting married or we break up.
so i'm kinda forced to conclude the only thing left for me to do is break up...

Yikes, ultimatum

  "If you're not too long, I will wait for you all my life."

Why does she want to get married?

Also, probably relatedly, what if she left you (because you weren't "ready right now")?

getting married is one of her "life goals".

in a year or two if i'm still saying "not ready right now" i imagine she would leave me.

i have months to think about this ultimatum.

If she left you just because you weren't ready, isn't that kind of on her?...

Maybe she's just afraid you don't really love her or something because you don't (yet) know if you want to marry her, which is BS but understandable, and probably something that can be talked through

[adamstgBit]

Considering that scale, a wedding doesn't really cost that much.

true ~100 people wedding is small ( maybe on the larger spectrum of "small wedding"?? )
but if selling your left kidney wont cover the cost... i think its considered "expensive".

What if we figured out anti-aging and you could live forever? Does that change your views on marriage?

no? why would it?

Good, then can you just tell her that you want to plan it right to do it right, at the right time?

she already knows i dont really want to get married.
she understands that i'm not ready for marriage right now, but she thinks i might change my mind....
she says that either we end up getting married or we break up.
so i'm kinda forced to conclude the only thing left for me to do is break up...

Yikes, ultimatum

  "If you're not too long, I will wait for you all my life."

Why does she want to get married?

Also, probably relatedly, what if she left you (because you weren't "ready right now")?

getting married is one of her "life goals".

in a year or two if i'm still saying "not ready right now" i imagine she would leave me.

i have months to think about this ultimatum.

If she left you just because you weren't ready, isn't that kind of on her?...

Maybe she's just afraid you don't really love her or something because you don't (yet) know if you want to marry her, which is BS but understandable, and probably something that can be talked through

doesn't really matter whose "fault" it is if we do split up.

I can stall for a few more years saying things like " I really do love you but we have other more pressing needs for our money and i wana do our wedding right, lets just wait a few more years " or somthing to that effect
but i'm pretty sure i am simply delaying the inevitable, which is saying "i do" or  break up.
I will be able to delay getting married but i cannot stop it, it is inevitable, we end up married or broken up, there is no "talking things out". thats the deal.
do i want to buy a house with someone that will end up breaking up with me because i dont want to marry?
fuck no
our relationship can't progress if i can't commit to this marriage.
I need to make up my mind the sooner the better and act accordingly
If i can't at least propose to her within 9 months, I need to break up.

[adamstgBit]

and i'm fairly certain i will NOT be able to propose within that time frame or any fucking time frame.

so basically i have a few months left with her until i can't delay any further and i MUST come clean say somthing like

" today i moved out all my stuff from your place, as much as i love you we both want different things and because of that we could never really work out, i'm sorry it had to be this way, i mean if only your head wasn't so damn hard... grrr.... i'm sorry... goodbye."

is that good?

[adamstgBit]

absolutely ridiculous - people have a million ways to justify it and zero ways to explain it.

almost exactly like religion itself.

we (and particularly women) have been conditioned to accept - and pay for, a fantasy.

if she cant accept a registry office wedding - does she really want to be married or just a pretend princess for a day?

on another note, if she is willing to cover ALL costs, would you be happy with that?

i'd still call it insane.

my terms would be

she pays half
we aren't going all out, we're just throwing the most expensive party of our lives simply to celebrate like mad fools.
and i dont sign any fucking documents!

[vokain]

and i'm fairly certain i will NOT be able to propose within that time frame or any fucking time frame.

so basically i have a few months left with her until i can't delay any further and i MUST come clean say somthing like

" today i moved out all my stuff from your place, as much as i love you we both want different things and because of that we could never really work out, i'm sorry it had to be this way, i mean if only your head wasn't so damn hard... grrr.... i'm sorry... goodbye."

is that good?

Whoa, drastic for my tastes as I tend more towards Wu-Wei, but I support you either way

"I can't marry you if you're [seemingly] forcing me to marry you" seems a little more concise :p

[arseaboy]

absolutely ridiculous - people have a million ways to justify it and zero ways to explain it.

almost exactly like religion itself.

we (and particularly women) have been conditioned to accept - and pay for, a fantasy.

if she cant accept a registry office wedding - does she really want to be married or just a pretend princess for a day?

on another note, if she is willing to cover ALL costs, would you be happy with that?

i'd still call it insane.

my terms would be

she pays half
we aren't going all out, we're just throwing the most expensive party of our lives simply to celebrate like mad fools.
and i dont sign any fucking documents!

here in my country those expensive galore always tied up when you want to get married I like your point of view about wasting money sir I think it should not be like that because getting married is entering big obligation and you needed more money to start with so wasting it too something that you would  not benefits with is just a waste at all.

[adamstgBit]

i just asked her, and she isn't willing to get married but not signing any papers...

" huh? thats the whole point of getting married, it must be legely binding "

the clock is ticking

i'm fucked

[edgar]

would she be happy with a legally binding registry office wedding?

would you?

if so - 'pop the question' on her next birthday

as an aside, my current s.o of 7 yrs asks at least once a year but its her family who are pushing (for the dowry)

i laugh and say firmly - no way!

i like my freedom of choice