Hi. I am Tom Cruise. You might remember me from such films as Minority Report, Top Gun and that leaked Scientology video that went viral, and I'm here on behalf of Scientology and as an Earthly representative of L Ron Hubbard himself to offer you a great investment opportunity that you simply cannot turn down! Firstly, I am the President, Founder and CEO of the one and only Bitecoin Bank of Scientology, and I can offer you the fantastic option to lend interest free cryptocoin, and to also buy shares and become an EXECUTIVE PRODUCER in one of my next films, which is called
“Untitled Les Grossman Project”. You can count on me because I am Tom Cruise and my films often gross in excess of 50 million dollars EACH! Just to give you an idea of the figures we're playing with here, please look at the gross profits for my last five films below:
Oblivion (2013): $30,00000
Jack Reacher (2012): $18,00000
Rock of Ages (2012): $15,00000
Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol (2011): $45,00000
Knight and Day (2010): $732
If you are still not convinced, watch this short video of me:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GNrB6qpmNwgThat soon could be you.
To buy shares and what you get in return is as follows:
1 Tom Cruise share = 1 Bitecoin which = 1 MILLION DOLLARS GURANTEED RETURN
2 Tom Cruise shares = 2 Bitecoins which = 2 MILLION DOLLARS GURANTEED RETURN
3 Tom Cruise shares = 3 Bitecoins which = 3 MILLION DOLLARS GURANTEED RETURN
4 Tom Cruise shares = 4 Bitecoins which = 4 MILLION DOLLARS GURANTEED RETURN
5 Tom Cruise shares = 5 Bitecoins which = 5 MILLION DOLLARS GURANTEED RETURN
To purchase shares and to become an Executive Producer in my film, please send coins to the following addresses:
For 1 share, please send 1 Bitecoin to: 1BxtA9j2qD9KZKnrihiuB7YmZT8rr6Rimh
For 1 share, please send 500 Litcoins to: LeGwkGcgB8piPgsLB4hiHoGHytGzVo57Tj
For 1 share, please send 1000 Feathercoins to: 6jMX3vHgmm43Z9Scg9ZeP7ixryk1f9cQum
For 1 share, please send 10000,0000000000 Finitecoins to: iPkMVrrPyh5MTqYLvU19mYYEyfYP3i92Tb
To purchase a loan, please send 10% collateral
* of the price you wish to lend to the above addresses.
* I was in a film called Collateral so I know what the fuck I'm talking about.
Example: You send 0.10 Bitecoins = you get an interest free 1 Bitecoin loan back. You can pay the Bank of Scientology back whenever you want, because unlike most banks, we actually trust our customers.
Do I look like a guy that would rip you off? I don't fucking think so.
So just ask yourself, do you want to become a Tom Cruise Bitecoin investor and have the face of a smug, self-satisfied multi-millionaire? If so, invest todayyyyyyyy!
Yours faithfully,
Mr Tom 'Fudge-Packer' Cruise.
P.S I am happy to answer any questions you may have, but I will not answer any questions about my marriages or sexuality and if you do you are gay and BARRED from investing and thus will not become a smug multi-millionaire.
FAQ:Is this some kind of pyramid or ponzi scam? Haha, no
Can I only buy one share? Haha, no.
Do I have to pay taxes on my return: Haha, no.
Do I accept paypal? Haha, no.
Am I gay? Haha, no.
Am I mental? Haha, no.
Is “Untitled Les Grossman Project” gonna be shit and bomb with the velocity of a concrete turd dropped from the very edge of space? Haha, no.
Will I actually see a return on my investment: Haha, no.
Should I invest in you? Haha, no
Am I really Tom Cruise? Haha, no.
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