Does anyone have any ideas on how to turn Bitcoins into USD and into my bank account instantly or at least extremely quickly?
You don't mention which bank you use.
Dwolla uses the ACH network, so that takes one to three days for moving funds from Dwolla to where they can be spent by you.
One method is to do a wire transfer from an exchange, but that is expensive. For any conversion of about $1K or less, wire transfer is a very expensive withdrawal method.
There is a service that will deposit cash into your bank account, but the list of banks they can do this for is limited:
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https://bitcointalk.org/index.php?topic=82983.0 There is another ACH withdrawal method. They have normal ACH (1 to 3 days), rush ACH (overnight in many instances, fee of $10), and wire transfer (overnight, fee fo $25).
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http://www.FastCash4Bitcoins.com You might find a local trade:
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http://www.LocalBitcoins.comYou could also get a reloadable debit card. For instance, the American Express prepaid card and the Western Union prepaid card -- both have no monthly fee, low or no ATM fee, etc. They can be loaded using MoneyPak, which you can buy using some exchange services. One loaded, funds can be withdawn at an ATM, or spent using the card, or transferred to a bank account. Here are MoneyPak vendors:
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http://www.BTCPak.com -
http://www.FastCash4Bitcoins.comThere might be other options for you. Here's a fairly comprehensive list:
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https://en.bitcoin.it/wiki/Selling_bitcoins