In fairly dire need of a $25k USD loan

[Kluge]

Woke up this morning to another 600BTC default after issuing a voluntary loan call. I need to buy out BDK.BND holders ASAP to remove my exposure to the extremely-scary currency risk I took out BTC loans to prevent in the first place.

My current CD-holders are owed ~$26.5k, for which I'll be paying with from a family loan. I'll be writing up my resume this morning and submitting it to just about every business within a 25-mile radius. Alternately, my dad offered a charity job at the manufacturing plant he works at. I'd prefer not to take that one, but it's open if I can't find employment somewhere else. Minimum wage laws in Michigan are completely fucked (in my favor if anyone hires), so my minimum pre-tax pay per week on 40 hours is ~$300. The charity job my dad offered would give me ~$400/wk pre-tax, ~$500/wk pre-tax after a probationary period I don't recall off the top of my head.

I'm willing to do 1% MPR on the USD loan with interest amortizing with payments on principal. The loan schedule I have in mind is the following:

$25000 lent to me in September
$250 pulse-check interest sent in October
$250 pulse-check interest sent in November
$250 pulse-check interest sent in December
$1500 each month from January to July. (at this point, available income for repayment will be augmented by $5k/mo draws from a 401(k) with $48k in it)
$5000 each month thereafter until the loan is fully repaid. The family loan should be repaid in July, which relieves me of that $3.5k-5.5k/mo burden. You would thus be repaid before the end of 2013, likely in November.

Current assets:
*$55k cash
*$48k 401(k)
*$65k residential property
*$2k car, $5k odds & ends
*200BTC
*355BTC in good loans
*6040BTC in defaulted loans
(TOTAL: ~$181k excl. defaulted loans -- ~$248k incl. defaulted loans)

Current liabilities:
*$5k CC debt
*$47k family loan ($20k of this gets paid on September 13th)
*~2400BTC owed to CD-holders (this will be paid for out of $55k cash on September 13th)
*~2000BTC owed to BDK.BND-holders
(TOTAL: ~$101k)

Current Equity (excl. defaulted loans) = ~$80k (+- $5k)

Proof of ID, account ownership, yada, yada, yada can be provided if interested. PM me.

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[Fluttershy]

I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.

[silverbox]

I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.

I couldn't resist.

I hope you get your loan Kluge.  Pirate seems to be taking down alot of peeps

[heatstroke]

Can i take the manufacturing job, since you don't want it?  Union jobs are awesome.

I don't suppose you could just disappear, pirate style.  That makes the most sense.

[BCB]

How old are you?

[Severian]

Current Equity (excl. defaulted loans) = ~$80k (+- $5k)

You need to liquidate what you can and get even without going into debt. Take the job you've been offered and pare down your lifestyle. The notion of taking on more debt to pay debts is a remnant of thinking left over from the post-Bretton Woods world that is now long gone.

I know you're asking for a loan, not advice. Only a vulture would give you a loan based upon your info. At least my advice isn't interest-bearing.

[Yolocoin]

Can i take the manufacturing job, since you don't want it?  Union jobs are awesome.

I don't suppose you could just disappear, pirate style.  That makes the most sense.

Yeah, we still haven't seen anyone get jailtime for stealing bitcoins.  Pulling out a fiat loan sounds like a fast-track ticket to jailtime.

[BorderBits]

So were all these scam operators insisting they weren't a scam because they were just too young and dumb to figure out that paying old investors with new investor's money isn't a feasible business model?  It's like they stumbled upon the idea of Ponzi and believed that it would really work because why on Earth would anyone stop investing with the returns provided?!?!?

Now some unemployed loser is looking for $25k.  That sure would be a smart investment. 

[heatstroke]

So were all these scam operators insisting they weren't a scam because they were just too young and dumb to figure out that paying old investors with new investor's money isn't a feasible business model?  It's like they stumbled upon the idea of Ponzi and believed that it would really work because why on Earth would anyone stop investing with the returns provided?!?!?

Now some unemployed loser is looking for $25k.  That sure would be a smart investment. 

There has to be someone on these forums arguing that ponzi schemes are perfectly safe investment vehicles, the government only outlawed them because they pose a threat to the GOVERNMENT'S CONTROL OF THE WORTHLESS FIAT CURRENCY MARKET.

At least dank is a loser with a plan.  That plan is "buy me a house, hookah bar and a car and when I'm a millionaire rockstar I'll pay you back with interest," but it's still a plan.

[Eisenhower34]

Do I understand this right, taking your $48k 401(k) / $65k residential property /$2k car out of your pool, because you cannot make them easily to money, you have already ~$30k and ~1500 BTC in liabilities. You have no job right now and passed a job offer of max $500 / month and you are asking for a $25k loan...

So ... how do you plan to pay back the dept? I dont see any regular income. Even those $250 for the first 3 months arent possible, at least not if you dont finance them with more loans...

[bitcoinbear]

Are you generating income from your bitcoin investments? Is it enough to pay back this loan?

[DeathAndTaxes]

At least dank is a loser with a plan.  That plan is "buy me a house, hookah bar and a car and when I'm a millionaire rockstar I'll pay you back with interest," but it's still a plan.

In dank defense his plans have been getting better.  I would be more likely to fund that, than to fund this "plan" which is pay for debt by taking on more debt.

[sturle]

*355BTC in good loans
*6040BTC in defaulted loans

Didn't the subprime mortgage crisis teach people anything?

[Vladimir]

At least dank is a loser with a plan.  That plan is "buy me a house, hookah bar and a car and when I'm a millionaire rockstar I'll pay you back with interest," but it's still a plan.

In dank defense his plans have been getting better.  I would be more likely to fund that, than to fund this "plan" which is pay for debt by taking on more debt.

He learns from the "best", Ben, Mervin and Mario would be proud.

[hashman]

try prosper.com or similar services

[dank]

So were all these scam operators insisting they weren't a scam because they were just too young and dumb to figure out that paying old investors with new investor's money isn't a feasible business model?  It's like they stumbled upon the idea of Ponzi and believed that it would really work because why on Earth would anyone stop investing with the returns provided?!?!?

Now some unemployed loser is looking for $25k.  That sure would be a smart investment. 

At least dank is a loser with a plan.  That plan is "buy me a house, hookah bar and a car and when I'm a millionaire rockstar I'll pay you back with interest," but it's still a plan.

No need to spread misinformation, my friend.

[Kluge]

Current Equity (excl. defaulted loans) = ~$80k (+- $5k)

You need to liquidate what you can and get even without going into debt. Take the job you've been offered and pare down your lifestyle. The notion of taking on more debt to pay debts is a remnant of thinking left over from the post-Bretton Woods world that is now long gone.

I know you're asking for a loan, not advice. Only a vulture would give you a loan based upon your info. At least my advice isn't interest-bearing.

Like I mentioned - I need to keep from touching the 401(k) until next year. The loan replaces much higher-interest loans in the form of BDK.BND, which I'm paying 1% weekly on. Since I've called almost all of the good loans, I don't really have any BTC left, either, subjecting me to a lot of currency risk.

I notice everyone still thinks I'm having troubles now because I invested directly in Pirate. 

[Eisenhower34]

I understand that replacing a loan with a cheaper one, saves you some depts, but you still make minus every month and without any income...

So ... how do you plan to pay back the dept?

[Endgame]

Will you be repaying the loan using your lending/CD business, or are you trying to wind that up?

[drrussellshane]

I understand that replacing a loan with a cheaper one, saves you some depts, but you still make minus every month and without any income...

So ... how do you plan to pay back the dept?

It is spelled "debt".

Your "b" is upside down.