I have no trustable bank accounts currently
This won't help for getting any coins in the next day or so, but you do have options.
Get a Western Union prepaid card, which carries no monthly fee. Then you can transfer your PayPal funds to it (ACH/direct deposit). Then from there, you can link that account using Dwolla and from there move funds to an exchange which accepts Dwolla.
In the meantime, if you have a PayPal debit card, you can withdraw cash from the PayPal account and then deposit that cash into any of the many methods where bitcoins can be purchased with cash, including BitFloor (Chase and Wells Fargo), BitMe (Chase), or for $500 worth, Bitcoins Direct (Bank of America, Wells Fargo or PNC Bank). Of course BitInstant adds thousands of additional locations like 7-11, Walmart, CVS, Moneygram locations, etc.