Share a joke

[bitsmichel]

Share a joke 

[beeng]

Lady, you are phat.

[Xian01]

Josh Zerlan.

[Gleb Gamow]

Bruce Peterson walks into a bar:

Bartender: What you'll have, partner?
Bruce Peterson: A warm glass of my mommy's milk fresh from her titties.
Bartender: You're in luck. She was just here lactating prior to hitting the parkin' lot with several of my male patrons and a horse in tow.

[Graphics]

Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

LOL!

[naypalm]

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball. The bartender screams at the guy, "Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table -- whole!" "Sorry," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I'll pay for everything." The man finishes his drink, pays and leaves. Two weeks later, he's in the bar with his pet monkey, again. He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar. The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks. "Yeah," replies the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first."

[pocarime32]

joke ? i am

[axxo]

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball. The bartender screams at the guy, "Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table -- whole!" "Sorry," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I'll pay for everything." The man finishes his drink, pays and leaves. Two weeks later, he's in the bar with his pet monkey, again. He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar. The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks. "Yeah," replies the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first."

Hahahahaha that was very funny. Pretty cool joke! 

[bojan92]

A guy walks into a bar and orders a whiskey. Just before he takes a sip of his whiskey, a guy runs in and says, "Bill, your house burnt down!"
So he runs outside, but then he thinks, "I don't have a house," so he goes back into the bar and takes a sip of his whiskey.
Another guy runs in and says, "Bill! Your dad died!"
He runs out of the bar, gets on his horse and rides a little ways, but then thinks, "I don't have a dad," so he goes back into the bar and drinks almost all of his whiskey. Then another guy runs in and says, "Bill! You won the lottery!"
So he runs out, gets on his horse and rides all the way to the bank, but then he thinks, "My name's not Bill."

[st4nl3y]

Cucumber, a pickle, and a penis sitting around talking about how their lives sucked.
The cucumber goes
"Man, my life sucks. When I get big, they cut me up and stick me on a salad."
The pickle looks at him and says,
"You think you have it bad? When I get big, they stick me in vinegar, put spices on me, and stick me in a jar."
The penis looks at him and says,
"You think you have it rough? When I get big, they stick a rubber strap on my head, stick me in a dark room, and bang my head against the wall until I throw up and pass out!"

[High Plains Drifter]

What did the leper say to the prostitute?   Keep the tip

[bojan92]

Two men, Jim and John, were walking their dogs when they passed by a restaurant. “Let’s go in and get something to eat,” Jim suggested. “We can’t” responded John, “don’t you see the sign says NO PETS ALLOWED.” “Aah that sign,” said Jim “don’t worry about it” and taking out a pair of sunglasses, he walked up to the door. As he tried walking into the restaurant he got stopped at the door, “sorry no pets allowed.” Can’t you see” said Jim “I am blind, this is my seeing eye dog.” But it’s a doberman pincher, who uses a doberman pincher as a seeing eye dog?” the man asked “Oh,” Jim responded “you must have not heard, this is the latest type of seeing eye dog, they do a very good job.” Seeing that it worked, John tried walking in with his Chihuahua. Even before he could open his mouth, the doorman said “don’t tell me that a Chihuahua is the latest type of seeing eye dog.” Thinking quickly John responded in a angry voice “You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?”

[High Plains Drifter]

Did you hear what happened to the lepers' soccer team?  They were defeeted.  LOL

[bojan92]

After an elderly couple starts getting forgetful, they visit their doctor. Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes.
When they get home, the wife says, "Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And maybe write that down so you won't forget?"
"Nonsense," says the husband. "I can remember a dish of ice cream."
"Well, I'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it," the wife replies.
"My memory's not all that bad," says the husband. "No problem -- a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I don't need to write it down."
He goes into the kitchen, and his wife hears pots and pans banging.
The husband finally emerges from the kitchen and presents his wife with a plate of bacon and eggs.
She looks at the plate and asks, "Hey, where's the toast I asked for?"

[bojan92]

In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:
"Before you signed the death certificate, did you take the pulse, listen to the heart or check for breathing?"
"No."
"So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?"
"Well, the man's brain was in a jar on my desk, but I suppose he could have still been practicing law for a living."

[Nauro]

Someone asked a loan of  satoshi with collateral

[VPScreator]

signature spammers left the forum

[bojan92]

This should be a thread for jokes, right?
So here are a few:

A man walks up to a janitor and asks him, "Don't you ever get tired of cleaning."
The man, taken back, says, "Excuse me sir. I'll let you know I have children at Harvard, Yale, and MIT."
The other man replies, "Oh really? I'm sorry, what classes are they taking?"
The janitor replies, "Nah, they're janitors."

A blind man walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He immediately yanks the dog and starts to spin him in the air like a lasso.
The bartender freaks out, "What are you doing?!?!"
The blind man replies calmly, "Oh, just having a look around."

[dragansk1]

It is my favorite dark humor which I listened ever
During a funeral, the pallbearers accidentally bump into a wall and hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find out that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for 10 more years and then dies. There is another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.
As they are walking out, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"

[marcus1986]

signature spammers left the forum

Good joke! There are only you and me stay!