Free* Engrish->English translating & English proof-reading

[Kluge]

I will convert your mangled or imperfect English writing into easily-understood English.

Requirements:
*Must be <2,500 words long, or a >.02BTC tip must be included.
*I must be able to understand the text I'm sent, which means what you send me must either be in English or Spanish (expect some "glitches" if sent in Spanish). Anything else will be fed through Gtranslate, so no guarantee I can actually translate the meaning.

Caveats:
*No guarantee on technical perfection. I'm paid to grade essays, not write them, and I'm not an English major.  
*I will not proof-read English writing from native (or "very good") speakers without being paid. If a document's already well-written but contains a few very minor technical errors, I'll send it back without correction.

Guarantees:
*<72h turnaround. (unless >20k words in length)
*No guarantees for


Instructions:
*If you have a forum post, email, PM, or similar, upload the text to pastebin. Send the pastebin link to Benjm00@gmail.com with subject "translate" (no quotation marks).
*If you can't put the text you'd like edited into pastebin, or it'd be a big hassle, just include whatever relevant files I'd need to proof-read and edit. Please send as .txt or email to Benjm00@gmail.com - not through PM.
*If you'd like, encrypt the data.
PGP key:

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Tips can be sent to 1KLUGE9ModuXAoBP7YcH4innAAyG5tttpp
(if a tip's required, send me an email with your request and the address you're sending BTC from BEFORE actually sending the BTC so I know it's from you - or just send the request within a few minutes of sending payment)

[1715275346]

1715275346

[btcven]

Once Kluge translate anything to English from mangled English, I could translated it to Spanish.

PGP key: http://rdy.com.es/randybrito.asc

Bitcoin address: 1NvssZQNEELVPwjsQwpGrzH3RJKhtrXag

You can send the amount you think is correct for your document length.

[mc_lovin]

Y'know the funny thing is, this is actually a valuable service to some.  If you get a document written in Engrish, it's horrible, and the only way to correct it is to go over it yourself, or now get Kluge to take care of it.  

When we take blobs of english and put it through a translator, does it receive as mostly-understandable-jibberish on the other end?

Classic:

[Kluge]

Y'know the funny thing is, this is actually a valuable service to some.  If you get a document written in Engrish, it's horrible, and the only way to correct it is to go over it yourself, or now get Kluge to take care of it.  

When we take blobs of english and put it through a translator, does it receive as mostly-understandable-jibberish on the other end?

I was inspired after browsing around for niche software.

"Sometimes, for simplifying the operate, you need to make an application on top of other applications, but this application has not "always on top" option, or sometimes you need to make an application not always on top, in these conditions, you need Always On Top Maker, it is a tiny tool to make a window "always on top(TOPMOST)", or, make a topmost window not always on top."

Another time I thought about doing something like this, I was (for fun, of course) compiling capacity-related statistics for batteries with a brief rundown of properties for each chemistry used in tested batteries. Most of the chemistry combinations used were/are very obscure, so data was difficult to find, and often contradictory. However, in one particular case, digging led to very detailed data by a company touting LiFePO4 batteries' "super-excellent battery duration for high life." Really great data, but the Engrish was sometimes so bad, I couldn't understand what the author was really trying to say, which sucked.

[tenakha]

Please be very much understanding in my writings - thankings in advance thank you.

I am noticing recently that you are providings with splendidly servicings for Engwish to English translations services and provider providings ....

Please, but also, can you reverts back to me with your ratings plus chargings and costings for this services providings.

Obligings to you good day Sir.

[vite]

Bump
Proper english also helps human translators do their job.

[mrvision]

watching

[Kluge]

Bump. While-intoxicated-only offer of free critiquing, grading, and proof-reading. (pricing for sober editing updated in OP for exchange rate changes)

Send me essays, screenplays, or audio files (no videos). Need something proof-read? Fine. Don't want to pay for it? Fine. Just send me some fucking text! Hell, I'll grade the content if you want (topics you'd possibly want me or wife to grade on content or accuracy for include organic chemistry, six sigma, politics and/or government, game design, philosophy, and anything k-12). I'm so fucking bored! Help!

I'll even write up essays for a few bucks! Need a critique of Countdown to Crisis: The Upcoming Nuclear Showdown with Iran written up? Have you covered! So original, nobody'd ever believe any human being wrote it. Need a topic sentence to get your professor to really examine points you want to get across? How about something commenting on the tireless bastardization of capitalism within the media?!

Tired of grading kids' essays and just want to sit at your desk playing solitaire? You're covered, lazy pig! Need worksheets written up for subjects you want to cover, but don't really want to do any work in covering?! COVERED!

Writing an essay on Great Gatsby with mandatory analysis of quoted material? You need to (hire me to) analyze the implications of the "modish negroes" line! Every single word was chosen intentionally -- why was that particular sentence with those particular words included? Nobody hyper-analyzes little details like that - except for me, and that's why you ought to send me some god-damned fucking text right now!

Work at a parts-supplier for Toyota, or Toyota itself? I've seen the horrible pamphlets they send employees, written by poorly-educated Japanese natives - and I've even kept a particularly terrible one on six sigma as a memento from a previous job. Don't punish your employees with illustrations showing a man bent over "cumbustible" materials! I'll even critique your damned illustrations if you send them!

Translation, transliteration, decantation, deamination, analyzation, titillation! You're motherfucking covered, friend!

ETA: Off to sleep.