I wanted to make this thread for two reasons: 1) as an outlet to vent as my other avenues are inadequate at the time, and 2) as a reminder for all of you that there is good to be found everywhere you look. I may delete this thread at any time due to some sensitive self-disclosure.
The past three months have been emotionally and physically (mostly due to lack of sleep) trying and have pushed me places I never thought I would, or could, go. During the past three months, the following has happened...
- My father had a stroke. He currently is unable to read or write and has no idea what month or year it is, or who the President is.
- I've taken on the responsibility of handling my family's financial situation. Because my father has lost his job, we will likely lose the family home.
- I've also taken on the role as family counselor because my mother has been mentally ill for over 20 years and is unable to cope under the weight of the situation.
- Speaking of counseling, I work as a Mental Health Counselor in a Chicago hospital adult psych unit. I was assaulted by a patient, spent some time in the E.R., and am currently waiting for the results of HIV and HEP tests. The patient, I believe, had a body fluid precaution.
- I've been working overtime at the hospital and also work a 2nd job which has been consuming far more time than I originally anticipated. I've averaged around 3 hours of sleep per night for the past 3 months. I commute 2-3 hours per day to and from the hospital, and I feel perpetually behind with my other work despite trying my hardest to keep up with everything.
- I live with a suicidal roommate and have woken up multiple nights at around 4 a.m. to the sounds of my roommate crying hysterically and busting holes through the walls.
- My roommate also set our rental on fire. Yes, on fire. I was sleeping at the time and woke up to the smell of smoke. About 5 more minutes and the whole house would've been engulfed.
- My roommate also has a small dog that is very poorly trained. Last week I came home to find food and pizza boxes spread everywhere. That didn't really bother me; what bothered me was that he pissed on 2 computers, a recliner, 2 piles of clothing, and a pair of shoes. They are (were) the clothes and shoes I wear to work.
- My car got broken into. My windshield now has a complete crack straight through the center of it and $600 was taken.
- My best friend got into a car accident. He suffered 3 broken ribs, a punctured lung, and a broken tibia.
- I won't be with any family for Christmas, nor can I afford to buy or receive any gifts.
- I've lost ~30 lbs.
I think that's about it. There could be more, but even thinking about all of it is tiring for me.
But you know what? Despite all that, I'm breathing. And right now, I'm sitting in a (piss-stained) recliner talking on a (piss-stained) computer, and I'm OK. I'm alive, I have shelter, I have (piss-stained) clothes, I have food, I have a sexy girlfriend, I have a post-graduate degree, I have not one, but two, jobs, I have my guitars, I have my mom and dad still alive and close by, my best friend did get engaged, I'm a small part of Bitcoin history, I live in a great city in a great state in a great country, and life is just...moving. It's always moving. And it keeps bringing you surprises. And challenges. And it keeps testing you in all the ways you need to be tested to make you stronger, for your stressors reveal your weaknesses.
I work with the highest-risk patients in any adult psych unit in Chicago, and what I've gone through in the past 3 months pales in comparison to what some of these unfortunate souls have been through, even if they made some (or many) mistakes along the way. Someone out there always has it worse than you do. Besides, the experience of pain is relative, and for some, ignorance makes that pain worse. But I won't let ignorance make my pain worse. I can see the good when I look for it. It's all around you at every moment, and if you just look you'll see it too. Count your blessings and you'll find they're innumerable. Life's a bitch and then you get it on.
Happy Holidays!
why is it piss stained?
