FormerlyAnonymous (OP)
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May 22, 2016, 01:12:28 AM |
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Hello, I've been trying to get a modicum of attention from coinbase support for some time now, and they just don't seem to be willing or able to give it to me. I'll describe the situation in some detail, and, although I'll editorialize a bit at the end, mostly I think folks just deserve to know that this is possible if you are doing business with Coinbase, and to decide for themselves what it means for their own decision-making.
Please be advised, I don't do a ton of transactions, don't have tons of bitcoin, and don't by any means have my finger on the pulse of bitcoin these days. I'm sure coinbase has made just a miniscule amount of profit from my activities over the years... maybe $10 or so, or, I suppose, maybe $8 after the teeny tiny smidgen of support I've been able to coax them into giving me over the course of what I'm about to describe.
So, on the 4th of this month (iirc... maybe the 3rd at the earliest -- it's now the 21st, as I write this, ftr), I sold some bitcoin due to being short on cash and wanting to make ends meet. Coinbase gave me a bit more than than $200 of coinbase-usd for my btc. I have done this several times in the past w/o problem.. They just ship the money to my bank account, the money appears. Nobody seems to freak out or give us a hard time about it although I'm always slightly apprehensive 'cause we bank with Satan Incarnate Bank of Manhattan.
That bank account technically belongs to my gf. I'm not an authorized signer or anything -- it's never really been a problem, she simply signs the very few checks we write. We both are fine with it that way -- the only downside I can think of has been that it makes it slightly slower for me to w/d from Paypal. We don't use Paypal much, so, no biggie. I don't even have a bank account in my name anymore, I closed mine years ago.
My transaction proceeded normally and I got the standard 3-5 business days (or whatever they promise) e-mail from coinbase. But the next day I got an e-mail stating that my transaction had been rejected due to the name on the bank account not matching the name on the Coinbase account. The message said to e-mail support or else they'd cancel my transaction. If I'd just let them cancel the transaction I suspect this would have gone a lot smoother.
Instead, I did e-mail support, hoping I might find some quick way to resolve the matter. The next business day, I finally got a reply at around closing time (Coinbase and I are in the same time zone).
The reply was to close my ticket, informing me (not a literal quote here, but this is more-or-less exactly what was said), "The accounts must match. You should go into the list of accounts and delete your bank account from Coinbase, and add an account in your name, or send us proof you are an authorized signer on this account."
Basically whatever he said seemed extremely curt. I'm pretty sure -- but definitely surmising -- that what he thought he was doing was "scolding me" for having "scammed" them, presumably because they have some policy forbidding what I had done. Well, WTF? Does he think we read all of that fine print? I'm trying to move $200 here.
Anyhow, not appreciating that shit, when I reopened my ticket I requested that he please not close my ticket, in the future, until there is some reason for him to think my problem had been resolved, and that (again, not a literal quote) "What I wanted from him was to please advise us as to what our options were" (as if that wasn't obvious the first time).
I even included a number of specific questions, outlining possible ways to solve my problem, because, I must say, I had a bad feeling, if I just left it there, he would just reply "No options, delete account now!" or some kind of ridiculous soup-nazi thing. So I asked, i.e.,, could my gf be added to the account as an authorized user? Could she create a new account and have the money transferred to it? etc.
I was hoping, if a new account was the best they could do, to avoid having to sell my cb-usd, screw around with the blockchain, and then sell the btc back to coinbase again, paying their vig at each step, and all the time having to wait, 'cause I kinda needed the cash immediately. But I didn't go into all that, figuring I'd duke it out with the guy over that shit once he actually failed to do the obvious right thing, rather than start a fight preemptively over a question I might not need an answer to depending on what was Coinbase's policy about accounts and so on.
ugh, it just goes on and on... but I'm sick of typing.... to be continued soon.
Suffice it to say that 15 days later, this thing is by no means resolved and most of that time I have just been waiting on them to do their job and answer really easy questions.
It's important to understand that Coinbase offers NO phone support. You literally can't call them. I don't even see a business number that they publish. They provide one official channel, only, to resolve any problems (the channel I was using, to be clear). Their website claims they have some kind of real-time chat but I see no evidence that this is actually the case. So, basically there is no real-time interaction possible, unless you want to show up at their office (which /is/ right down the block from me. But I've decided I'd rather not find out what happens to customers who show up there uninvited, so, for all I know, they are all really nice there, and you can just show up and they'll help you out with your customer issues and send you packing with a gift-basket full of sunshine and rainbows).
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If anyone from Coinbase happens to be reading this, by the way, and wants me to stop saying such mean things and go away, I'd like that too. Just fix your lack of support by paying a bit more attention to me. Since you do seem to support multiple authorized users per account, get my gf set up, I'll w/d, and, I promise: I'll update this post, and twitter, to reflect that Coinbase finally changed its tune and took care of business.
After realizing what kind of risk I seem to have been taking every time I transacted with you, I probably won't do any further business with you, to be honest. But, frankly, unless I eventually wind up doing more Bitcoin stuff than I do now, Coinbase can clearly afford to lose me as a customer. I simply don't do move enough btc around to represent a meaningful loss to your enterprise. On the other hand, if you keep me sufficiently mad that I feel the need to hang out around here and continue bad-mouthing you, I might represent a disproportionately impactful -- if still fairly minor -- threat to your reputation. My Issue# in your Desk portal is #915527.
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