abandon trasaction is greyed out, i cant click it
Then start Bitcoin Core with the
-zapwallettxes option. See
https://achow101.com/2016/07/Bitcoin-Core-Troubleshooting#option-startup for help with that.
With Bitcoin Core, you can right click the transaction in the list and choose "Abandon transaction". Then send your Bitcoin again with a higher fee.
How do you know the new transaction will use the same inputs? If it doesn't use the same inputs then it isn't a double spend.
IIRC Coin selection is fairly deterministic. Given the same set of UTXOs and the same outputs, it should be choosing the same UTXOs as inputs. Increasing the fee should not affect that too much unless dust UTXOs are being spent.