proofread my work please

[WishIStartedSooner]

I've been thinking about this for a long time.

I have the ability to present the idea of adopting bitcoin to a big, private U.S. based corporation.

For reasons that I cannot elaborate on I think that if I word this correctly, that there's a reasonable chance they might listen to me.

And this company is perfect for bitcoin for many good reasons. I wish I was allowed to tell you guys.

I am currently trying to structure my thoughts, and do a little bit of research before hammering out a first draft.

I've decided that I am going to present this idea in the form of a research paper report, complete with sources cited and everything.

I want to explain what bitcoin is, what the risks are, why it has the potential to be profitable, and what bitcoin and they have to offer one another.

If you could lend me good supporting links to the categories that I list here, or help me to structure my thoughts in a better way, I would very much value your input.

Here's how I think I will structure it:

What is bitcoin?
  - How it works
  - Why it is secure
  - Decentralized
  - Open Source
  - Solid fundamentals

Why it has the potential to be profitable:
  - Commodity/currency hybrid
  - Worldwide
  - Recent gains in legitimacy
  - Market still very young
  - Why it meshes perfectly with our business (which I sadly can't elaborate on right now)
  - Mutual reciprocity-- it could be set up so that we help bitcoin to succeed, and bitcoin helps us to succeed

I also would like to present some common arguments for why they shouldn't adopt bitcoin, so that I can debunk them. I need your help alot here.

  - What are the risks?
  - Why do many people call it a pyramid or a ponzi? Is it?
  - Uncertain ground where the government is involved
  - Market price prone to volatility
  - Nonzero chance bitcoin will fail, or get supplanted
  - Block size limit (thank you guy who contributed this one)

Tomorrow I will continue thinking about things to add or subtract from this outline, and when I get time I will start researching sources. When I have a second or third draft, I will post some of it here for peer review proofreading.

Anybody have anything good I can add?

[WishIStartedSooner]

Lame. No answers.

Okay here is what I've got so far.

The Case for Bitcoin

   Hello there. I wish to bring the existence of Bitcoin to the awareness of the committee. I firmly believe this to be a truly innovative technology with legs and the time is perfect for a company like ours to capitalize on it. The goal of this paper will be to introduce you to Bitcoin, explain what Bitcoin is and how it works, explain why I think it’s a great tool that our company should utilize, and why I think it would mesh perfectly with our already existing business model.

What is Bitcoin?

   I suppose I should start at the beginning. What is Bitcoin? Bear with me here. This is complicated; especially if you aren’t a computer oriented mind, but if you can follow the entire explanation I believe that the implications of the existence of this technology are profound. It took me a long time to truly wrap my mind around how it works. It is worth its effort in thought to understand this.

   Bitcoin is an online currency, and a commodity. It can be used as a currency, but also held as a speculative investment. It is stored as information on something called a blockchain, which is like a ledger of every Bitcoin transaction ever made and who has what in what “wallet.” This ledger is openly available and freely distributed to anybody who wants to download it. It is most commonly distributed over a peer-to-peer network, similar to how the unrelated but similarly named technology, Bittorrent works.

   When a transaction happens in Bitcoin, the payer broadcasts the details of the transaction to the peer-to-peer Bitcoin network, composed of anybody running the open source client, or any kind of mining software, and those details get added to the blockchain. The blockchain is then cryptographically verified by “miners,” people who dedicate their computer resources to securing the Bitcoin network, in exchange for being the people to whom new currency, as it is produced, as well as transaction fees, are issued. Thus the system is self-reinforcing.

       There is a hard cap, an algorithmically enforced limit to the number of bitcoins that can be produced ever, making Bitcoin a deflationary currency. That number is 21 million. Because transactions are cryptographically verified by the peer-to-peer network, and because the network also mathematically self regulates issuance of new currency, there is no need for a middle man for any reason whatsoever with this currency unless one chooses to use one for some reason.

   So, to recap, Bitcoin is an open-source, deflationary, peer-to-peer, digital cryptocurrency that is decentralized. Please take a moment to let this concept sink in. In my opinion this is huge, and I hope to have explained why by the end of this paper.

   So why would people want to use it? There are many reasons. The primary reason that most people do things is because other people do it. So once this fire gets good and hot, there will be no stopping the Bitcoin blaze. Bitcoin is capable of transferring value one place to another in the world instantly, and cheaply. Transaction fees exist as a form of miner compensation, but the person sending the transaction is allowed to choose how much they wish to send as a fee, and those who choose higher fees get their transactions confirmed by the network more quickly. Transactions that are completely free may take longer, but will still go through. It is an alternative to credit cards for online and brick and mortar purchases as a form of digital payment, and it is one that will cost businesses less after the price of a bitcoin has stabilized. It is a store of value, because as long as the technology doesn’t fail entirely the price can only go up, the currency being deflationary. It is a store of value and a currency that can be anonymous, if the user chooses to use it that way; furthermore the user can limit access to his funds to as many or few people as he chooses. Once a person’s bitcoin is in their possession, it is truly theirs.

   People do use it. There is a burgeoning market right now growing larger and larger everyday.

At this point I'm taking a break to submit this for peer review and research some facts to support that last statement.

[WishIStartedSooner]

Bump

Guys...

I'm trying to do something that could be huge for Bitcoin, but I suck at writing and need proofreading and helpful advice and stuff.

I'm not asking you to do all my work for me, but if we can give random useful links to complete trolls for no good reason at all other than boredom, then we can give what I've gotten so far a proofread and maybe toss up some useful links can't we?

[davidpbrown]

Ok, you've caught me when I've nothing better to do..

If you want to sell an idea, you need to talk from the other person's perspective. You won't convince anyone of consequence with any of that above but you might bore them to death. If wanting something was everything, then we'd all be rich.

Clear communication follows from clear thinking. You evidently don't know enough of Bitcoin to sell the idea, let alone the opportunity specific to a particular company. They'd learn more and faster, looking on Google for 10 mins. Hell, if they invited you to present, they'd probably already know more! What are you selling?..an education to basic level!? Unless you are offering something they can't do for themselves, then you're wasting their time.


> So, to recap, Bitcoin is an open-source, deflationary, peer-to-peer, digital cryptocurrency that is decentralized. Please take a moment to let this concept sink in. In my opinion this is huge, and I hope to have explained why by the end of this paper.

Your opinion and hope, is not sufficient to interest anyone.

Go back and read it, as if you were those that you want to present to. Be cynical and critical and realistic. Consider how you are providing no facts; no evidence; and only a hope and a prayer.

In sales there is a thought "Keep It Simple Stupid". Take your audience by the hand, from where they are, to where they will want to go. Do it in easy steps with good continuity. Don't jump from one thought to the next and assume they understand what you are getting at.

Know your audience. Either they will be geeks who will want the technical detail or they will be simple folk relative to technology wanting reasons that there is an opportunity for them to consider Bitcoin as part of their future. The best sales are easy; a clear example of how their peers are actioning sales with Bitcoin right now in the real world.

But first you need to know what you are talking of.. Do you own Bitcoins? Have you spent Bitcoins in the real world and online? Have you done that with your phone; have you done it with paper. What experience do you have that your audience does not? What makes you unique or rare enough to be useful? Bitcoin is unique but right now; from what's above, you look to be someone who's been on the internet for a week.

Also, you have no idea what peer review and research is, if that above is the basis of what you want to submit.

Enthusiasm is not enough.. good luck turning that into effort and learning, that does become useful.

[icellan]

Whenever you are trying to convince people (or sell something), try starting with the Why?: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4ZoJKF_VuA

I've done this a couple of times and the discussion with people afterwards is completely different (= better).

Good luck!

[WishIStartedSooner]

Ok, you've caught me when I've nothing better to do..

If you want to sell an idea, you need to talk from the other person's perspective. You won't convince anyone of consequence with any of that above but you might bore them to death. If wanting something was everything, then we'd all be rich.

Clear communication follows from clear thinking. You evidently don't know enough of Bitcoin to sell the idea, let alone the opportunity specific to a particular company. They'd learn more and faster, looking on Google for 10 mins. Hell, if they invited you to present, they'd probably already know more! What are you selling?..an education to basic level!? Unless you are offering something they can't do for themselves, then you're wasting their time.

What about what I said up there about Bitcoin was wrong, specifically? The implication that I don't know much about it kind of hurts me because I love Bitcoin, and concede that I'm no expert, but think I know more about it than most people. Nonetheless that is WHY I'm posting here...

Also I'm not done yet, this is just the introduction, you know that right? I'm planning to delve deeper into the "whys." I Imagine that like most people, they'll have know clue what Bitcoin is, so I figured it made more sense to try and answer that first.

> So, to recap, Bitcoin is an open-source, deflationary, peer-to-peer, digital cryptocurrency that is decentralized. Please take a moment to let this concept sink in. In my opinion this is huge, and I hope to have explained why by the end of this paper.

Your opinion and hope, is not sufficient to interest anyone.

Go back and read it, as if you were those that you want to present to. Be cynical and critical and realistic. Consider how you are providing no facts; no evidence; and only a hope and a prayer.

Definitely, I was just considering that yesterday. I need to elaborate on what each of those things mean, and leave my opinion out of it.

In sales there is a thought "Keep It Simple Stupid". Take your audience by the hand, from where they are, to where they will want to go. Do it in easy steps with good continuity. Don't jump from one thought to the next and assume they understand what you are getting at.

Know your audience. Either they will be geeks who will want the technical detail or they will be simple folk relative to technology wanting reasons that there is an opportunity for them to consider Bitcoin as part of their future. The best sales are easy; a clear example of how their peers are actioning sales with Bitcoin right now in the real world.

I accept this as a valid point. I will take another look at it and try to simplify everything I wrote. Also thank you, this is good generic persuasive writing advice that I can apply to this.

But first you need to know what you are talking of.. Do you own Bitcoins? Have you spent Bitcoins in the real world and online? Have you done that with your phone; have you done it with paper. What experience do you have that your audience does not? What makes you unique or rare enough to be useful? Bitcoin is unique but right now; from what's above, you look to be someone who's been on the internet for a week.

Also, you have no idea what peer review and research is, if that above is the basis of what you want to submit.

Enthusiasm is not enough.. good luck turning that into effort and learning, that does become useful.

Ah, I was planning to wait until I was done writing and include a disclaimer about how I own and use Bitcoin in the interest of fairness. Think I should drop it earlier on?

Also I can't tell if you're suggesting I put that information directly into the paper, or just asking me these questions or both.

Maybe I could put something in like "I've been using Bitcoin for at least a year on various goods and services, and recently decided to invest in some bitcoins to save for speculation, and this is what I've learned yadayadayada..."

Ok maybe peer review and research weren't the right terms.

Proofreading, happy?

Whenever you are trying to convince people (or sell something), try starting with the Why?: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4ZoJKF_VuA

I've done this a couple of times and the discussion with people afterwards is completely different (= better).

Good luck!

I will take another look at my approach with this in mind. Thanks I found this useful!

Davidpbrown, I realize you find my attempt feeble and kind of get the impression that you see my writing as beneath you intellectually, and that's fine, you're probably right.

But please help me. Everyone who reads this. EDIT: Not "please help me," you are doing that. What I meant was "please take this seriously."

I may be dumb, but I'm in a unique position right now to let the right eyes read this, and I need to pick my words right.

Also I do plan to take my time on this.

I'm not going to submit this, next week, or next month, or anytime soon until it's been revised to brilliance.

[chsados]

Here is a great video of someone explaining pretty much all of this to someone who knows nothing about bitcoin.

http://youtu.be/IhYXoclFlls

[davidpbrown]

What about what I said up there about Bitcoin was wrong, specifically?

It wasn't what you said, it was both that you said too little and took forever to say it.

Example:

I suppose I should start at the beginning. What is Bitcoin? Bear with me here. This is complicated; especially if you aren’t a computer oriented mind, but if you can follow the entire explanation I believe that the implications of the existence of this technology are profound. It took me a long time to truly wrap my mind around how it works. It is worth its effort in thought to understand this.

Listener gets from that a vague suggestion

What is Bitcoin : it's a technology

This isn't an intellectual task. Being clever, is a mix of knowledge; intelligence; and experience. What you are a wanting to do, is to bring knowledge and experience to those that have little. Forget the intellect, just focus on those two.

If there is an opportunity for a company to use Bitcoin that will help them reach new customers or better engage current ones; if doing so usefully enhances what they are already doing for only a small risk, then that's an easy sell. You show them the idea; you talk them through what it can do for them, then you consider how they move from where they are to where they want to go and suggest how you can help.

Don't expect to bore your audience! Expect them to become as excited as you are.
Tease the audience with a positive and back it up with evidence.


So more like this..

Bitcoin is an online currency, that is growing rapidly and providing an exciting alternative way of transferring money around the world. It has zero or trivial transfer fees relative to traditional banking and offers the opportunity for companies like yours to deal with customers around the world without having to worry about exchange rates. Bitcoin represents the future of money online; it's secure and fast [cough] (.. can be fast if you use green addresses).

Using Bitcoin is easy. I've done it myself - only last night I paid for my restaurant bill with Bitcoin; took out my phone, scanned the Bitcoin address from the bill and tipped the waitress.

As a business accepting Bitcoin allows you to issue a new address per customer (the Finance and Statistics dept just creamed themselves).

Each wallet can hold many addresses. Payments are secure; once the payment is sent, it is confirmed by the network (avoid complexity) and it cannot be reversed.

The Bitcoin protocol that makes all this possible is capable of a lot more. [insert what you learn about that here]

The future is exciting and it involves your customers using Bitcoin.

etc

[davidpbrown]

Incidentally, one way to structure your thoughts might be to make a list of all the negatives; of all the questions you might receive, and answer each one of them in a way that is properly convincing.

So, someone might ask "What if someone finds a flaw in Bitcoin" or more sophisticated "What if the Block size limit becomes an issue".. well there are alternatives. Have a depth of awareness that you don't need.. understand PPC and Proof of Stake. Present perhaps 10% of what you know and get them to pay for the other 90%.

[daybyter]

I think you lack one question: 'what could bitcoin do for _you_ ?'

I think that's the most important question to answer...

[Raize]

The only very big private company that would probably align well with Bitcoin in the US would be Koch and subsidiaries, and if they were interested, I imagine they'd have their own people looking into it. Not sure how it'd help them out. Several of us have emailed large private companies to no avail because they think the idea will simply sell itself and they ask where we work in finance and have to tell them we're just techies.

In the meantime, we're all still early adopters and reap the benefits from companies like this not being involved yet, so there is little incentive to have them start using it. Instead, they should start using it out of fear they will be missing out, which is exactly what drove the dot-com era.

For starters, you're going to have to re-explain money to them, which is hard to do. A few videos have done some explanations before talking about bitcoin, but I can't find any right now, I'll try looking again when I get home.

There's a number of videos that cover both the good and bad of Bitcoin like this one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEbCbp1vc9Y

Here's the first one professionally-made:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Um63OQz3bjo

[WishIStartedSooner]

Im not just emailing a random business.


thank you all im looking at this from my phone and i see alot of constructive input. new draft with additions and suggestions implemented coming soon.

[WishIStartedSooner]

Ah finally a day off.

I'm gonna try to put some more work into this today in between everything else that eats my days off.

I just got to thinking though, I'm not that great of writer, has this already been done well for me?

Is there a SUPERB quality article I could just link, or reprint and credit, that would do the informative part for me, then I could just focus my writing exclusively on what the company has to gain from it?

Or would that be too unoriginal?

[WishIStartedSooner]

I think you lack one question: 'what could bitcoin do for _you_ ?'

I think that's the most important question to answer...

I have every intention of answering that. Think I should just jump into that immediately and let the details drop as I go along?

Others seem to agree with you. I will revise it with that in mind.

[WishIStartedSooner]

The only very big private company that would probably align well with Bitcoin in the US would be Koch and subsidiaries, and if they were interested, I imagine they'd have their own people looking into it. Not sure how it'd help them out. Several of us have emailed large private companies to no avail because they think the idea will simply sell itself and they ask where we work in finance and have to tell them we're just techies.

I don't think that's true. But I signed a paper saying I wouldn't tell you who I think also would align well with it.

I'm not just e-mailing a random company.

In the meantime, we're all still early adopters and reap the benefits from companies like this not being involved yet, so there is little incentive to have them start using it. Instead, they should start using it out of fear they will be missing out, which is exactly what drove the dot-com era.

I intend to time this well. Trust me I'm not done buying in yet either. But when I feel the time is right, I want to be prepared. I'm very intentionally planning to take my time on this.

For starters, you're going to have to re-explain money to them, which is hard to do. A few videos have done some explanations before talking about bitcoin, but I can't find any right now, I'll try looking again when I get home.

There's a number of videos that cover both the good and bad of Bitcoin like this one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEbCbp1vc9Y

Here's the first one professionally-made:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Um63OQz3bjo

Cool. I will look into those. I appreciate your help, Raize.

[WishIStartedSooner]

Incidentally, one way to structure your thoughts might be to make a list of all the negatives; of all the questions you might receive, and answer each one of them in a way that is properly convincing.

So, someone might ask "What if someone finds a flaw in Bitcoin" or more sophisticated "What if the Block size limit becomes an issue".. well there are alternatives. Have a depth of awareness that you don't need.. understand PPC and Proof of Stake. Present perhaps 10% of what you know and get them to pay for the other 90%.

That's a good point, I have somewhat started a list of negatives up that. Thank you for pointing out the block size limit I will have to put something about that and ppc in there.

I don't understand what you mean by present 10% and get them to pay for the other 90%?

I don't know alot technically, just enough to have gleamed that they should adopt bitcoin in the future, so I'm going to attempt to convince them of that.

Even if they didn't pay me (which I wouldn't put past 'em) I'd still make alot of money from their support of bitcoin.

[WishIStartedSooner]

What about what I said up there about Bitcoin was wrong, specifically?

It wasn't what you said, it was both that you said too little and took forever to say it.

Example:

I suppose I should start at the beginning. What is Bitcoin? Bear with me here. This is complicated; especially if you aren’t a computer oriented mind, but if you can follow the entire explanation I believe that the implications of the existence of this technology are profound. It took me a long time to truly wrap my mind around how it works. It is worth its effort in thought to understand this.

Listener gets from that a vague suggestion

What is Bitcoin : it's a technology

This isn't an intellectual task. Being clever, is a mix of knowledge; intelligence; and experience. What you are a wanting to do, is to bring knowledge and experience to those that have little. Forget the intellect, just focus on those two.

If there is an opportunity for a company to use Bitcoin that will help them reach new customers or better engage current ones; if doing so usefully enhances what they are already doing for only a small risk, then that's an easy sell. You show them the idea; you talk them through what it can do for them, then you consider how they move from where they are to where they want to go and suggest how you can help.

Don't expect to bore your audience! Expect them to become as excited as you are.
Tease the audience with a positive and back it up with evidence.


So more like this..

Bitcoin is an online currency, that is growing rapidly and providing an exciting alternative way of transferring money around the world. It has zero or trivial transfer fees relative to traditional banking and offers the opportunity for companies like yours to deal with customers around the world without having to worry about exchange rates. Bitcoin represents the future of money online; it's secure and fast [cough] (.. can be fast if you use green addresses).

Using Bitcoin is easy. I've done it myself - only last night I paid for my restaurant bill with Bitcoin; took out my phone, scanned the Bitcoin address from the bill and tipped the waitress.

As a business accepting Bitcoin allows you to issue a new address per customer (the Finance and Statistics dept just creamed themselves).

Each wallet can hold many addresses. Payments are secure; once the payment is sent, it is confirmed by the network (avoid complexity) and it cannot be reversed.

The Bitcoin protocol that makes all this possible is capable of a lot more. [insert what you learn about that here]

The future is exciting and it involves your customers using Bitcoin.

etc

This is really great input david, you are awesome.

I'm definitely approaching this the wrong way, as you and others have pointed out.

Your example and different approach are going to help alot.