Coding humor

[FiatKiller]

from ThinkGeek...

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[RoadToHell]

There are 10 kinds of people: Those that understand binary and those that don't.

[raze]

I made a thread with a few good links. Many lols were had.

[🏰 TradeFortress 🏰]

I made a thread with a few good links. Many lols were had.

That "When I launch my script for the first time after several hours of development" is SO TRUE.

[larem]

I love this one!

[FiatKiller]

I've done coding in various languages on and off since '79 and I was always annoyed when the instructors would say it's impossible to code an error-free program on the first attempt. BS! Maybe a long one, yes. But not a one-pager. At my age now, it may be impossible, but up until 5 years ago, it was very possible. The trick is to think like the computer and follow the directions literally. Something most people have issues with, agreed.

[r3wt]

I love this one!

this is me on a daily basis.

[larem]

I love this one!

(img removed)

this is me on a daily basis.

Same here. I love when I'm writing code and it doesn't work and I can't figure out why... then with tweaks it magically starts working and I still can't figure out 1) why it didn't work before and 2) why it works after the tweaks. XD. Drives me nuts

[r3wt]

I love this one!

(img removed)

this is me on a daily basis.

Same here. I love when I'm writing code and it doesn't work and I can't figure out why... then with tweaks it magically starts working and I still can't figure out 1) why it didn't work before and 2) why it works after the tweaks. XD. Drives me nuts

yeah i hear ya. programmings a crazy ride with tons of ups and downs but it feels so great when you write something that works, without having to google.

[herzmeister]

Two problems

• Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, "I know, I'll use regular expressions." Now they have two problems.
• Some people, when faced with a problem, think, "I know, I'll use binary." Now they have 10 problems.
• Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, "I know, I'll use threads," and then two they hav erpoblesms.
• Some people, when confronted with a problem, think "I know, I'll use multithreading". Nothhw tpe yawrve o oblems.
• Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, "I know, I'll use mutexes." Now they have
• Some people, when confronted with a problem, think: "I know, I'll use caching." Now they have one problems.
• Some people see a problem and think "I know, I'll use Java!" Now they have a ProblemFactory.
• Some programmers, when confronted with a problem, think "I know, I'll use floating point arithmetic." Now they have 1.999999999997 problems.
• Some people, wanting an escape from their full-time job, think "I know, I'll contribute to open source." Now they have two full-time jobs.
• Some people, when confronted with a problem, think: "I know, I'll think outside the box!" Now, they have 3.75 problems, an entirely new framework, and three dozen toll house cookies cooling in the kitchen.
• Some people when confronted with a desire to use pithy quotes in their presentations think "I know, I'll use something from Star Wars". Now two problems they have.
  
• Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, "I know, I'll use UTF8." Now they à??§??°??µ?ç°§ùÔ_¦Ñ?.
• "I'll use PHP!" Now they have ("1 apple" + "1 orange") problems.
• "I'll use Perl!" Now they have more than one way to have more than one problem....
• Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, "I know, I'll use Shareware." Now they have two trials.
• Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, "I know, I'll use delegations." Now their problem is a problem of their problem.
• Some people when confronted with a problem think "I know, I'll quote jwz". Now everyone has a problem.

---from http://nedbatchelder.com/blog/201204/two_problems.html

[larem]

Two problems

• Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, "I know, I'll use regular expressions." Now they have two problems.
• Some people, when faced with a problem, think, "I know, I'll use binary." Now they have 10 problems.
• Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, "I know, I'll use threads," and then two they hav erpoblesms.
• Some people, when confronted with a problem, think "I know, I'll use multithreading". Nothhw tpe yawrve o oblems.
• Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, "I know, I'll use mutexes." Now they have
• Some people, when confronted with a problem, think: "I know, I'll use caching." Now they have one problems.
• Some people see a problem and think "I know, I'll use Java!" Now they have a ProblemFactory.
• Some programmers, when confronted with a problem, think "I know, I'll use floating point arithmetic." Now they have 1.999999999997 problems.
• Some people, wanting an escape from their full-time job, think "I know, I'll contribute to open source." Now they have two full-time jobs.
• Some people, when confronted with a problem, think: "I know, I'll think outside the box!" Now, they have 3.75 problems, an entirely new framework, and three dozen toll house cookies cooling in the kitchen.
• Some people when confronted with a desire to use pithy quotes in their presentations think "I know, I'll use something from Star Wars". Now two problems they have.
  
• Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, "I know, I'll use UTF8." Now they à??§??°??µ?ç°§ùÔ_¦Ñ?.
• "I'll use PHP!" Now they have ("1 apple" + "1 orange") problems.
• "I'll use Perl!" Now they have more than one way to have more than one problem....
• Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, "I know, I'll use Shareware." Now they have two trials.
• Some people, when confronted with a problem, think, "I know, I'll use delegations." Now their problem is a problem of their problem.
• Some people when confronted with a problem think "I know, I'll quote jwz". Now everyone has a problem.

---from http://nedbatchelder.com/blog/201204/two_problems.html

I lol'd. I understood all of those but the mutexes, threads and multithreading, .

[herzmeister]

An Introduction to Objectivist-C

Let me introduce you to the best language you’ve never heard of: Objectivist-C.

Although academic computer scientists have generally dismissed Objectivist-C, it has a zealous following among self-taught programmers and college sophomores.

Objectivist-C was invented by Russian-American programmer Ope Rand. Based on the principle of rational self-interest, Objectivist-C was influenced by Aristotle’s laws of logic and Smalltalk. In an unorthodox move, Rand first wrote about the principles of Objectivist-C in bestselling novels, and only later set them down in non-fiction.

Here’s what you need to know to program in Objectivist-C.

In Objectivist-C, an object — every object — is an end in itself, not a means to the ends of others. It must live for its own sake, neither sacrificing itself to others nor sacrificing others to itself.

[...]

In Objectivist-C, software engineers have eliminated the need for object-oriented principles like Dependency Inversion, Acyclic Dependencies, and Stable Dependencies. Instead, they strictly adhere to one simple principle: No Dependencies.

In Objectivist-C, there are only two numerical data types: rational and real.

In Objectivist-C, there are not only properties, but also property rights. Consequently, all properties are @private; there is no @public property.

In Objectivist-C, each program is free to acquire as many resources as it can, without interference from the operating system.

In Objectivist-C, objects communicate by message-passing. In Ope Rand’s magnum opus, one object sends a message that goes on for 70 pages.

In Objectivist-C, there are no exceptions.

I leave you with a quote from Ope Rand, in which she condemns programming languages that are inferior to Objectivist-C:

Through centuries of scourges and disasters, brought about by your code, you have cried that your code had been broken, that the scourges were punishment for breaking it, that men were too weak and too selfish to spill all the blood it required. You damned men, you damned existence, you damned this earth, but never dared to question your code. Your victims took the blame and struggled on, with your curses as reward for their martyrdom - while you went on crying that your code was noble, but human nature was not good enough to practice it. And no one rose to ask the question: Good? - by what standard?

---from http://fdiv.net/2012/04/01/objectivist-c

[herzmeister]

I lol'd. I understood all of those but the mutexes, threads and multithreading, .

A thread is a sequence of instructions. Many systems allow you to execute many different such threads in parallel (either "virtual", or "physical" on multi-core processors etc). If many such threads manipulate the same data (mostly in memory), you may get unexpected and unpredictable results.

The mutex joke is also in this context and alludes to deadlocks: http://siber.cankaya.edu.tr/ozdogan/SystemsProgramming/ceng425/node91.html

[larem]

I lol'd. I understood all of those but the mutexes, threads and multithreading, .

A thread is a sequence of instructions. Many systems allow you to execute many different such threads in parallel (either "virtual", or "physical" on multi-core processors etc). If many such threads manipulate the same data (mostly in memory), you may get unexpected and unpredictable results.

The mutex joke is also in this context and alludes to deadlocks: http://siber.cankaya.edu.tr/ozdogan/SystemsProgramming/ceng425/node91.html

Very informative. Thank you! My knowledge of things like C++ are pretty basic, which is probably why these went over my head, :p.

I thought that multithreading was automatic using VisualStudio though...

[nimda]

In Objectivist-C, there are not only properties, but also property rights. Consequently, all properties are @private; there is no @public property.

This one got me

In Objectivist-C, all objects can be subclassed.
Objectivist-C cannot be compiled by a libertarian compiler.

[P_Shep]

I saw this one some times ago

That's one shitty programmer.

[P_Shep]

I love this one!

(img removed)

this is me on a daily basis.

Same here. I love when I'm writing code and it doesn't work and I can't figure out why... then with tweaks it magically starts working and I still can't figure out 1) why it didn't work before and 2) why it works after the tweaks. XD. Drives me nuts

yeah i hear ya. programmings a crazy ride with tons of ups and downs but it feels so great when you write something that works, without having to google.

So there are a bunch of shitty programmers in here.

[larem]

I love this one!

(img removed)

this is me on a daily basis.

Same here. I love when I'm writing code and it doesn't work and I can't figure out why... then with tweaks it magically starts working and I still can't figure out 1) why it didn't work before and 2) why it works after the tweaks. XD. Drives me nuts

yeah i hear ya. programmings a crazy ride with tons of ups and downs but it feels so great when you write something that works, without having to google.

So there are a bunch of shitty programmers in here.

Or there's a bunch of people here who have actually programmed...