Wanted to provide an update:
Was able to successfully get pywallet to dump a private key for one address, which contained a grand total of 0 BTC
Oh well, onto the others! Unfortunately, the above didn't work. Electrum 1.9.8 either crashes or simply does nothing when asked to open any of the files. Opening them up within notepad++ reveals very, very little useful information and many, many [NUL] bytes and overwritten/encrypted data. Sadly, I think these may be too far gone; but I'd love for someone to prove me wrong, and I'm open to trying damn near anything to get into them, even if the payoff is 0 and it's a lesson in cryptography by the end of it
I have successfully pulled ~20 characters of hex from one wallet, but sadly, after transcribing them, it simply translates to 'bestblock' from the file, and nothing useful.