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棍棒底下出孝子?父母的爱成了孩子的负担
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Topic: 棍棒底下出孝子?父母的爱成了孩子的负担 (Read 35 times)
mudsadji
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棍棒底下出孝子?父母的爱成了孩子的负担
December 28, 2017, 08:25:08 AM
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你很爱他,爱到严苛,他却感受不到,心中只有怨恨,悲剧因此积累而成。近日,四川大竹13岁少年袁某弑母,引起公众关注。当地警方通报称,袁某因为怨恨母亲陈七眉对他管教过于严格,持刀将其杀害。袁某的父亲称,因为“没文化”,不懂教孩子,只知道不听话就打。(澎湃新闻12月11日)
舐犊之情,至真至纯,世间父母,皆爱其子。然而,爱也需要讲究方式,否则就可能成为一种负担,激起一种怨愤。陈七眉夫妇爱孩子,一方面,为了方便孩子上学,倾其所有在镇上买房安家;另一方面,教育方式简单粗暴,不听话就打,这种“严格”之下,孩子如何能感受到爱?
“严母”已然故去,悲剧也已铸成。此事对天下为人父母者具有一定警示意义:教育孩子既要防止溺爱成病,也要警惕“过严成害”。近些年,媒体对溺爱的危害探讨较多。一些父母对孩子极尽娇宠之能事,结果养出了挥霍无度的败家子,导致了四体不勤的公主病。于是,严格管教成了很多人尊奉的金科玉律,难免矫枉过正。
袁某杀害母亲,可能与他是留守儿童、沉迷网络游戏等因素有关,但根据其向警方提供的供词,怨恨母亲管教过于严格是最显著、最直接的原因。古语讲“棍棒底下出孝子,黄荆条下出好人”,鼓吹采取暴力手段教育孩子。那是封建家长制的旧套路,沿袭到今天断然不合适。令人忧心的是,在一些欠发达地区,特别是偏远农村地区,一些父母对棍棒的迷信依然存在。
2007年,广州16岁少年王某经过周密的盘算、异常镇静地杀父弑母时,其父虽逃过一劫,但对儿子的残酷举动无从理解;2016年,福州一名众人眼中的完美少年吴某弑母,诸如此类令人揪心的悲剧背后,是孩子们对“暴君”不计后果的激烈反抗。长期的高压、过严的管制、粗暴打骂,如何能让孩子平和温润?缺乏与孩子平等对话、用心沟通的意识,父母的爱怎会不变成沉重负担,压得人喘不过气来?
今天,我们讨论家庭教育,不能再停留于“不要溺爱”的层面。溺爱尽管还一定程度存在,但拒绝溺爱已成为基本社会共识。相应的,要坚持反对束缚孩子天性、动辄打骂孩子,将其放在“反对家暴”的层面去看待。一个现代法治国家决不允许家庭暴力的出现,不论它打着什么名义。
整个社会还须对家庭教育作更多的探讨,并且形成一定之原则,用以匡正父母的教育行为。父母教育孩子似乎天经地义,但父母都会教育孩子吗?知道怎么和孩子沟通,怎么站在孩子的视角、从孩子的成长特性出发去看问题吗?父母绝非天生就会教育孩子。有时候,教育父母比教育孩子更重要。谁来教育父母,这是一个问题。
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