I've been published in the Guardian, defending sex work.

[mistress_magpie]

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/jan/15/paying-for-a-dominatrix-sex-human-need-kink

As a professional dominatrix, I'm often drenched by two firehoses of moral invective. One torrent comes from some fellow kinksters, saying that ours is an art to be practised for love, not money; moralists, who say that sex and fetish are unimportant and vulgar, point the other. I feel it is time to speak up about my work's necessity, and about its joy and beauty. Sex is a human need, and kink can be a meaningful part of the sexual spectrum. We sex workers turn the erotic into a humane and powerful art.

Not every sex worker chooses it; I'm fortunate to have freely and proudly decided to practise kink. Too many of us, particularly escorts, are miserable slaves, and we must fight tirelessly for their freedom. Nevertheless, I believe that the opportunity to pay legally for an encounter with an ethical, independent sex worker is a safe, essential way to help people meet their obligations and cope with a sexless life.

A few clients have shared stories that are no less sad for being ordinary. "S" lives with his estranged wife so he can preserve his Somerset farm for his sons; "M" arranges respite care for his mother when he comes, monthly, to see me. Each of my clients has a right to a private life, and to his choices and agency. And not all of my clients are cheats. Couples in an open marriage might prefer the emotional distance I can offer, rather than risking the potential complications of another relationship. A busy single person might prefer the simplicity of a professional encounter.

Then there's a certain type of unattached person who visits me. He is one of the many losers in the harsh, zero-sum game of dating that capitalism offers. Maybe he is too plain, or too fat, or simply too shy to find dates easily. Having a fetish, and an accompanying load of moralist shame, only makes his life harder.

For someone like him, I can sometimes offer a way out. If he comes to play with me, I won't shame him for his fetish or recoil from his body. I will gladly show him how his fetish – anything from the release offered by tight bondage to the exhilaration of being transformed into a beautiful woman – can be a blissful and intense experience to be treasured, instead of a source of shame. I truly enjoy the reactions of those I dominate, and when I play with a nervous or shy client, I make certain to share my genuine pleasure in our connection. For our few hours together, I make him comfortable in his own skin.

Many of the sadomasochistic arts become richer and deeper when two people play on an ongoing basis, and the majority of my work is with repeat clients. The intensity and connectedness brought about by our play can kindle a broader friendship. With them, the unique combination of distance and trust afforded by my position allows me to gently share a few home truths, and support them in addressing a case of bad breath or untreated social anxiety.

I'm proudest of the clients that I've brought from isolation and shame, to fully fledged membership in my local kink community. At this point, they sometimes graduate from being my clients, and I find myself overjoyed to see them on the arm – or over the knee – of a new partner. Perhaps, with each "graduate", I'm bringing us closer to a world where kink will be accepted, and, happily, my job has become obsolete.

[Spendulus]

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/jan/15/paying-for-a-dominatrix-sex-human-need-kink

As a professional dominatrix, I'm often drenched by two firehoses...

But have you actually ever been drenched by not one, but two firehoses?

[Lethn]

Oh for fucks sake, the Guardian comment section was bad enough LOL

[mistress_magpie]

No, but i have been inundated by the business end of a water cannon.

[mistress_magpie]

@lethn I had been warned about the Guardian comment section - could have been a lot worse

[Wilikon]

I always thought bondage was for rich kids and the bourgeoisie. Leather this, leather that, custom made this, custom made that, secret dungeon room with cameras, ropes previously used on boats in the America's Cup and a random dude in a gimp suit waiting in a corner for no reason.

Not to forget: safe words found in the Oxford Language Dictionaries only.

But I am glad you exist. Not all can speak up and defend themselves in this hmm... whipping world.

[mistress_magpie]

Thank you Willikon for your comment, and for making me laugh

[Elwar]

Congrats on getting published in huffingtonpost. They are one of the highest read sites on the Internet. I e-mailed them about two years ago asking to be a writer for Bitcoin related articles.

I often wonder if societies where sex workers are prominent have a more machismo male culture. The thinking being that the men can get their sexual needs fulfilled by sex workers and do not have to treat women as well (with the reward of sex) since that's the only way they have of getting some. Just a thought.

[mistress_magpie]

Huffington post?! Where am I in the Huffington Post? 

[guybrushthreepwood]

Congrats on the article. How did you get the opportunity to write for them? Did you just submit an article or did they scout you?

[hilariousandco]

Well done, Magpie. Will you be writing any more pieces? I know you mentioned you submitted one about using Bitcoin as a sexworker but was rejected?

[mistress_magpie]

I used a bit of networking to get in touch with the editor and sent a pitch I will indeed be submitting more pieces!

[guybrushthreepwood]

I used a bit of networking to get in touch with the editor and sent a pitch I will indeed be submitting more pieces!

Are you going to be writing any on Bitcoin?

[Elwar]

Huffington post?! Where am I in the Huffington Post? 

Oops, sorry. Wrong liberal online news site with comments.

Still, congrats

[mistress_magpie]

Very much interested in writing about Bitcoin!

[guybrushthreepwood]

Very much interested in writing about Bitcoin!

I'm sure you are interested but are the Guardian? lol.

[practicaldreamer]

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/jan/15/paying-for-a-dominatrix-sex-human-need-kink

As a professional dominatrix, I'm often drenched by two firehoses of moral invective. One torrent comes from some fellow kinksters, saying that ours is an art to be practised for love, not money; moralists, who say that sex and fetish are unimportant and vulgar, point the other. I feel it is time to speak up about my work's necessity, and about its joy and beauty. Sex is a human need, and kink can be a meaningful part of the sexual spectrum. We sex workers turn the erotic into a humane and powerful art.

Not every sex worker chooses it; I'm fortunate to have freely and proudly decided to practise kink. Too many of us, particularly escorts, are miserable slaves, and we must fight tirelessly for their freedom. Nevertheless, I believe that the opportunity to pay legally for an encounter with an ethical, independent sex worker is a safe, essential way to help people meet their obligations and cope with a sexless life.

A few clients have shared stories that are no less sad for being ordinary. "S" lives with his estranged wife so he can preserve his Somerset farm for his sons; "M" arranges respite care for his mother when he comes, monthly, to see me. Each of my clients has a right to a private life, and to his choices and agency. And not all of my clients are cheats. Couples in an open marriage might prefer the emotional distance I can offer, rather than risking the potential complications of another relationship. A busy single person might prefer the simplicity of a professional encounter.

Then there's a certain type of unattached person who visits me. He is one of the many losers in the harsh, zero-sum game of dating that capitalism offers. Maybe he is too plain, or too fat, or simply too shy to find dates easily. Having a fetish, and an accompanying load of moralist shame, only makes his life harder.

For someone like him, I can sometimes offer a way out. If he comes to play with me, I won't shame him for his fetish or recoil from his body. I will gladly show him how his fetish – anything from the release offered by tight bondage to the exhilaration of being transformed into a beautiful woman – can be a blissful and intense experience to be treasured, instead of a source of shame. I truly enjoy the reactions of those I dominate, and when I play with a nervous or shy client, I make certain to share my genuine pleasure in our connection. For our few hours together, I make him comfortable in his own skin.

Many of the sadomasochistic arts become richer and deeper when two people play on an ongoing basis, and the majority of my work is with repeat clients. The intensity and connectedness brought about by our play can kindle a broader friendship. With them, the unique combination of distance and trust afforded by my position allows me to gently share a few home truths, and support them in addressing a case of bad breath or untreated social anxiety.

I'm proudest of the clients that I've brought from isolation and shame, to fully fledged membership in my local kink community. At this point, they sometimes graduate from being my clients, and I find myself overjoyed to see them on the arm – or over the knee – of a new partner. Perhaps, with each "graduate", I'm bringing us closer to a world where kink will be accepted, and, happily, my job has become obsolete.

  I just want to say that you seem like a genuine and compassionate person. You are certainly articulate. Unfortunately I would not, personally, benefit from or enjoy the services that you provide. But if I did you would be the woman that I went to.

    Why is it, do you think, that there is a market for men requiring such services - but not a market for women requiring the same ? Or is there ? Is it to do with trust - and the different levels of trust between the sexes ? Or don't women harbour the same desires ?

     Anyhow - all the best - and I for one hope you are able to continue in your work for as long as you are able or see fit, unencumbered by anyones prejudice.

[hilariousandco]

  I just want to say that you seem like a genuine and compassionate person. You are certainly articulate. Unfortunately I would not, personally, benefit from or enjoy the services that you provide. But if I did you would be the woman that I went to.

    Why is it, do you think, that there is a market for men requiring such services - but not a market for women requiring the same ? Or is there ? Is it to do with trust - and the different levels of trust between the sexes ? Or don't women harbour the same desires ?

     Anyhow - all the best - and I for one hope you are able to continue in your work for as long as you are able or see fit, unencumbered by anyones prejudice.

I think men are generally just far more perverted than women. Why? I have no idea but maybe Freud did haha.

[practicaldreamer]

I think men are generally just far more perverted than women. Why? I have no idea but maybe Freud did haha.

Oh yes - I can see what you're driving at - I'd never thought of that angle to it 

But didn't Freud also talk about the "Elektra Complex" ? 

 [actually having just looked it up, it seems like it was Jung and not Freud http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elektra_complex - don't tell Jungian on here FFS ]

[Lethn]

    Why is it, do you think, that there is a market for men requiring such services - but not a market for women requiring the same ? Or is there ? Is it to do with trust - and the different levels of trust between the sexes ? Or don't women harbour the same desires ?

It depends on which part of the world you're talking about but there is in fact a pretty big market out there for businesswomen etc. that are paying men for sex then of course there's the gay guys out there, it's just you've got all the propaganda running around ( usually perpetrated or indirectly funded by the church wink wink ) where it's all just women and they're being horribly exploited and have miserable lives. Granted, it's not for some, I don't think I could do it either way but that's just me.

It also pisses me off as an open pervert that so many people automatically equate sex to drugs and alcohol what? You're seriously telling me all these 'married' couples don't get up to kinky shit and are completely pure minded? Fuck no, they may not do drugs or alcohol but they're as perverted as anybody else when you look at the evidence of how many children they often have, that doesn't happen by accident lol .