HELP A NEWB save an idiot from his own demise

[toostupid]

So as stated I am new and dazed and confused and frustrated and disgusted and happy and frustrated all at the same time. So I just discovered this new(guess that's a relative term) thing called the deep web. I'm sure this has been discussed but I'm lazy so here goes. After finding the wonderfully disgusting word of darkweb I soon found that bitcoins are the currency so after figuring out what they are(sorta) and edumacating myself on this so called crypto currency I figured I needed some, I was well on my way to 10 tabs err I mean 5 grams grr some merchandise paid for with crypto currency right up until I started to actually buy some. WTF is with this crap and none of that it's buying non reusable currency with reusable currency crap, it's not that damned hard to buy stamps. I think I have around 6 paper wallets what ever the hell that is and still can't figure out how to put any frucking bitcoins in them. Each time having to register at a new site trying to get some bitcoins having to signup for a wallet that I can't figure out how to fill with bitcoins. I read a good place to go for newbs is coinbase well I started there and absolutely refuse to pay $800 something for a measly ass .25 bitcoins when a full 1. bitcoin is worth that according to Google currency plus I am new and not looking to spend that much on a process I have no clue to how it works or if it works or.... Then there is the anonymity factor that all these sites want my damned bank account to transfer this ridiculous amount of money into seeming small amount of bitcoins. So I thought this crypto currency was supposed to be anonymous but every one wants me to sign in blood to get these goddamned bitcoins. I am by far computer illiterate, or so I thought, but this is all new and frustrating to me and I am well equipped and knowledgeable enough to be able to skirt my way through assembly language and find what I need to find when I am looking for it, though the majority of this is mostly long forgotten. SO MY QUESTION/s is are there any places to simply get bitcoins and for reasonable prices? Is there somewhere that shows how much dollars X amount of bitcoins is going to cost me so I can shop around and compare finding the cheapest bitcoins at least cheaper that other places so I get the most bang for my buck? Is there any easier safer more anonymous ways of getting these bitcoins? Face to face isn't really an option as no one in my town of around 7,000 is going to have any and driving 80 miles out of my way to meet some sketchy dude to buy this thing that I have no idea how it works doesn't seem that enticing as meeting sketchy people is what I am trying to get away from. I want something like ebay where I can just click least amount of money to greatest in order with the most bitcoins available somewhere near the top of the page for the least amount of money. Also a check out as simple as ebay would be awesome. Help, hint's, suggestions?

[Stinky_Pete]

What country are you in? What currency do you wish to use?

[alphacenturion]

You might want to split that post up - its an eyesore. go to localbitcoins and grab coin there - its at a premium but its probably more anon than using an exchange.

[tinus42]

You might want to split that post up - its an eyesore. go to localbitcoins and grab coin there - its at a premium but its probably more anon than using an exchange.

He said he lived in some hick town with 7000 people and it's 80 miles to the nearest city and he didn't want to do that.

It's still pretty hard to get BTC anonymous nowadays all the exchanges demand identification because of the money laundering laws. The only anonymous way to buy BTC apart from localbitcoins to buy BTC at a Bitcoin ATM but there are less than 5 of them in the world today.

You could also buy BTC on an exchange and then launder them through a tumbler site or by buying altcoins on one exchange and then selling them on another exchange for BTC so the coins are not connected (tainted) to the coins you bought on an exchange. But then the authorities could still ask what you did with those coins when they suspect you of buying drugs.

[guybrushthreepwood]

You might want to split that post up - its an eyesore.

Yeah difficult to read. You need a tl;dr.

You shouldn't be paying more than $900 for 1BTC. Set up a online blockchain.info account and use their wallet.

[tinus42]

You might want to split that post up - its an eyesore.

Yeah difficult to read. You need a tl;dr.

You shouldn't be paying more than $900 for 1BTC. Set up a online blockchain.info account and use their wallet.

If you do use their wallet for the love of Satoshi activate Two Factor Authentication with SMS or Google Authenticator. I'm sick of stories like "HALP MY BITCOINS WERE STOLEN FROM BLOCKCHAIN.INFO!".

And don't store big amounts of BTC on any online wallet, use them only for petty cash. There are so many things that can go haywire. The site can get hacked, the company can go bankrupt, the company's owners can steal your Bitcoins and do a runner, etc. etc. This already has happened tonnes of times in recent years. See: http://bitcointalk.org/index.php?topic=83794.0 for an overview.

Learn to secure Bitcoins offline with wallet like Electrum or Armory or how to safely make paper wallets that you can stick in a vault and forget about for a few years.

[guybrushthreepwood]

You might want to split that post up - its an eyesore.

Yeah difficult to read. You need a tl;dr.

You shouldn't be paying more than $900 for 1BTC. Set up a online blockchain.info account and use their wallet.

If you do use their wallet for the love of Satoshi activate Two Factor Authentication with SMS or Google Authenticator.

And put a second password on which you need to be able to send the coins anywhere.

[Sonny]

It is so hard for me to read and understand your post  

...
I read a good place to go for newbs is coinbase well I started there and absolutely refuse to pay $800 something for a measly ass .25 bitcoins...

I guess you must have misread something....It is impossible that you can only get 0.25btc for $800 on coinbase.

[toostupid]

It is so hard for me to read and understand your post  

...
I read a good place to go for newbs is coinbase well I started there and absolutely refuse to pay $800 something for a measly ass .25 bitcoins...

I guess you must have misread something....It is impossible that you can only get 0.25btc for $800 on coinbase.

It says buy amount .25 at $800(and change) USD each. Seemed excessively high to me. Are they actually trying to say .25 at a quarter percent of $800(and change)? IF so why the hell wouldn't they write it like buy amount .25 at $320(change) USD each that way you know instantly how many your getting and how much you are going to pay for that amount rather than complicating an already overly complicated process. .25 for $320 seems a lot more reasonable to me. The offline storage is really no concern for me as I will only have enough in my wallet at one time to get what I want. Back to anonymity how could I go about making these once bought with a real name disappear into obscurity? Possibly selling them to my self anonymously? or gifting them is that possible? A lot of folks throwing a lot of vocabulary at me that I don't understand. Thanks to those helping thus far.

[toostupid]

You might want to split that post up - its an eyesore. go to localbitcoins and grab coin there - its at a premium but its probably more anon than using an exchange.

Sorry for the eyesore my paragraph was a representation of my mind at the time of writing it apparently that's what trying to understand bitcoins and the bitcoin process will do to you. I tried understanding localbitcoins but it alludes me as to what is going on. All I see is a bunch of people selling a certain amount of whole bitcoins at overly exorbitant prices. Does that about sum it up?or am I still missing something? I'm not particularly interested in purchasing a whole bitcoin for my first purchase or probably ever. Wouldn't I still need to show identification to send money western union as the majority of the people there offer? Also seems like a really easy way to get screwed buying coins from people you don't know and shouldn't trust.

[cakeboss]

"at $XXX.XX USD each" is the exchange rate, ie the price of 1BTC at the site. If you've set up you're account correctly you should be able to see how much whatever amount of bitcoin you want will cost you.

[toostupid]

You might want to split that post up - its an eyesore. go to localbitcoins and grab coin there - its at a premium but its probably more anon than using an exchange.

He said he lived in some hick town with 7000 people and it's 80 miles to the nearest city and he didn't want to do that.

It's still pretty hard to get BTC anonymous. The only anonymous way to buy BTC apart from localbitcoins

You could also buy BTC on an exchange and then launder them through a tumbler site or by buying altcoins on one exchange and then selling them on another exchange for BTC so the coins are not connected (tainted) to the coins you bought on an exchange. But then the authorities could still ask what you did with those coins when they suspect you of buying drugs.

10-4 on the hick town.

Thanks for the info on the tumbler and different exchange method will keep that in mind for later use. Does anyone even still use altcoins or other crypo besides bitcoins?

[toostupid]

"at $XXX.XX USD each" is the exchange rate, ie the price of 1BTC at the site. If you've set up you're account correctly you should be able to see how much whatever amount of bitcoin you want will cost you.

Well I haven't given them a bank account yet as I am still trying to see if there is a more anonymous alternative.

So the price of .25 bitcoins IS a quarter of the price of a full bitcoin($800 change).

[Alphi]

if you wanted anonymity you should not have come to a public forum asking questions like that...

THEY already know you want to purchase things illicitly and THEY already know where you are....

[toostupid]

if you wanted anonymity you should not have come to a public forum asking questions like that...

THEY already know you want to purchase things illicitly and THEY already know where you are....

And if I used encrypted networks to bounce around the globe of privately owned networks and a temporary email that was created under these protocols to register here? Rekon I would be worth their time?

[Alphi]

And if I used encrypted networks to bounce around the globe of privately owned networks and a temporary email that was created under these protocols to register here? Rekon I would be worth their time?

that is for THEM to decide.....

[toostupid]

So I guess buying them anonymously is likely out of the question, still not a deal breaker for me. I guess I just need to know then if I do buy them openly and with my name /bank account attached to them and then bounced them around to many different wallets that were created anonymously(MINE) would that distance the original purchaser(ME) to be able to create at least plausible deniability? or SOME anonymity?

[Colin Miner]

So I guess buying them anonymously is likely out of the question, still not a deal breaker for me. I guess I just need to know then if I do buy them openly and with my name /bank account attached to them and then bounced them around to many different wallets that were created anonymously(MINE) would that distance the original purchaser(ME) to be able to create at least plausible deniability? or SOME anonymity?

They can still be traced, it just takes more time. You would be better off using a bitcoin tumbler/mixer/laundry service which swaps some of your coins with other peoples coins. This is still traceable but it gets very complicated and there would be some guess work by the one tracking the coins. The guess work would bring a level of 'reasonable doubt' to the source of the coins.

[toostupid]

So I guess buying them anonymously is likely out of the question, still not a deal breaker for me. I guess I just need to know then if I do buy them openly and with my name /bank account attached to them and then bounced them around to many different wallets that were created anonymously(MINE) would that distance the original purchaser(ME) to be able to create at least plausible deniability? or SOME anonymity?

They can still be traced, it just takes more time. You would be better off using a bitcoin tumbler/mixer/laundry service which swaps some of your coins with other peoples coins. This is still traceable but it gets very complicated and there would be some guess work by the one tracking the coins. The guess work would bring a level of 'reasonable doubt' to the source of the coins.

Just wanted to say thanks to all those who participated in helping me understand these bitcoins a little more clearly. Guess I should change my user name to notasstupid.
THANKS AGAIN.

[MegaHustlr]

You might want to split that post up - its an eyesore. go to localbitcoins and grab coin there - its at a premium but its probably more anon than using an exchange.

And probably faster too.