How to ruin Bitcoin, and feel good about not learning anything.

[Matthew N. Wright]

As more fresh-off-the-boat crazies pour into bitcointalk from other make believe/no real life talent required RPG communities, the bar for the best acts of bowel evacuation rises almost as fast as Bitcoin's value, which only goes UP!

To make a name for yourself at any cost is an important charge though, as keeping your lack of education a secret is far too boring and doesn't give you anything to complain about in the 'blogger-sphere'.

Here are some key ingredients to helping you ruin Bitcoin and feel good about not having learned anything in the process.


1) Take a product or service that already exists in the real world, jack up the price, slap a Bitcoin logo on it, call it your "original idea" and degrade it by ignoring any of the necessary common-sensical governing rules or success promoting conditions of its original form, then secure it's demise by blaming the free market and all its participants for the lack of success.

It's important to note that in order to pull this off without needing to learn anything from your mistakes, you'll need to make sure that you do not pay attention to default settings in your e-commerce packages and make sure you have absolutely no capital to refund your customers. This may require in-depth hands-on research as a Wal-mart employee.


2) 3 words-- wordpress, wordpress, wordpress! Whether a trading site that seems to be confused about its identity that produces 1:28 minute mindnumbingly childish slideshows, or a "bank" run by an egomaniac, wordpress is an important part of any Bitcoin business idea as it truly shows your level of talent and professionalism-- none whatsoever!


3) No adults allowed! It can't be stressed enough that adult actions have adult consequences, meaning you have to learn from your mistakes! It's equally essential to make sure you are not over the age of 18 before starting your Bitcoin project, taking special care to structure the size of your project in proportion to your lack of experience-- the less you have the bigger it should be to ensure maximum avalanche effect!

4) Total anonymity in the case there are funds being held by your project. Having people know who you are would only make them mad when you lose their money! Duh!

5) Paintbrush designed graphics and websites designed in 30 seconds on a laptop while riding on a bumpy road in a jeep. Everyone knows that real businessmen don't care about the details. They are captains of industry! Details are for less talented people.

6) A lack of any kind of securities for said business to ensure that customers receive optimum level of fucking over. People are just numbers anyway.

7) Desperation. Nothing says awesome like a reporter that cares what people think about them enough to force the issue, ignore evidence, and promote activity in the bitcoin community that never happens. Bonus points if the restaurant that doesn't exist has 500 locations!

Put yourself in between people and their money as much as possible. Promoting yourself on a webcast is also crucial, but be careful to have a safety net of a laptop or some other electronic pacifier in case guests start asking real questions.

9) Have a criminal record. That's a given.

10) Run to the forums and post as much as possible when things don't immediately go your way. Nothing says 'not learning' like ignoring negotiations and email responses so that you can post a thread about others. I mean, it's only fair. You gave them 5 whole minutes to respond-- thats like a year in wild west time!

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[Shinobi]

My dear Matthew,

You forgot the most important maxim of all:

1. Post a pretentious picture of oneself as an avatar. Then proceed to proclaim grandiose claims about creating a regulatory body without any actual forethought and without a shred of community reputation. Follow that up with a request for donations to further the supposed investigatory pursuits, all the while fending off obvious and expected questions about one's dubious credentials as an "educator" in South Korea.

Shall I continue, you know, to fill in the fresh-off-the-boat types who may not be familiar?

[Matthew N. Wright]

My photos can't help from being pretentious, they were photos of someone who was being pretentious.  

After about 48 hours of not flapping my jaws I realized how ridiculous it all was.

Maybe later on some other self taught retards can see my posts and save themselves the embarrassment of sharing their half baked ideas before actually thinking about if they are in fact a total waste of time or not.

Perceptions aside, no matter how many explanations there are for people using their photos, I can't imagine someone calling themselves "the founder" and not being a mental patient.

[ineededausername]

Shinobi, I am fresh-off-the-boat.  Please fill me in.
Regards,
ineededausername

[Shinobi]

I give you credit for capitulating.  Hey your song in YouTube is pretty good. I'm not bing sacastic, either. Why don't you spend a few bucks to do up proper production?

[Shinobi]

Ok. bitcoin is a proof-of-concept and nothing more. How's that?

Shinobi, I am fresh-off-the-boat.  Please fill me in.
Regards,
ineededausername

[GimmeDemBitz]

So is there like a crib sheet for this list?  I know a few are logansryche (who is kicking ass is my Bitcoin Idiot Fantasy League, btw), a few are bruce, and I'm not sure if #3 is Atlas or FlipPro or both.

[Phinnaeus Gage]

So is there like a crib sheet for this list?  I know a few are logansryche (who is kicking ass is my Bitcoin Idiot Fantasy League, btw), a few are bruce, and I'm not sure if #3 is Atlas or FlipPro or both.

Hey! This is where I draw the line. Leave logansryche out of it. He's where I get my popcorn.

[GimmeDemBitz]

So is there like a crib sheet for this list?  I know a few are logansryche (who is kicking ass is my Bitcoin Idiot Fantasy League, btw), a few are bruce, and I'm not sure if #3 is Atlas or FlipPro or both.

Hey! This is where I draw the line. Leave logansryche out of it. He's where I get my popcorn.

Wait, you've exchange BTC for a service with logansryche successfully?  He didn't keep your BTC and cry about it being your fault you didn't get any popcorn?

HE CAN BE TAUGHT!!!!

Was there a "10%" markup?

[RandyFolds]

So is there like a crib sheet for this list?  I know a few are logansryche (who is kicking ass is my Bitcoin Idiot Fantasy League, btw), a few are bruce, and I'm not sure if #3 is Atlas or FlipPro or both.

Hey! This is where I draw the line. Leave logansryche out of it. He's where I get my popcorn.

I wonder if the first firing from walmart was the result of a full-pallet theft of JollyTime Extra Butter.

[deslok]

even with bitcoin it takes money to make money, i couldnt have cooked up a print shop if i couldnt afford the outlay for the material

"i'm sorry your order is being held up because we're waitin for kinkos to honour our 50% off voucher"
- not happening since i own the equipment to make the prints !

[Phinnaeus Gage]

So is there like a crib sheet for this list?  I know a few are logansryche (who is kicking ass is my Bitcoin Idiot Fantasy League, btw), a few are bruce, and I'm not sure if #3 is Atlas or FlipPro or both.

Hey! This is where I draw the line. Leave logansryche out of it. He's where I get my popcorn.

I wonder if the first firing from walmart was the result of a full-pallet theft of JollyTime Extra Butter.

Now that you brought it to my attention, it does taste like Great Value Popcorn.

[Raoul Duke]

2) 3 words-- wordpress, wordpress, wordpress! Whether a trading site that seems to be confused about its identity that produces 1:28 minute mindnumbingly childish slideshows, or a "bank" run by an egomaniac, wordpress is an important part of any Bitcoin business idea as it truly shows your level of talent and professionalism-- none whatsoever!

3 words: http://bittalk.tv http://bittalk.tv http://bittalk.tv

You run out of halfassed custom blogging scripts so you went on using wordpress with a free stock theme?

Stop being a self-important prick.

[Phinnaeus Gage]

2) 3 words-- wordpress, wordpress, wordpress! Whether a trading site that seems to be confused about its identity that produces 1:28 minute mindnumbingly childish slideshows, or a "bank" run by an egomaniac, wordpress is an important part of any Bitcoin business idea as it truly shows your level of talent and professionalism-- none whatsoever!

3 words: http://bittalk.tv http://bittalk.tv http://bittalk.tv

You run out of halfassed custom blogging scripts so you went on using wordpress with a free stock theme?

Stop being a self-important prick.

Can't..tell...if...serious.

Wordpress is intended for blogging and video sites.

I think if I was self-important, I'd be advertising that site- which I've never done.

Pretty smooth and clean looking site you have there, Matthew. I like it.

Bruno

[Raoul Duke]

Bur using wordpress is not the bitcoin way, man...
On a perfect bitcoin world every site/blog/service should be like http://bitcoinweekly.com

[Matthew N. Wright]

Bur using wordpress is not the bitcoin way, man...
On a perfect bitcoin world every site/blog/service should be like http://bitcoinweekly.com

5) Paintbrush designed graphics and websites designed in 30 seconds on a laptop while riding on a bumpy road in a jeep. Everyone knows that real businessmen don't care about the details. They are captains of industry! Details are for less talented people.

HOW DARE YOU. BITCOINWEEKLY IS A PILLAR IN OUR COMMUNITY OF PILLARS MADE OUT OF STYROFOAM.

[Phinnaeus Gage]

Bur using wordpress is not the bitcoin way, man...
On a perfect bitcoin world every site/blog/service should be like http://bitcoinweekly.com

What if Wordpress were Open Source? Then would it be OK to use?

[nhodges]

Bur using wordpress is not the bitcoin way, man...
On a perfect bitcoin world every site/blog/service should be like http://bitcoinweekly.com

What if Wordpress were Open Source? Then would it be OK to use?

WordPress is open source, lol.

[Jonathan Ryan Owens]

I just wanted to say, I feel very close to all of you. We should have a convention. 15 of us will meet up at some airport hilton, scan each others QR codes, and look down at the ground for 4 hours while we all shuffle our feet.

Seriously though, Matthew. Thanks man, you're great. I really appreciated your message to me in early August, and I've followed your example of ballsy public living. There aren't many people around who are willing to let themselves be known. So many trolls, haters and instigators. Monkeys throwing poop, really. Everyone here with a good sense of humor, and with a grip on reality, is my friend.

So, does anyone have any good dinosaur pictures to share?

Here's mine:

"Aah! A mouse!"

[Bitcoin Swami]

I like your videos Matt.