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Author Topic: Terrible Day  (Read 2892 times)
WeTrustInBTC
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February 16, 2014, 10:33:11 AM
 #21


Don´t worry, all is ok. Just you think that.
AceXll
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February 16, 2014, 11:58:39 AM
 #22

“The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to
laugh. Crying gives me a headache.”
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February 16, 2014, 12:25:09 PM
 #23

All the best buddy

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February 16, 2014, 03:45:19 PM
 #24

Everyone have bad days... Don't worry tomorrow always will come Smiley

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ManeBjorn (OP)
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February 16, 2014, 07:55:24 PM
 #25

I'm glad she is going for more therapy as it does help a ton.  I had months and months of physical therapy.  It is too bad that insurance does not cover it for her.
Seeing you describe what you have went through as well helps me as it makes me be more aware of what depression is doing to me and to others.  It is a constant fight to not give and give up.  Depression has me crying one time and laughing like an idiot the next.  I hope we all can keep getting better.
I was up until 6 am last night in intense pain just wanting it all to stop so badly.  The meds and implant were not helping and I kept crying and waking my wife up.  My mind kept going to dark places even though I know it is not right to even think them.

Now I am exhausted and still in pain.  I am hungry but nauseous from the pain so I can't eat.  Today is a day I just feel like I cannot take it anymore.  I keep counting the minutes wishing it was monday so I can see my doctor.

I won't give up I just keep telling myself this.



Wow that is alot of stuff going on at once.  I am glad things have been working out for the better for you and your mom and friend.  That is a lot to deal with.  Is your mom able to use her hand at all?  It gets scary when things happen to your hands. 
It seems everything happens all at once.
I am trying to get disability but in the US they treat you like you are someone who is lazy not someone who needs help.  All the doctors have told them I am disabled and cannot work and my own surgeon wrote them a letter stating he does not want me to work because of the risk of more damage.  Yet they still make no decision.  It has been over 6 months with so many more before they decide.  If they deny it as they usually do to most people who apply the first time it will be up to another 6 to 9 months to get and appeal and another decision.  My mom is being proactive though and has a lawyer lined up in case that happens.
When I got hurt my wife was 5 months pregnant with our daughter.  We never thought we were going to be able to have children.  We went from being so excited because we both had good jobs and were healthy and wanted a child so much to being very scared for the future.
My daughter is 14 months old now and so awesome.  When I fell down last night in the kitchen she brought over her blanket and put in on my head and lay down next to me.  It was heartbreakingly sweet.
I won't give up I don't know how even though my body cries out for relief.
My wife, daughter, family and friends remind me everyday how much I would lose if I gave up.
The kindness of people I don't know has been wonderful as well.  I could not carry to my car things I had to buy a couple weeks ago and the parking lot was filled with snow so I could not push the cart to my car.  Mind you I usually don't shop but my wife was gone to relatives and I needed food and new ice packs for my back.
This couple helped me get everything to the car.  I was just so surprised.
Thank you for sharing your own story it helps me keep moving forward.
Thank you very much as well for the tips.  I appreciate it more than I can articulate.
I usually get them for helping others out that was why I have them in my sig. 
I also mine MemoryCoin because it gives 1% of all mining to charities.  It really struck home when I saw the coin how helpful it can be to those in need and being in need myself it still lets me give as well now that I cannot afford to give directly anymore.
Thank you again and my best wishes for you and your family.


I feel very sorry for you.

We have a family friend that broke her back and has had similar issues with neurological problems and nerve problems.

My Mum also has neuralgia in her Jaw and about 1 year ago now my sister's dog pulled her down on a rocky slope at my sister's house and she has severe nerve damage in her hand as well.

My Mum has not been able to work and my Step Dad just passed away during the end of December so it's been a really rough time for me as well.

I lost my job as a Network Administrator for a friend who owns Multiple Data Centers / Co-Located Servers and DDoS Mitigation Services so it's a significant amount of money that I'm not making each month.

I thought everything was going badly in December but then everything good and positive and improving happened.

Our very good family friend received her Disability Status with the Canadian Government and got her first cheque from the Canadian Government.

Our other family friend who broke her back and has severe nerve damage sold her trailer and had enough to move elsewhere where she found a well paying job.

Throughout the weeks after my Step Dad passed away everyone helped us out financially and gave us as much love and support as possible.

Then within the last 2 weeks I have been able to trade my 4.4 Bitcoins into over 15 Bitcoins and it changed from being the person desperate for money to being the person having more then enough and being able to share with all my friends and family and people that need it.

I guess the moral of what I'm trying to say is that you should never give up.

Things will get better and There will be brighter days.

PS: I'll be filling your tip  jars right away Cheesy

Yes my Mum has use of her hand but she has severe nerve damage in it.

She's been going to physiotherapy that isn't covered by Canadian Government Issued Medical but because she really needs to do it to improve mobility , strength and movement I usually pay for alot of the extra times she can go.

I myself am Bipolar and have Anxiety Disorder and when I was around 17 years old I had my first and only manic episode. I literally lost my mind and remember none of it. According to what I was told that I did. I hacked an ATM and managed to get a balance on my ATM card of $38,880 which I have no idea how. I also was in the hospital for 30 days in solitary confinement and ran out of the Hospital in anger , rage and trying to escape what I considered torture. Being handed handfuls of drugs in the attempt to "correct" whatever was "wrong" with me.

I'm happy to say I'm 26 now and have had no issues at all anymore. I'm the healthiest I've ever been in my life even healthier then when I played Rugby and Soccer in High School as the Captain of both teams.

I can honestly say I've lost my mind and regained it again in full.

I've gone from being completely mentally and physically sick (Medically Diagnosed) to being physically healthy (Medically Diagnosed).

Hang in there man it'll get ALOT better. Smiley

Tips will be sent as soon as my wallets sync Smiley

ManeBjorn (OP)
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February 16, 2014, 07:56:38 PM
 #26

I am trying.
Thank you.  Smiley


Don´t worry, all is ok. Just you think that.

ManeBjorn (OP)
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February 16, 2014, 07:58:30 PM
 #27

I try that as well.  I watch the silliest movies and tv shows I can to crack and smile and try to enjoy the little things like laughing with my daughter as she pulled my hair today.
Crying makes everything hurt and I prefer to laugh as well.
Thank you.

“The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to
laugh. Crying gives me a headache.”


ManeBjorn (OP)
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February 16, 2014, 08:01:52 PM
 #28

Thank you.
I appreciate it.
I hope you have a great rest of the weekend.

All the best buddy

ManeBjorn (OP)
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February 16, 2014, 08:04:11 PM
 #29

I hope so.
I keep trying to visualize life like being on the ocean.  Sometimes you are riding on the waves and others in down low between them.  So eventually I will float to the top again.
I keep hoping tomorrow will be better and each day I hope and work for it to be better.
The bleak feelings I hope will pass like those waves.
Thank you.

Everyone have bad days... Don't worry tomorrow always will come Smiley

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February 17, 2014, 05:24:32 AM
 #30

I cannot wait until tomorrow morning to see what my doctors are going to do.  Today was such a lost day.  I had to stay in bed most of it because I keep falling down.  I'm hurting so badly I'm still nauseous.
Hopefully they will know what the next step it.
I looked at my xrays and it looks like one disk is only about 25% the thickness of the other disks and this changed in the 4 weeks since I had a myelogram CT Scan.

So much uncertainty and unending pain.  I just want a break from it even if only for a while.

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February 17, 2014, 05:49:00 AM
 #31

sounds like a shitty life. you're in the right place.  Undecided
ManeBjorn (OP)
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February 17, 2014, 06:04:23 AM
 #32

The last year and a half has been very shitty.  Ever since I got injured it's been a nightmare.
I keep waiting to hear the canned laughter of a studio audience sometimes because it feels like I'm trapped in some sitcom tv show.


sounds like a shitty life. you're in the right place.  Undecided

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February 17, 2014, 01:07:28 PM
 #33

Wow bummer man, that's pretty shitty. But it can't be bad all the time. You'll pull through. Sunnier days are ahead. In the meanwhile, focus on getting better. On the flip side, you could stare at btc charts all day like me and make buy/sell orders when you're incapacitated  Wink

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February 17, 2014, 01:11:23 PM
 #34

Sorry for the Delay my friend I sent some to your BTC Tip Jar now.

Will send more soon hang in there dude Smiley

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February 17, 2014, 05:03:22 PM
 #35

Thanks and I am looking forward to better days.  Today has been rough so far I cannot walk far and have to have help to the bathroom.  Very humiliating. 
Tomorrow and Wednesday I have appointments with my surgeon and tests.  This morning my primary care doctor said it did not look good she thinks I have more damage.

I am not good at trading but I try.  I don't have much to trade with anyways but I have some on Bter and cryptsy.  I keep thinking I need to invest in a bot to do some trading for me but with .01 BTC to my name it's not worth it.  LOL

Thanks again I appreciate it.  Smiley

Wow bummer man, that's pretty shitty. But it can't be bad all the time. You'll pull through. Sunnier days are ahead. In the meanwhile, focus on getting better. On the flip side, you could stare at btc charts all day like me and make buy/sell orders when you're incapacitated  Wink

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February 17, 2014, 05:12:20 PM
 #36

Thank you so much I appreciate it so much.
With your trading skills I should give you some to invest and have you trade it and grow it for me.  Hopefully I when I get enough to make it worth doing.

I hope you are doing ok.

My doctor told me today she thinks she sees more damage in the xrays.  Tomorrow I get more tests and see my surgeon and Wednesday as well.
I hope they figure it out soon I am so exhausted and hurting.  It feels like a vicious cycle.
My wife was crying last night because I was having spasms that were bending me backwards and making me cry.  She is so worried.  I don't know how to console her when I can't even do it for myself.

On a good note my daughter was in bed with us for a little while this morning.  She curled up at my side and had me read to her for over and hour.  I love that.  She is such a sweetling.

I wish everyone a happy day and thanks for the help and encouragement it means so much too me.

Sorry for the Delay my friend I sent some to your BTC Tip Jar now.

Will send more soon hang in there dude Smiley

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February 19, 2014, 03:36:16 AM
 #37

Update.
Today was the 1st of 3 doctors appointments.
I have to have another surgery it is just a matter of if they want to do it in the next couple weeks or wait a couple more months to let me heal a little more from the last one I had 4 months ago.  The decision will be made over the next few days.
It will be to clear out scar tissue and fuse vertebrae and repair torn muscles from the muscle spasms.
Tomorrow is the 2nd appointment for more programming of my implant and new meds to combat the spasms.
Friday morning more tests and finally some rest for a couple of days.
It's been a nightmare I just want to end.
I keep feeling like I need to escape but it's my own body I am running from.
Just so demoralized right now. 
On top of it all I had to borrow money from my dad to pay for meds and gas today.  Just 1 1/2 yrs ago I was paying his bills now I cannot even take care of my own.
I'm so frightened of more surgery.  I keep worrying I won't wake up and miss growing old with my wife and seeing my daughter grow up.
It just feels like too much.

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February 19, 2014, 08:56:58 AM
Last edit: February 19, 2014, 09:20:19 AM by BrightAnarchist
 #38

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

If it makes you feel any better, I have had severe chronic pain (specifically, a condition known as chronic myofascial pain, similar to but not to be confused with fibromyalgia) for the last two and a half years. At its worst I could barely even walk and pretty much only morphine could help; I seriously considered suicide as a rational method of escaping the unrelenting physical agony. But thankfully I've been slowly improving with therapy (the Stanford/Wise-Anderson Protocol) and today I'm able to walk and drive a car again and as of Janurary I could finally get off the pain meds. I still have a long ways to go, however, before I beat this thing. So things can get better my friend. Don't give up yet, look into your treatment options. If you need someone to talk to, just pm me and i'll give you my number
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February 19, 2014, 06:43:31 PM
 #39

Thank you for sharing and yes I will PM you after the next couple days of tests.
It is wonderful to hear you are doing better.  I wish I could see the light at the end of the tunnel too.
My doctor confirmed to day I'm going to have surgery sooner rather than wait.  He does not want anymore damage to my spinal cord and nerve roots.
I go next week for the last of the pre surgical scans then surgery.  I'm not looking forward to it but right now I hurt so badly I'm nauseous and I still have to go to another doctors appointment.  It's a rough day for sure.
Thanks again I appreciate it.


I'm so sorry you're going through this.

If it makes you feel any better, I have had severe chronic pain (specifically, a condition known as chronic myofascial pain, similar to but not to be confused with fibromyalgia) for the last two and a half years. At its worst I could barely even walk and pretty much only morphine could help; I seriously considered suicide as a rational method of escaping the unrelenting physical agony. But thankfully I've been slowly improving with therapy (the Stanford/Wise-Anderson Protocol) and today I'm able to walk and drive a car again and as of Janurary I could finally get off the pain meds. I still have a long ways to go, however, before I beat this thing. So things can get better my friend. Don't give up yet, look into your treatment options. If you need someone to talk to, just pm me and i'll give you my number

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February 25, 2014, 05:29:06 PM
 #40

Last night was rough.
I fell asleep for a little bit and woke up screaming with spasms racking me bending me backwards.  It has left me drained and shaky even now.
I just wish it would stop.  I know there is nothing they can do for that and the upcoming surgery will not help with them but I just need a break from it.  I am so worn out from the constant pain and spasms.  My wife was woken up out of a sound sleep to this, I think she is so wonderful.  She is always there for me.
I find out thursday when my surgery will be.  I hope it's soon.
I hope you are all doing ok.
Best wishes to you all.

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