If I were to steal 0.5 billion … a story how I would do / wouldn’t have done it

[Loozik]

I. Foreword

This a fictional story. It has nothing to do with the current events. All similarities to any person are unintended. While reading this story please remember daddy Loozik is ALWAYS wrong. For sure there will be better stories of how to steal $ 0.5 billion than this fictional and made up story.


II. The story (small part of it)

If I were criminally minded and at the same time not stupid and wanted to steal $0.5 billion, I would knew that my preys had to be ordinary people (poor therefore stupid). I wouldn’t have dared to steal from the rich (not stupid) – they would find out quickly.

I would need to steal from the masses. Masses can be easily tricked and then controlled. If I knew a thing or two about cryptocurrencies I would steal funds from the biggest cryptocurrency exchange (let’s call this exchange ‘’MtCocks’’). And let’s call the cryptocurrency  ‘’Digitcoin’’.


1. Planning and securing the necessary resources:

I would for sure secure the availability of major actors.

There must always be a scapegoat in undertakings like this one (the robbed masses always need someone to blame), so the scapegoat would be the exchange’s CEO. I would offer him a soft landing after the theft. It would not be a problem for the masses to accept that MtCocks' CEO is the one to blame. Lots of fuckups happened (unexplained crashes, hacks, an accountant mistakenly executing huge orders, etc.) in the history of MtCocks. Masses had already been led to believe that they were ‘’coxed'’ many times in the past. There would be no problem in convincing the masses they were coxed again.

I would need the looted money to be liquidated somewhere unnoticed (in stealth mode). How could this be done? This could be handled in two ways:
- option 1: through existing exchanges using their dark pools – however there would be a risk of too many people knowing too much,
- option 2: through a new exchange that would need to be created for the purpose of routing the looted coins; the exchange would need to have a certain unique feature so that selling of the looted coins is unnoticed, e.g. the exchange shouldn’t report volume in its feed (you do not show volume = the public does not know how much coins are traded).
Which way should I go? Let’s say I would want to stay in the business of screwing people for a longer period, therefore my preference would be option 2.

I would of course secure MtCocks' market maker(s) for the undertaking. Let’s refer to this person or a group of persons as Miss Whale. Miss Whale will later be needed to transfer assets out of MtCocks.

For the final stage of the planned theft I would need to blind masses with excess of shitty and misleading information to focus their attention on the unimportant stuff. I needed them to be distracted from seeing what is being done. Like a magician who makes movement with his right hand to catch your attention on this hand, while pulling out a card from the left hand unnoticed.

The distraction should be muliti-track. Hey – it is a grand theft after all. The more tricks are played on the masses the better.

I would find a person with some M&A experience (therefore financial background) with a fancy name, like two-digit-wiseguy, so that a potential acquisition smokescreen could be played (to substantiate a takeover story).

I would find a concerned MtCocks' customer with a fancy name, like Burger King, so that a smokescreen of how MtCocks' CEO is a ruthless capitalist could be played (to substantiate a story that MtCocks' collapse is caused by CEO’s greed and that he stole all the funds for himself). MtCocks' CEO already agreed he would be a scapegoat.

I would find some guys who would be releasing IRC chat conversations with MtCocks' CEO to ‘’prove’’ how stupid and clueless he was so that a smokescreen of how MtCocks' CEO badly manages his company could be played (to substantiate a story that he is not a bad guy after all, just a dreamer who fucked up by wanting to create his business only on PHP code).

I might also need someone who is friends with all exchanges so that this person can influence other exchanges actions in case a joint statement is needed. Let’s call him Mr. X.

And for sure I would need someone who is liked by the masses. You know, just like Jesus was liked by the masses. This needed to be someone with a child’s face – people forget sins made in childhood.


2. Implementing the plan

Miss Whale would withdraw gradually funds from MtCocks over time and pour it into other exchanges. Mr X would reassure CEOs of other exchanges how beautifully their business are run and that their growth is organic due to their technical superiority over MtCocks. The CEOs would start to like Mr. X even more. Is there anything they wouldn’t do for Mr. X?

Next I would inspire the setting up of the new exchange. I have a sense of humour – I’d call it coinkaida. I would find respected investors. Coinkaida with its notable investors and under harsh jurisdiction can’t be doing anything inappropriate, right?

While volume on MtCocks would be declining and problems with withdrawals would start, Miss Whale’s interest would be threatened, I would then send the Jesus to tell the masses that the exchange I am going to rob is just fine. Although I wouldn’t fucking allow Jesus to read from a prompter! Someone might have later guessed it had been staged.

Jesus would do his job, masses would flood MtCocks with fiat. The price on MtCocks would be higher due to the rising demand. In result Digitcoins would start to pour into MtCocks to sell them there. I would be happy. Miss Whale would be happy. And guess what, the masses would be happy too.

As Miss Whale would increase her withdrawals from MtCocks, problems for masses would start again. It is when the final coxing should be done. It’s time for the first distraction (smokescreen): our brave Burger King. The video should be nice. People should get the message: poor guy with some coins deposited at MtCocks was troubled, he truly represented the masses. Let him be called the Hero of Digitcoin from now on in the media. Although I wouldn’t fucking send a guy whom MtCocks owned only 330 – it is not credible – Burger King couldn’t have afforded a trip to Tokyo and a 7 day stay in a hotel for himself and his buddy equipped with high quality video recorder - at least Burger King should have shaken and should have cried over all his assets being gone. And for sure MtCocks' CEO could have played better (he was not even scared), I should have invested a few pennies in acting lessons for the both before shooting this movie.

Last chapter: the inevitable dip in price would happen, Miss Whale would buy cheap digitcoins with all her fiat that was left on MtCocks. Miss Whale would quickly withdraw her coins (maybe some of her fiat and digitcoins would be left in MtCocks in case a proof was later needed to show that she lost too).

Since majority of assets deposited by masses in MtCocks would be magically made ‘’disappeared’’ or ‘’unaccounted for’’ with Miss Whale’s helping hand, withdrawals would be stopped.

Some notable people would utter statements that they did not believe MtCocks was in financial trouble (it was just a technical issue, as always), so the masses would be buying as price started to fall, and fall and fall and they would be still buying even more hoping the digitcoin price to finally bottom. But frankly the bottom was never to be seen. Stupid masses.

In some point in time as the bottom wouldn’t be hit I would order MtCocks' CEO to halt trading, put a blank page with the info MtCock would be acquired, to give some credibility to the story told by two-digit-wiseguy.

Simultaneously, Mr X would arrange for a joint statement of exchanges. I would need to make sure coinkaida’s CEO name is on top – this will be a ‘’proof’’ coinkaida’s CEO didn’t like that scammer, MtCocks' CEO. But I wouldn’t be fucking releasing the joint statement with word ‘’insolvency’’ in it! Someone might have later guessed it had been staged: how possibly could competing exchanges’ CEOs know MtCocks was insolvent without looking at MtCock’s financial statements first and without insider knowledge!

MtCocks would be empty now, Miss Whale would start to make market on coinkaida. Noone would see this happening as coinkaida wouldn’t report volume. I was really smart to devise this whole volume non-reporting thing. A new trading venue should typically offer more and better over the existing venues, but I somehow made a miracle by offering less and not going out of business (well, I knew lots of coxed money will later pour into this exchange anyway).

I knew people would start investigating were their money went. Hey – I am the smart guy – let’s create a CSI thread in which people will try to do the impossible (trace the coins starting from 2011 when MtCocks' CEO supposedly proved he had owned coins at that time).

It would be bad if they started to look for coins that were routed through the network around the last dip in price on MtCock with increased volume during which Ms Whale bought her last coins on MtCocks (and later transferred). I would be in risk if someone did this.

Now, I would be very happy. MtCocks' CEO filed for bankruptcy (civil rehabilitation) – no one will touch him. The official story would be MtCocks was hacked. My magicians would reveal MtCocks' source code and client database, which would prove beyond any doubt that MtCocks was simply hacked and that the official story is OK.


III. Question:

If you were criminally minded and wanted to steal $0.5 billion would you do something more than I in this fictional story? If yes, what would you do more, e.g. invite more actors?

If you were criminally minded and wanted to steal $0.5 billion, what wouldn’t have you done?

If you were the coxed one, how would you look for your looted coins and your looted fiat, if this completely fictional story were true?

[Bobsurplus]

You seem criminal minded.

[Definit]

I like this story... but first to understand the story and make it a good story, we need character build up... in order to connect with them and their reasoning's.

and to do that right we need to understand who would be playing these characters.

Exchange "MtCocks" - Played by Gox
Cryptocurrency "Digitcoin" - Played by Bitcoin
Dicks CEO aka "Scapegoat" - Played by Mark Karpeles
"Coxed" - Played by "Goxxed"

-Option 1 (Too Easy, Too Public)
-Option 2- (Most logical and still public, yet controlled). See; Coinkaida.

Miss Whale(s) -
two-digit-wiseguy -
Concerned Dicks Customer "Burger King" -
IRC Chat Guys -
Mr. X (role as "Friends w/ Other Exchanges & Joint Statement Influences") -
People's Person aka Jesus aka Childs Face (role as person liked by the masses) -
Coinkaida -

------------

Seeing this story, and some of the characters and their motives...
I think some back history on a few of them is needed to create reasoning as to why certain motives are there. Also, some characters/roles are missing from the story.

[Loozik]

I like this story... but first to understand the story and make it a good story, we need character build up... in order to connect with them and their reasoning's.

I never was good at telling story. Besides English is not my mother tongue. Please forgive me.

and to do that right we need to understand who would be playing these characters.

Exchange "Dick" - Played by Gox

Edited from Dick into MtCock, sir.

I think some back history on a few of them is needed to create reasoning as to why certain motives are there. Also, some characters/roles are missing from the story.

If you believe some characters are missing, please supplement the story.

[Definit]

I too, like to leave some for the imagination in story telling.

There is a reason why I left some characters without actors names.


I think it will be interesting to see what others think will be best played in those vacant roles.

 

[Definit]

a timeline : http://pastebin.com/jES4zEuf

although, some details in the timeline are missing...

[Definit]

http://forums.graal.in/forums/showthread.php?7661-Is-Stephane-Portha-involved-with-MtGox

who is Stephane Portha (known scammer) and why is he connected with Mt.Gox Mark Karpeles?

http://nekoroy.com/hiddengox.html


also,

https://archive.foolz.us/biz/thread/87109/

[Phinnaeus Gage]

I like this story... but first to understand the story and make it a good story, we need character build up... in order to connect with them and their reasoning's.

and to do that right we need to understand who would be playing these characters.

Exchange "MtCocks" - Played by Gox
Cryptocurrency "Digitcoin" - Played by Bitcoin
Dicks CEO aka "Scapegoat" - Played by Mark Karpeles
"Coxed" - Played by "Goxxed"

-Option 1 (Too Easy, Too Public)
-Option 2- (Most logical and still public, yet controlled). See; Coinkaida.

Miss Whale(s) -
two-digit-wiseguy -
Concerned Dicks Customer "Burger King" -
IRC Chat Guys -
Mr. X (role as "Friends w/ Other Exchanges & Joint Statement Influences") -
People's Person aka Jesus aka Childs Face (role as person liked by the masses) -
Coinkaida -

------------

Seeing this story, and some of the characters and their motives...
I think some back history on a few of them is needed to create reasoning as to why certain motives are there. Also, some characters/roles are missing from the story.

And the best character actor in the world [is] Mr.-you-mean-60%-for-you-and-40%-for-me.

[jojo69]

hope you got some good life insurance buddy

[Phinnaeus Gage]

I like this story... but first to understand the story and make it a good story, we need character build up... in order to connect with them and their reasoning's.

and to do that right we need to understand who would be playing these characters.

Exchange "MtCocks" - Played by Gox
Cryptocurrency "Digitcoin" - Played by Bitcoin
Dicks CEO aka "Scapegoat" - Played by Mark Karpeles
"Coxed" - Played by "Goxxed"

-Option 1 (Too Easy, Too Public)
-Option 2- (Most logical and still public, yet controlled). See; Coinkaida.

Miss Whale(s) -
two-digit-wiseguy -
Concerned Dicks Customer "Burger King" -
IRC Chat Guys -
Mr. X (role as "Friends w/ Other Exchanges & Joint Statement Influences") -
People's Person aka Jesus aka Childs Face (role as person liked by the masses) -
Coinkaida -

------------

Seeing this story, and some of the characters and their motives...
I think some back history on a few of them is needed to create reasoning as to why certain motives are there. Also, some characters/roles are missing from the story.

And the best character actor in the world [is] Mr.-you-mean-60%-for-you-and-40%-for-me.

Bonus clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=8MqZpVb8yL8#t=530

[Loozik]

who is Stephane Portha (known scammer) and why is he connected with Mt.Gox Mark Karpeles?

No names please. The story is fictional. It is for entertainment purposes only.

[dafqok]

a timeline : http://pastebin.com/jES4zEuf

although, some details in the timeline are missing...

truly splendid writeup already, wouldn't mind details contributing to the story (from which everyone can draw his own conclusions).

[btc237ftw]

Will "you" get caught at the end?
I hope so!!!

[zyk]

Miss Whale should be easily identified, if somebody only would be interested in a criminal investigation of the trading and Fiat account records...

The existance  of the entity of Mr. X will prove itself then by the selling off of bitcoin to under a hundred bucks when the recent manipulation ends !

GTFO

[Loozik]

Will "you" get caught at the end?

No, but one of the distraction / smokescreen that already surfaced would give me the necessary room for manouvering myself out of the situation and more or less help the scapegoat (in case things were turning criminal for him).

[kkaspar]

This couldn't happen in reality, because people usually get honest and ethical around money...

[zyk]

Will "you" get caught at the end?

No, but one of the distraction / smokescreen that already surfaced would give me the necessary room for manouvering myself out of the situation and more or less help the scapegoat (in case things were turning criminal for him).

how and why those things still haven´t turned criminal against him is the source of utter disgust and can only mean one thing...GTFO of cold storage and sell the

hell before your head is handed to you....

[Loozik]

This couldn't happen in reality, because people usually get honest and ethical around money...

I share your point of view. It is unbelievable my story could happen in reality. That's why I wrote in the foreword that this was a fictional story.

[not.you]

This is a really interesting story.  I look forward to seeing the movie (when it comes out on DVD, I don't really get out to the theaters much).

But I wonder, and I know you didn't mention it, but what if MtCocks tried to blame some of their woes on the digitcoin protocols near the end?  Then wouldn't the MtCocks sourcecode which was later released either help substantiate or refute that story to some degree?  I mean I know that the release of any of the source code by your magicians pretending to be hackers supports the story that MtCocks was an amateurish exchange, but if MtCocks was really trying to blame the digitcoin protocol, it would seem that their own code would have to support that story.  Otherwise it is a potential point of incrimination for the CEO.

You know another thing that occurred to me, if you had gotten away with something like this, what would prevent you from just doing it again?  I mean if you already had people lined up for roles it seems like you could shift some things around, open another exchange, lather, rinse, and repeat.

[bitcodo]

Very interesting story.

hope you got some good life insurance buddy

Yes, you should leave this shit to apropriate institutions.




But it is like Agatha Christie book. So I have a question.

Although I wouldn’t fucking allow Jesus to read from a prompter! Someone might have later guessed it had been staged.

I remember Jesus, the Bitcoin Angel Investor reading that statement. But people were making jokes and not believing him. Why didn't he learned few words by hart? Wasn't that too much obvius?




And yes. The cat. It is Tibane, similar to Tibanne Co.Ltd. and same as Tibane in Algeria. Do they have some secret camp there?